to ask for stories of education disasters all working out fine

[lu9months]

my son is 16 and very bright but anxious. he was predicted excellent gcses. however his anxiety has become so severe that hes no longer able to get into school for the gcse assessments. he doesnt think he can do A levels now. im panicking about his future but all that really matters is his wellbeing. id love to hear stories of school/education problems all working out fine in the end, to help me focus on the here and now and stop worrying so much about what the future holds . thanks.

[lu9months]

assume everyone on here has had super successful education and therefore careers. sob.

[listsandbudgets]

That's very hard for him and you.

My best friend at school was like this - she was so bad she missed 3 or 4 exams including maths and English and thought she'd need to give up completely.

However , she applied to sixth form college who made an exemption on the usual results and redid maths and english alongside her first year of A Levels and went on to university.

[MaMaD1990]

Oh bless him. I was very very average at school and was TERRIBLE with exams. I studied hard and did the best I could, got alright grades but nothing amazing. The best move I made was pulling out of uni and going into an apprenticeship - earning money, real world environment, no endless exams and mostly coursework, no student debt. It's given me such a good start in working life and I've done well for myself (lots of different jobs spanning comes, child services, physo and health services). All is not lost if he's crap with exams, encourage him to think about what he'd like to do and mention an apprenticeship scheme, its worth a shot.

[MissyB1]

My ds was 14 when his life started unraveling. He was insecure with low self esteem, he started using cannabis to relax. It wasn’t long before he was addicted. He left school at 16 with minimum GCSEs.

He sorted himself out gradually over the next 4 years with counselling. Then got enrolled on an access course to do a healthcare degree. He will qualify as a radiographer next summer.

If they have the will to do well and succeed they will get there in the end. It doesn’t have to be right now.

Tell him to relax he’s got the rest of his life. 16 is very young.

[gwenneh]

My parents would never have entertained the concept. I didn't get to decide to opt out based on MH, no matter how much I wanted to and how much better I would have felt in the immediate sense. Short term pain for long term gain and all that.

My parents also aggressively sought treatments for MH and SEN in a period when those things weren't common, or held as a legal right. So they acknowledged the problems and went after them.

It worked out fine because they made it work out fine -- chiefly by my mother making it her full time occupation to do so, and very frequently against what would have been a relief in the short term.

[Washimal]

My DH left school at 16 with no GCSE's. He hated school, we now know this was largely due to undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia but this wasn't picked up at the time so his Teachers assumed he was lazy or didn't care. He is now in a senior position in a Tech company and earns three times as much as me. He just started at the bottom and worked his way up, but it didn't take him long because he's bright, enthusiastic and really good at what he does, school just wasn't for him. When we were younger he had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about being the only one in our friend group who didn't go to university but now he couldn't care less, probably because he has frequently been promoted over colleagues who have lots of letters after their name. Most importantly, he really likes his job and is a fundamentally happy and contented person.

Your DS will be okay, OP.

[MissConductUS]

My DS was rather severely language delayed as a toddler and really struggled through year 6, as the language delay also delayed his reading. He's a bright kid but always felt stupid because of the language issues.

He's about to go into his fourth and final year of uni (we're in the US) and has done brilliantly there. He's just completed a well-paid internship with a very prestigious multinational accounting firm and they've already offered him a full time job upon his graduation next spring.

[spiderlight]

My best friend's son has severe anxiety problems (mostly due to ASD that was undiagnosed until he was 15) and barely made it into school at all from year 9 onwards. He decided half-way through year 11 that he wanted to have a go at his GCSEs and took (I think) seven subjects, studying entirely from home and sitting as an independent candidate. He got one B and all the rest were all A and A. He went to college and coped much better than at school (although again this has been mostly from home thanks to Covid) and is predicted A and A grades at A-level, and has an unconditional offer from his first-choice uni course.

This might not be helpful, I realise, due to the teacher-assessed grades this year. All I can advise is to prioritise your son's mental health and keep in close contact with the school to see what help and adjustments they can offer. My heart goes out to you and your son, it really does.

