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To be worried about this mother's bahaviour?

(126 Posts)
mumofasnottybaby Fri 30-Oct-09 11:15:04

Ok, I don't know this woman personally, she is an acquaintence of my sister and her friends. Hence I don't know all the details, plus don't want to give too much away anyway. Have namechanged as well for this - not a troll!!

She is treating her son as though he is disabled/SN - but he isn't. She is constantly going on about how much is 'wrong' with him. He isn't toilet trained (at 5) - but she hasn't tried toilet training him. He has a feeding tube inserted into his stomach because by spinning various tales she convinced heathcare professionals that he was unable to eat (he is perfectly able - my sis has witnessed!). He has been on long term antibiotics for chest infections - the pediatrician has taken him off them because he can't understand why he's on them in the first place. She's now giving him the ABs she has left at home against advice. She is also trying to get him into the SN school even though all healthcare professionals involved have now said there is no need because there is nothing wrong with him!! She is quite open about all this. My sis and her friends are all close because their DCs all have SN of varying degrees of severity - it is almost as though she wants him to be disabled so she can join in. She frequently makes comments about his behaviour (normal for a 5 yo boy) and cites incidents where he has fallen over as evidence of his 'disability'.

Don't get me wrong - I realise that mum knows best and my sis and her friends are the last people who would be unsupportive of someone trying to get a diagnosis, but the more she tells me about this woman the more I think she is at serious risk of doing her son some harm. If I were my sister I would be considering reporting her to SS (would never do it myself as realise I'm getting this info second hand). My sis thinks she can't report her as she doesn't know her surname or address (she just knows her through various parenting groups). I think they'll be able to trace her easily enough as my sis knows the school he goes to and the consultant he is under. WWYD?

PeedOffWithNits Fri 30-Oct-09 11:33:54

wasn't this case in the news a few weeks ago? mother had fiddled £1000s in benefits, conned specialists by lying, spiked urine samples with sugar, put child through operations, even claimed she had been raped to miss a hospital appt

OR it has spread to you as an urban myth supposedly about a "friend of a friend" but actually based on the true case

OR you are a troll

OR there is another mother just as sick as the one in the news, which would be very sad indeed

those are the options as I see them!

Slambang Fri 30-Oct-09 11:44:12

frankly, you don't know this woman. You are only going on what you've been told by your sister who 'doesn't know her surname or address' so clearly doesn't know her that well either. The child sounds as if he is under the control of doctors who will have a much clearer view of matters than you or your sister.

Yet you feel qualified to say she is putting the child at risk of serious harm. Doctors don't insert feeding tubes just on a neurotic moum's say so. hmm

mumofasnottybaby Fri 30-Oct-09 12:11:05

Seriously not a troll, and she defo isn't an urban myth! I hadn't actually heard of the case in the news, it sounds awful sad.

I realise I don't know her - hence why I would never presume to report her as I don't know all the facts. Was just wondering what people would do in my sister's shoes given that she does know her and she is privy to her saying things like 'oh the doctors have said not to give him the drugs anymore but I'm going to anyway as I've some left' - that sort of thing. The reason she knows this woman is going against advice is because she's so open about it!

It sounds to me like this mother needs help rather than condemning but my sis doesn't know how to offer her support without making it sound like she is being v. judgy.

claw3 Fri 30-Oct-09 12:21:48

Leave it to the experts, im sure they would have more knowledge and more info on the boy, than your sister and her friends.

Tee2072 Fri 30-Oct-09 12:24:29

Its a disease. Its called Münchhausen by Proxy. I'm surprised her doctors haven't figured that out already.

mumofasnottybaby Fri 30-Oct-09 12:28:19

Fair enough, I'm sure you're right.

Just re-read my OP and it sounds far more judgmental than I'd intended! I talk to dsis every day and she's always telling me about this woman and how worried she is. Had just come off the phone and I think I was a bit incensed.

Still, if anybody else reads this thread and has experience of this type of behaviour I'd welcome advice on how best my sis can offer her support.

LynetteScavo Fri 30-Oct-09 12:30:52

Why have you name changed if you don't even know this woman?

Your sister doesn't even know her surname or adress...but knows she is faking her son's SN's.

This woman will be in contact with HV. GP, hostpital Dr's etc, so really it's up to them to decide what this boys problems are or arn't. sounds like the health care porfessionals know what's going on if he's being refused a place at the SN school.

And I reckon, even if you don't potty train, a completely normal child will eventually become clean and dry though choice.(I'm prepared to be flamed on this one though!)

Are YBU to worry? No, I worry about all sorts of things that aren't my business.

curiositykilledscarybin Fri 30-Oct-09 12:31:40

See I'm not sure you should leave it. Doctors DO often do things like prescrbe drugs or put in feeding tubes because of things a mum has said about a young child. But having said that I'm not sure what you should do. In cases like this the children do normally end up with special needs because of the extreme lengths the parent has gone to to make them sick. Would SS even do anything? Either way it needs to be your sis that contacts them or the woman's HV or GP as you've never met her.

