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is anyone else reluctant to use (say) there babys name?

(47 Posts)
mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 00:28:19

you may have seen previous threads of mine on here all about my baby name anxiety as i like to call it. well iv had a bad few days over this yet boy noah is almost 6mths old now & i never feel comfortable saying his name iv also began 2 hate the way it sounds when i do say it. i mainly call him by various nns such as gorgous boy,big lad etc. or sometimes no-no for short but obviously none of these can stick to adult hood! using his mn doesnt feel right either. his name is now begining to suit him aswell so i thought my anxiety over his name wouldve started to lift but sadly not. any one else goin or been through this did it ever leave you? please be kind. & can anyone offer any advice?

Froggy2013 Sat 16-Mar-13 00:33:33

Why don't you like saying his name? You say it suits him but do you dislike the name itself - or just saying it out loud?

pickledparsnip Sat 16-Mar-13 00:33:56

My son is 3 & if I'm perfectly honest I'm still not comfortable with his name. It still doesn't feel right, but he is growing into it. I was never happy with the choice. Sorry, know that probably doesn't help. Is there another name you like? Could you give him an extra middle name? That's my plan for my son.

ladymia Sat 16-Mar-13 00:36:47

No but I have a friend that is going through this. if you had not said the name I would have actually thought you were her! She can't bring herself to say his name and it took her 6 weeks before registering him. He is now 6 months old.

How does your husband feel about the name? Could you change it?

You probably started off on the wrong footing with the name and it's now difficult to get used to it.

My friend has decided to change the name as she loves her son but has issues communicating with him due to this naming issue. I think it's a good idea to do it now before he gets older.

It's my due date tomorrow and we have two names lined up but haven't 100% decided on a name we love and this happening to me is my biggest fear.

mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 00:50:36

i loved his name before&during my pregnancy & thought it would be perfect but for some reason its not. iv also thought of maybe adding another name but cant imagine suddenly using another name now i think that would also seem not rite. i do often obsess though over other names i couldve named him. i also have an older dd & she loves his name. i hope im still not goin through this in 3 years time poor pickledparsnip how have u coped?

Froggy2013 Sat 16-Mar-13 00:52:32

Personally I would change it now if you're worried, you will get used to using a different name, he's still young.

mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 01:03:29

ladymia has your friend chose another name that she knows she'll be 100% happy with & has she already began to use it? i havnt got another name i know i would be 100% happy with.changing name at 6mnths seems such a taboo thing to do. i hope all goes well 4u x

fromheretomaternity Sat 16-Mar-13 01:07:37

Mine are 5 and 2 and I still sometimes feel their names are a bit made -up if you know what I mean - but honestly, as their personalities grow, they are growing into their names and it feels less odd. So don't stress if it takes time. Btw I like the name!

ladymia Sat 16-Mar-13 01:16:53

No they decided this a couple of weeks ago and they think they have a name they now like. she is going to try calling him that for a few weeks and then change it, if it suits him and she is more comfortable with it.

Ask yourself what you are more comfortable with

1) using noah for the rest of his life
2) picking another name you do actually like, try calling him that if it fits then change it

mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 01:18:07

thanx fromhere i hope it gets easier 4 me too.

mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 01:29:14

ladymia il be intrested to know how your friend gets on does she come on MN? i wish her well &i hope she feels happy with her new choice because this is an awfull thing to suffer from & it does kinda affect your relationship with the baby&takes some of the enjoyment of your baby away. i often wonder if i have felt this way no matter what name id have gone with??

nooka Sat 16-Mar-13 02:36:24

How are you finding motherhood in general? I was wondering if you were maybe generally finding it difficult to adjust and somehow it's the name thing that's caught your focus?

When my dd was born we got a bit stuck on her name for a while, partly because we were very surprised to have a girl (we were convinced she'd be a boy) but mostly I think because her birth was quite emotionally traumatic.

pickledparsnip Sat 16-Mar-13 09:06:10

mumsywoo I hope you're not feeling this way in 3 years time too. It has got easier over time, but I am still unhappy about it & will always call him one of nicknames over his first name. I get serious name envy all the time. I should have changed his name within the first year, but due to lots of reasons I didn't. I plan on giving him another middle name of my choosing.

pickledparsnip Sat 16-Mar-13 09:10:31

Agree with Nooka. How are you feeling?

I became quite obsessive over my son's name in the first year because in hindsight I had terrible pnd. It was one of the things I obsessed over.

I am not suggesting that you have pnd & don't like it when people immediately assume you have if something is a bit wrong, but sometimes these things are related.