[HugeAckmansWife]

I've been a teacher for 20 years. Over that time I have seen many students need to repeat a year, or take a different route, or swap courses and without exception they have all worked out OK. Some realised after a term that A levels or uni wasn't for them and found work, or discovered whole new interests and pathways. Supportive parents are the key, though not to the point of indulging idleness. He will find his way, it just may not be the traditional one or what you and he envisaged.

[littledrummergirl]

Ds2 is not particularly academic. He started sixth form then left to join the army. Unfortunately they discovered a medical problem so he had to leave.

Do was doing some renovation work at the time and ds2 helped him, this then led to him starting a carpenter course at college, doing English along side it. He's just completed his second year, is really happy and is also working full-time in the evenings.
He is doing incredibly well, his resilience and perseverance are more than making up for the academic stuff. He is also a kind caring individual that I am very lucky to know.

[lu9months]

thankyou so so much all, this is just what i need to read today 💗

[SteveArnottsCodeine]

One of my best friends went off the rails at 15. Didn’t get a single GCSE (despite being predicted A*s and As) because she didn’t attend a single exam. Ended up working in a shop. Got her act together at 20, went to an adult education college in the evening and did GCSEs and A Levels, went to uni after. Is now a successful teacher.

[Parsley1234]

I Work with 16-24 on kickstart there are so many kids esp boys that have suffered due to the last year and kickstart could be a good option real jobs some with prospects as well. My career was a clusterfuck grade A student left with minimal qualifications then art college got Anerexia then left before graduation modelled for a bit travelled a bit had one disaster after another relationship and work then got my shit together at 32 and now I’m very ok

[crabette]

My uncle was dreadful at school, just wanted to play football and no interest in studying. He went for an interview before taking his A levels... another boy in his year did the same. They offered the other boy in his year the job, but he wanted to wait and start the job after his A levels... where my dad said he would forfeit his A levels and start right away. (As he knew he would get rubbish results anyway!) He managed to get the job, worked hard, and is now operations director for England of a multi million pound company. There are loads of different routes to success, if your son has the mindset to succeed he can, regardless of what happens in exams, and especially in the next year or two with all the upheaval!!

[User65412]

My brother hardly attended school from year 8 after our parents broke up and we moved. Slipped into depression and cannabis use. Couldn't hold down a job. Started to sort himself out age 24, did some access courses and got his driving license. Now a qualified plumber with his own home and family. Took him longer but he got there - he just needed to go at his own pace.

[amusedbush]

I've posted this before on similar threads so apologies to anyone who has seen it before!

I hated school and constantly felt like I was playing catch-up because I didn't understand what was going on and was too embarrassed to ask. I'm now 31 and under assessment for autism and ADHD, which explains a lot! I did okay in my standard grades (GSCE equivalent) but procrastinated the following year, got shite grades in my Highers (A-Level) and then left halfway through my final year so I couldn't have gone to university if I'd wanted to.

I mooched around in temporary admin jobs through an agency for a while, then found my way into university administration. When I was 24 my then-manager encouraged me to do an HNC at the local college two evenings a week. I then stumbled upon an online "top up" degree via a local university who gave me advanced entry and I did that around my 9-5. Surprisingly, I loved it so I took up the university's offer of a discount on an online MSc and did that, again around my 9-5. I absolutely adored the research side of it, ended up winning a medal for getting the top grades in the cohort and was offered a full PhD scholarship at another local uni. When I interviewed for my place the panel made it clear that my extensive experience on the admin side of HE was very attractive to them.

I jacked in my job, took a leap of faith and I'm now coming to the end of my first year as a PhD student. It is the best thing I've ever done, though I'm under no illusion about how difficult it is to find academic jobs. Ask me in 2023 if I'm a success story

[Bobblesock]

My friend dropped out of alevels after her mum threw her out, had a few 'lost' years, then went to college for b Tec, degree then postgrad, now a headteacher of a lovely school...