LynetteScavo Fri 30-Oct-09 12:32:03

I'd also agree it's Münchhausen by Proxy.

claw3 Fri 30-Oct-09 12:33:45

What type of behaviour?

As someone already said Dr's wouldnt insert a feeding tube just because the mum says her child doesnt eat. Nor would they prescribe antibiotics for a chest infection, if there were no signs of a infection.

curiositykilledscarybin Fri 30-Oct-09 12:34:00

Since the specialisation of services and super-practices you hardly ever see the same doctor anymore, it's hard for them to pick up on things like this and there's a number of routes a parent can go down to try and cover it up.

curiositykilledscarybin Fri 30-Oct-09 12:35:56

Doctors regularly prescribe anti-biotics when they are not needed if they have a pushy patient. A doctor might very well install a feeding tube in a young child who was being starved by it's mother and who's moher hysterically insisted the child wouldn't or couldn't eat.

whoooooisasking Fri 30-Oct-09 12:37:56

Not toilet trained but in school, and not a SN school?

Is that possible?

lovechoc Fri 30-Oct-09 12:38:35

It's not really something you can just label after someone starts a thread...we don't know all the details yet, there could be a lot more to the situation than the sister has been told.

I would personally just leave it to the HPs.

peanutbutterkid Fri 30-Oct-09 12:39:32

Lisa Hayden-Johnson? Lives in Exeter?

mumofasnottybaby Fri 30-Oct-09 12:39:41

Well one example of her behaviour - she is still giving him antibiotics because she has a stash left over at home. This after the pead told her not to give them anymore - he had been on a long term low dose for repeated chest infections. Sister knows this because she is openly giving them - because it's 'ridiculous that you have to wait for him to get ill before getting drugs'.

NB reason I namechanged is because I've previously mentioned my hometown on here and given the sensitivity I wanted to minimise the risk of her being identified. I post here regularly.

diddl Fri 30-Oct-09 12:40:56

So they´d put in a feeding tube and send home, rather than take the child into hospital for monitoring?

claw3 Fri 30-Oct-09 12:42:42

Curiosity - OP didnt mention the boy being starved, she said the mother spurn various tales.

I have a ds with SN who has a food phobia and various other problems and eats very little, the dr's would think i was bloody bonkers if i insisted on them inserting a feeding tube.

They would only insert a tube if boy was seriously underweight and not growing as he should be.

My ds also has shadows on his lungs, if i asked for antibiotics, they would listen to his chest and only prescribe them if there were signs of an infection.

PeedOffWithNits Fri 30-Oct-09 12:43:52

in the case in the news, doctors DID operate to insert a permanent feeding tube after the mother had lied sufficiently long for them to believe her child NEEDED to be tube fed only. this child had multiple "problems" all of which were faked. the poor child was totally robbed of a normal childhood by the person who should have protected him more than anyone else. very very sad

sadly, it is not unknown for "normal" children to turn up to school un-potty trained by lazy parents - and they then expect the teacher to do it for them, and yes i do mean school not nursery.

yes I agree if genuine it is Munch-watsits, but i couldn't spell it!

scottishmummy Fri 30-Oct-09 12:44:49

dear god.stop rattle tattling on MN and report this.if what you say is true you must report are describing repeated and serious abuse.potentially psychologically and physically harmful

and everyone else needs to refrain from the on line diagnostics.given no one has met,assessed taken history or corroborated this story.them no one knows reasons for this alleged behaviours

op if this is true and you dont report you are complicit in child abuse

curiositykilledscarybin Fri 30-Oct-09 12:45:04

There are lots of parents who do this to a much lesser degree than Lisa Hayden-Johnson... It is not as uncommon as people think. I do think you should leave it to your sis and try to get her to find out which GP the woman is with and maybe speak to them.

mumofasnottybaby Fri 30-Oct-09 12:48:13

I don't know all the reason behind her son's feeding tube, like I said my info is all second hand. I do know she has already mentioned to sis & friends that she is going to talk to the paed about a tube for her younger son who is under a year as he isn't feeding well (he is weaning).

Her son can defo eat by the way - my sis has seen him nick some food!!

curiositykilledscarybin Fri 30-Oct-09 12:48:29

I know the OP didn't say the child in this situation had been starved but if you think about it starving your young child would be a way to make them underweight and stunt their growth, then you go to the doctor several times hysterical because the child won't or can't eat, then the doc inserts a tube whilst they investigate the cause of the not being able to eat. The child is too young to have control or verbal input into this situation and then grows up believing he can't eat.

scottishmummy Fri 30-Oct-09 12:50:04

stop pissing about on MN.if you are telling truth call SS NOW

stop posting gossipy tittle tattle and do something useful

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