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3yo dd using my hair as comforter, driving me mad!

(12 Posts)
ifaistos Fri 01-Jul-11 23:12:30

Funnily enough, there's another thread about hair addict toddlers on here at the moment, but I didn't want to hijack so started another. 3yo dd uses my hair as a comfort object. She needs it to fall asleep (unless she's with someone else) and whenever she's upset. When she wakes up in the morning she'll get hysterical unless she can put her hand in my hair and twirl it around.
I haven't minded up until now, but now it's starting to drive me mad. When she pulls, it's painful, she'll grab handfuls and tug and I'm just feeling generally touched out.

I've established with her that she has to keep her hands still so she doesn't pull, but whenever I try and get her to stop touching my hair I feel too cruel and give up. I wouldn't make her give up a comfort blanket or toy, and I guess the hair is the same sort of need. I've tried giving her other soft objects and dolls with hair, but she's just not interested.

Any advice for me? Has anyone else got this problem?

Kalypso Sat 02-Jul-11 07:40:55

I'm afraid I have no advice, but I'm in the same boat as you with my 16 month old DS, except he has to touch my face (mainly my nose and lips) to go to sleep. He started doing this when breastfeeding as a tiny baby. He also can get quite rough at times. He gets very distressed if I don't let him touch my face, and I agree with you that it feels cruel to just stop letting them do it. When you're the comfort blanket, it's not exactly like taking away a dummy/blanket - in this case, cuddling and soothing them to make them feel better about not having their comfort object would be a bit like tormentingly dangling it in front of their face.

I shall watch this thread with interest, as I am very keen for ideas now.

BlooCowWonders Sat 02-Jul-11 07:57:11

same here with dd age 4, but less than OP. So it will get better gradually.
Mostly I can go along with it; sometimes it's just too annoying.
But it's a phase smile (hopefully...)

But ds used to be addicted to my engagement ring...

Restrainedrabbit Sat 02-Jul-11 08:01:43

DS 2.8yrs old pulls up my top and strokes my tummy or back for comfort shock I have just run with it and assumed that this too will pass smile

ifaistos Sat 02-Jul-11 13:11:18

Oh well I'm glad it's not just me then. But it still drives me crazy. I feel a but like I'm being held on a leash, because she'll grab all my hair in a bunch and just cling on. Argh.

fozzy26 Sat 02-Jul-11 22:09:40

My son is exactly the same! It started when he was breastfeeding and he is now 2.1 yrs old. A few months ago I bought a soft bodied doll with long 'hair' which I have now taught him to play with instead of mine as it was driving me crazy!

WhoWhoWhoWho Sat 02-Jul-11 22:11:28

My son does this, it has developed into one of his autisic stimming things he does to relax. He still does it at every opportunity and he's 6 now!

bluebump Sat 02-Jul-11 22:12:41

My DS is like this but with ears, he will touch his own ears if he has to but prefers mine/DPs, he just holds them and rubs them a bit!

manicmamma Sun 03-Jul-11 17:32:52

I resorted to buying a false piece of hair which was great for bedtimes. However it eventually becomes matted like a dreadlock...not very attractive!!!
Im still looking for a dolly with a nice piece of hair... will let you know if i find anything...

ifaistos Mon 04-Jul-11 13:12:39

whowho you're not giving me much hope! 3 more years at least, I don't think I can last that long!
The link is definitely to breastfeeding, dd started it when she fed too.
I'm guessing dd uses her own hair when she's asleep and i'm not around because she wakes up every morning with dreadlocks.
manicmama - what do you do with the false hair? Do you give it to your lo outright, or replace your hair with it by stealth so he/she doesn't notice.

rrf Mon 04-Jul-11 16:19:54

I had the same problem with my daughter, who is now nearly four, but i managed to sort out the nights by buying one of those massive 'sally' dolls (sold in the entertainer, i think) She didn't mind having that as it felt like she was falling asleep next to 'someone' and could play with the hair all night. Also, might be worth washing the dolls hair in your shampoo once in a while, so it smells like your hair!

manicmamma Tue 05-Jul-11 17:00:36

yes thats exactly my theory she would play with my hair while she was being breastfed and finds comfort in twiddling with hair when tired or upset.
I sneaked the piece of hair I purchased among my own locks and she never noticed initially.... and wasn't long before she would ask for "little hair".
Not ideal but has saved my sitting at the side of her bed with my head tilted so she can twiddle with my locks trying to get to sleep..
Ive tried some dolls with hair but the hair feels synthetic what she wants!

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