Talk

Advanced search

Invited to a hen weekend - not to the wedding.

(112 Posts)
Pebblexox Wed 15-Jul-20 18:57:12

Hi all.
Posting on phone so sorry if format is funny.
Over the last year I reconnected with an old friend, she recently got engaged and has a wedding booked for next year. She's getting married abroad, so I assume a semi intimate so wasn't expecting an invite due to only recently becoming friends again.
I've been invited on her hen weekend which will cost me over £200 to attend, not including travel etc.
However I've been added into a group chat with all the people going on the hen and it seems I'm the only one not invited to the wedding. I had no problems with not being invited, however now they're all talking about what they'll be doing the night before the wedding I feel rather awkward and a bit meh about it, and I don't want to go and that be all they're discussing whilst I sit in the corner like a lone recluse.
Would I be being unreasonable not to attend the hen? Or am I just being silly?

OP’s posts: |
CatToddlerUprising Wed 15-Jul-20 19:00:57

I wouldn’t go. If you want to meet up before the wedding, I would take her for lunch or dinner instead.

Thingsdogetbetter Wed 15-Jul-20 19:01:03

Did you reconnect after she'd done the wedding numbers, or even just before? It's a lot easier to add another person to a hen night than a wedding if there are number constraints.

katy1213 Wed 15-Jul-20 19:01:21

£200 is a lot to spend on a weekend you won't enjoy. Just thank her for the invitation and politely decline. No explanation required!

Pebblexox Wed 15-Jul-20 19:02:09

@thingsdogetbetter
Before. They booked their wedding about 3 weeks ago.

OP’s posts: |
Notonthestairs Wed 15-Jul-20 19:04:02

I wouldn't spend £200 for a weekend away with people I didn't know and was unlikely to ever see again.

Jen435 Wed 15-Jul-20 19:04:08

Yeah I would decline. Without meaning to be rude, I see a hen as your closest girl mates and anyone I would've wanted at my hen I would've definitely wanted at my wedding. Also in my experience hen parties are a lot of talk about the wedding and if you're already feeling excluded it may only get worse and sour your recent and positively rekindled friendship. As a PP say, maybe take her for dinner or a drink instead.

AlwaysCheddar Wed 15-Jul-20 19:04:55

I wouldn’t bother going.

Thisisworsethananticpated Wed 15-Jul-20 19:06:09

Fuck that ! Bail
It’s too much money for starters and it’s unkind

2155User Wed 15-Jul-20 19:06:18

Definitely wouldn't go

Crackerofdoom Wed 15-Jul-20 19:06:28

Hen weekends are generally the worst way to spend your time in my experience. Even more so if you are a peripheral member of the group.

I wouldn't be hurt or offended, but I definitely wouldn't go

Pebblexox Wed 15-Jul-20 19:07:28

Thank you all! That's exactly what I was thinking, but I didn't want to come across as silly or petty if I declined.
Yes I will definitely do something with her before, to celebrate!

OP’s posts: |
OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 15-Jul-20 19:09:37

Happened to a friend of mine, she didn’t go. I wouldn’t either! Least you can get for forking out for a hen do is a meal and glass of processco at the wedding

labyrinthloafer Wed 15-Jul-20 19:10:37

It is rude to invite you, not the done thing at all. You can select a subset of wedding guests for the hen night but not the other way round!

So politely decline.

MimiSunshine Wed 15-Jul-20 19:11:16

I wouldn’t go.

However I remember a friend having a stag do and inviting some mates from uni who were t invited to the wedding.
When I said that’s really weird and won’t they be expecting a wedding invite? Him and the bride got a bit defensive and said “people have to understand that numbers aren’t unlimited and have to be drawn somewhere plus the stag Is a good way of Everyone catching up again”.

I still think it’s rude but it seems plenty don’t and just think it’s a nice chance of a weekend away

Justagenie Wed 15-Jul-20 19:11:17

You would be being unreasonable to consider going!! 😅

Pebblexox Wed 15-Jul-20 19:11:18

Yeah, I'm not upset I'm not invited I wasn't expecting to be, but obviously I find it so awkward to sit around in a group who are talking about something when you don't have anything to say.
I'm quite an awkward person at the best of times, so it would definitely be my worst nightmare confused

OP’s posts: |
LockdownLump Wed 15-Jul-20 19:12:39

How do you know you won't enjoy it? If I fancied a weekend away and a laugh, I'd go, whether I was invited to the wedding or not.

It's a weekend away and I don't think £200+ travel is actually that much and I'm not rich by any means.

But if you're feeling resentful, I'd leave it.

Lifeisabeach09 Wed 15-Jul-20 19:13:08

I was invited to friend's hen night but not the wedding. I assumed I was invited to make up numbers (and to pay!) for said friend's night out. I declined.

LockdownLump Wed 15-Jul-20 19:13:31

Ah xpost sorry. Yeah. I'd leave it. Doesn't sound like you would enjoy it.

Dozer Wed 15-Jul-20 19:13:33

Yeah, decline the hen do invitation.

Pebblexox Wed 15-Jul-20 19:16:04

@lockdownlump
It's not that I wouldn't enjoy it, I'm sure the weekend would be lovely. But as it's a group of close knit girls, all who will be talking about the wedding. I know I'd feel awkward sat on the outside. As I said, I can be quite an awkward person anyway around new people. This would probably make me shrivel up a little haha.
The money doesn't really bother, it really is more the not being involved in the majority of conversations. I remember my hen weekend a lot of the time the conversation drifted back to being about the wedding.

OP’s posts: |
airbags Wed 15-Jul-20 19:20:17

No thanks but have a lovely time.

DisobedientHamster Wed 15-Jul-20 19:21:48

No brainer. Thank her for the invitation and decline. Unfollow the group.

KeepingPlain Wed 15-Jul-20 19:22:58

I think you're maybe being a little silly. Consider the current covid situation. She's getting married abroad, which makes it even dodgier having a wedding. You've only just come back into her life, whereas she may be closer to these other people. So the numbers will be small being abroad, she wants to take certain people important to her and you've unfortunately not made the cut. There may be loads of brides having to cut people out that they don't want to from their wedding, but can invite to the hen do. That may happen to me, if I have to restrict numbers, I may be unable to take some friends to my wedding but can for the hen do.

But you know her and the situation better, and if you still don't want to go, you don't have to. A £200 hen do is slightly OTT in my mind, but for a weekend I guess it's not too expensive. Just not what I'd want to do.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in