TinkBelle Sat 16-Mar-13 09:15:54

I had a friend who changed her dd's name at six months old as she didn't like it, her dd is now 14 years old, no harm came to her from a name change and I couldn't even tell you what the original name was. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but living with a daily anxiety is not healthy for any of you.

pickledparsnip Sat 16-Mar-13 09:18:46

Oh mumsywoo I know exactly what you mean about taking some of the enjoyment of you baby away. I felt exactly the same. Wish I could give you a hug.

My son's name is incredibly popular, I hate how popular it is. I wanted something a bit more original. I try to put things into persepctive. How important really is a name? Personality makes a person, not a name. I've been thinking about my friendship group & everyones names, & I never really take much notice of anyone's names over a certain age. It certainly doesn't make me think a certain thing/way about someone. I only ever notice if someone has a very unusual name.

If you want to go with Noah then start saying it, I think that will help. If there is another name you like then go for that. It is definitely not too late.

Be kind to yourself.

mumsywoo78 Sat 16-Mar-13 12:21:52

pickled i go through times when im "happier" with his name & then times when sadly not like this week but im not as bad as i was 3mnths ago id constantly obsess over it.maybe it is a symptom of pnd i did go docs over this and were given "happy pills". i have an older child aswell &iv always really enjoyed motherhood.who knows why this happens but through coming on here&reading other peoples storys it does seem quite common&made me feel im not alone.

sparklechops Sun 17-Mar-13 18:25:48

Hi mumsywoo. We have spoken on other threads about this. Really sorry to hear you are still struggling with this.

I've had a similar thing with my daughter's name. I was completely obsessing over it, felt I had failed my daughter by choosing the wrong name. All very unexpected and strange.

Dr told me I have anxiety. The name has become a focus of this.

Could this apply to your situation? For what it is worth, I think you have chosen a beautiful name for your son.

But I doubt that other people can convince you, if you feel anything like me.

sparklechops Sun 17-Mar-13 18:27:31

Sorry, just seen you have been to the dr already. Could you go back and have another chat?

mumsywoo78 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:11:52

hi sparklechops i was wondering how u were getin on hope things have become easier 4u. the last time we spoke u gave me some clues 2 yur dds name does it begin with M if yes i have guessed the name u have given her & its a great name infact i know some1 with that name its lovely but like uve said no 1 can convince u of it. do u struggle using her name like me? i to think its just an anxiety thing rather than pnd have u been given any treatment 4 it &if yes do u find its helping? this is also very unexpect & strange 4 me. i hope ur feeling much better x

sparklechops Mon 18-Mar-13 19:38:02

Hi mumsywoo...thanks for saying that. In my heart, I think I know the name is fine. But it is a weird obsession of mine. Not sure how it started. But it seems to be rooted in a fear of failing my daughter in some way.

Ok, cod psychology over! I have been having therapy for the anxiety. Think it is helping a bit.

I hope all this goes away soon. She is one now so I have accepted I can't change her name.

How about you? Is there a name you prefer? Do you have a DP? What do they think?

sparklechops Mon 18-Mar-13 19:40:42

And yes I do struggle to use it and have loads of random nicknames!

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Mon 18-Mar-13 19:47:40

Could I ask you to please stop with the text speak - people with reading equipment can't read the posts (we have several members who do this) and it's just not necessary.

It's easy to change a baby's name in the first year - after that it's more difficult.

I know it feels wrong to do it and you'll probably get a few hmm <mostly from family grin BUT if you are certain it's the name and not a symptom of depression then you should change it. Find a name you think you'll love and try it out for a few weeks (probably best to do it when you are alone or with strangers - not friends and family until you are sure!).

Lots of people on MN have changed their children's names over the years - it's really, really not the worst thing in the world to do smile

mumsywoo78 Mon 18-Mar-13 20:59:39

sparklechops i know deep down that iv given my boy a good name too but just like u it doesnt stop the obsessing over it.i hear loads of random names and for a few days il obsess &think why didnt i call him that then a few days later i realise that i dont like the name iv heard anyway! im also obsessed with what people have named there babys il stop new mums in supermarkets &ask what theyve named their new baby boy& if its a name i quite like il obsess again for a few days! sounds crazy i know. my dp is fine with his name mainly calls him no-no though. my dd loves his name. is your dp or hubby fine with your girls lovely name. i can also relate to what u said about the fear of failing your child.

sparklechops Mon 18-Mar-13 22:36:35

Yes, I do that too, mumsywoo! The obsessing over other names, I mean. And I haunt the baby names board torturing myself. But then I look at her and think, 'No, that's not it either!'

My DH loves our daughter's name. Every time we talk about it I end up in tears. It is very painful for me to talk about in real life. Noone else seems to understand. The worst thing is that it feels so trivial. You know, my baby is happy and healthy and I know how lucky I am.

Yet I feel like this.

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