[Tiktokersmiracle]

DD was horrendously bullied at primary from year 4 to 5. School were atrocious. We ended up deregging and home educating from the end of March of year 5 to July, when she joined a new school. Old school sent nothing over so new school did some testing. DD had no maths knowledge after year 2.
Going into year 6, with her still being anxious (literally to the point if a teacher raised a voice she would run out the room in fear) we thought she wouldn't sit her Sats. School said basically not on their watch.
In the end, in 6 months, they caught her up. They did breathing exercises for her anxiety, it was done so holistically, off the school's own back. And she passed her Sats.

[HavelockVetinari]

What's the GP said about his anxiety, has he been offered beta blockers or other medication? It can really help - definitely don't discount medical support. What about CBT - can you afford it? It worked wonders for me in conjunction with medication.

[Cowbells]

@Washimal

My DH left school at 16 with no GCSE's. He hated school, we now know this was largely due to undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia but this wasn't picked up at the time so his Teachers assumed he was lazy or didn't care. He is now in a senior position in a Tech company and earns three times as much as me. He just started at the bottom and worked his way up, but it didn't take him long because he's bright, enthusiastic and really good at what he does, school just wasn't for him. When we were younger he had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about being the only one in our friend group who didn't go to university but now he couldn't care less, probably because he has frequently been promoted over colleagues who have lots of letters after their name. Most importantly, he really likes his job and is a fundamentally happy and contented person.

Your DS will be okay, OP.

What a lovely post. OP, there are plenty of people like this in the world. Exams are one way to succeed, not the only way.

FWIW, DS2 had chronic exam anxiety and did badly in his GCSEs. But he did far better once he was down to three A level subjects he enjoyed (though never had to face A level exams because of Covid.) He's now at a uni where he has managed to choose options that mean he never has to sit an exam as all the modules he has chosen are marked course work. So there are ways through and round it.

[lu9months]

hes on anti depressants and beta blockers. weve paid for cbt a for quite a while. cant see huge improvement yet

[sandgrown]

Thanks for starting this thread . My son failed all but one GCSE but managed to get in at college where he passed English but is on his fifth attempt at Maths. He feels stupid as he is older than most of the class and does not want to try again . He is waiting to be assessed for undiagnosed ADHD and had terrible anxiety under all the bravado. He will complete his BTEC but university is not for him so he is now hoping for an apprenticeship. He wishes he had gone straight to apprenticeship. We had to leave our home when his dad attacked him and his MH has been terrible so they have mentioned there may be special circumstances.

[username12345T]

I come from a difficult background and there was absolutely no expectation whatsoever that I would do well at school. My parents used to call me 'thick' all the time, whenever I opened my mouth.

I didn't get good grades for my GCSEs (three Cs) I think, can't remember. I did night classes and went on to to A levels. Got into university and to cut a long story short have a first degree and two Master's degrees, my last one with distinction. I also have a whole raft of professional qualifications including BTEC Level 5's in Business and Management, things like that.

I would try to see it as a marathon rather than a race and the added pressure will make his anxiety worse. Let him go at his own pace.

[kaleishorrid]

@Tiktokersmiracle

DD was horrendously bullied at primary from year 4 to 5. School were atrocious. We ended up deregging and home educating from the end of March of year 5 to July, when she joined a new school. Old school sent nothing over so new school did some testing. DD had no maths knowledge after year 2.
Going into year 6, with her still being anxious (literally to the point if a teacher raised a voice she would run out the room in fear) we thought she wouldn't sit her Sats. School said basically not on their watch.
In the end, in 6 months, they caught her up. They did breathing exercises for her anxiety, it was done so holistically, off the school's own back. And she passed her Sats.

So terrible that your DD was bullied but how amazing of her second school - your post made me tear up.

I wish all schools could be like your DD's second school

[LadyOfLittleLeisure]

I began to have serious mental health problems and was badly bullied when I was 18 and my mum became so concerned she allowed me to not go to school. I worked hard at home, without any teacher input and was still able to sit my exams (it was a private school though, not all state schools would allow this). I came away with As in all my A levels and went to uni just fine.

If his anxiety is awful can he be signed off as medically unfit by CAMHS and then they have to provide tuition (eg online).