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To not know why my friend has cut me off?

(106 Posts)
Showmerheway Sat 27-Jun-20 06:17:21

I've been close friends with a man since we were very young, he was one of my best friends. We'd been friends for about 10 years, across our teenage years and into our early twenties where we are now. There was always a somewhat sexual element to the relationship and he asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of times when we were teenagers. I turned him down because I didn't feel ready for a relationship.

Our close friendship continued through university and we both graduated last year. We lived in separate cities but always saw each other when we both returned to our home town at the same time.

Since lockdown began, I moved back to my home town to live with my parents, as did he.

He first messages me asking to meet up and I tried to arrange for us to meet outside. He agreed to plans 3 times in a row and each time then flaked last minute with silly excuses.

I got slightly annoyed with him after the third time and he at first was defensive but layer apologised, giving no reason for why he really kept cancelling.

Since then, I've heard nothing from him, despite the fact he's living only a 5 minute walk away from me.

I really miss him and I'm not sure why he's cut me off, or how I can rekindle our friendship. Should I ring him and ask him what's going on?

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Showmerheway Sat 27-Jun-20 06:25:19

It's weird, I've just woken up this morning really upset about this. I don't want such a long and good friendship to fizzle away to nothing

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lyralalala Sat 27-Jun-20 06:27:20

Ring him and ask

LellyMcKelly Sat 27-Jun-20 06:27:43

If he’s only 5 minutes away pop round and check he’s ok.

Biggles001 Sat 27-Jun-20 06:31:51

Agree with PP, pop round there unannounced to check he's ok

BoomBoomsCousin Sat 27-Jun-20 06:33:39

There’s not much point asking us. Call him.

ThatsNotMyMeerkat Sat 27-Jun-20 06:35:17

He may still have residual feelings for you, and what is a long and good friendship from your perspective, may well be more complicated from his point of view.

Showmerheway Sat 27-Jun-20 06:38:11

I think he did continue to like me throughout university. The complicated thing is that I've realised in the last few months that I like him, and would like for us to give it a go romantically. This is what i had planned to say when we were going to meet up, but of course this didn't happen because he kept cancelling

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BMaman Sat 27-Jun-20 06:38:36

A little left field but this is my reason I won't meet up with some folks for a while.

Could he have gained lockdown weight and is embarrassed?

Or something similar. Bad Covid haircut etc?

letmethinkaboutitfornow Sat 27-Jun-20 06:41:36

@Showmerheway
Maybe he came on to MN and complained about you turning him down ‘decades’ ago and got the advice of LTB 🤔🤔

Showmerheway Sat 27-Jun-20 06:46:09

I don't think it's because he's gained weight. He's been in people's stories a couple of times on social media and looks the same to me.

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RoomForMore Sat 27-Jun-20 06:59:18

Maybe it's hard for him to meet up with you when he has feelings for you but they aren't reciprocated. At least, he doesn't think they are...

Dashel Sat 27-Jun-20 06:59:57

Maybe he is nervous of being around you and rejected again? Maybe Give him a call at say 4.50 pm asking if you can pop over at 5pm with a bottle of wine, don’t give him any or much notice and he can’t chicken out

ChickenDinnerChecky Sat 27-Jun-20 07:10:13

Phone him?

LutherRalph1 Sat 27-Jun-20 07:13:03

Maybe he's met someone else?

dottiedodah Sat 27-Jun-20 07:13:30

Maybe he does have feelings for you .If he has liked you all this time then they must be quite strong .Equally he may have met someone else and they are not happy about it .Why not just pop over to say hello ?

TatianaBis Sat 27-Jun-20 07:13:54

I’m not sure why you’re asking us. He’s not cut you off anyway he just hasn’t got in touch for a while.

ReturnofSaturn Sat 27-Jun-20 07:18:03

I'm thinking he might have met somebody else.

Figgygal Sat 27-Jun-20 07:21:37

Talk to him
Maybe he’s got a lot on, lots of people are suffering with mental health due to lockdown, maybe he’s finding it hard to be friends because he wants more

juneisbustingout Sat 27-Jun-20 07:25:02

I think many people started to get used to the solitary nature of lockdown and may find they quite enjoy being alone.
I know I missed a couple of friends greatly for about two months. However I'm realising none of us are now making much of an effort to meet up again
I think we have to remember we've been living through the strangest times that all of us have experienced and it'll certainly have a knock on effect for a time to come

converseandjeans Sat 27-Jun-20 07:31:15

He's probably trying to create a barrier so he doesn't get hurt again. Sounds like he's been trying for 10 years and you keep turning him down. I don't think men bother with female friendships unless they have some romantic interest.

TatianaBis Sat 27-Jun-20 07:31:44

Yeah I thought he might be dating someone, even if it’s just online due to lockdown.

But if you don’t ask you won’t know.

Queenoftheashes Sat 27-Jun-20 07:52:37

Tell him you miss him

Showmerheway Sat 27-Jun-20 07:54:32

Maybe im being silly but I'm worried about coming across as desperate or clingy. I've already tried to reach out to him 3 times and each time he's cancelled. If I then ring him again or just turn up at his house, will I not look a bit like a stalker?

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Showmerheway Sat 27-Jun-20 07:54:58

Haven't rang him yet, that shouldn't have said 'again'.

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