'Not doing presents' but still accepting gifts...

[tiddlerandtea]

I have name changed as my aunts gift is very specific.

My aunt collects and loves Royal Albert Tea Sets. She asks for a particular style from my siblings and I every year and it's not always the full set but sometimes a style of tea pot or whatever.

This year she asked if all families would team up and buy her the Miranda Kerr for Royal Albert Tea set. We said yes and she asked for lists of gifts back for the families that roughly totaled the price we paid for the tea set.

That was fine.

I am the last house that she visits every year out of my siblings and I am the one who always presents her the gift and then leaves her home after. She turned up at my sisters house last night announcing that she wasn't doing gifts this year and my sister text me immediately to tell me.

She then came to my house and announced the same and while we were giving gifts to other family members who had arrived with her I purposely left her gift in another room ready to be returned Monday morning. My aunt said she was looking forward to showing everyone her new set and I said no, if she wasn't doing gifts she should have mentioned at the end of November when lists were being swapped instead of us spending a lot of money to receive nothing in return.

My cousin messaged me this morning to say that the whole thing was very embarrassing and we could have just handed the set over and decided that from now on we weren't doing gifts at all instead of 'punishing' my aunt as she is really really keen on the set. My siblings are all happy for the gift to be returned and us to all receive our money back.

I have apologised and said that I appreciate it was probably embarrassing but I am not handing out a £400 gift on behalf of my siblings and I when my aunt is coming with her arms the one length and fully willing to accept the gift. The money is better being shared back out and spent on our own families.

I am ready to be told I am unreasonable and it all sounds petty but I am sick to death of people claiming they aren't doing presents but not vocalising it with anyone else. It makes you look grabby and like a right old scrounge.

I also don't care about the 'act of giving'. People can say all day long it's about the feeling you get when someone opens a present they love but 9/10 it's just about keeping up appearances and being seen to play the Christmas game in my eyes.

[CodenameVillanelle]

That's unbelievably rude of her! She should have bought her own tea set. What a grabby cow

[VimFuego101]

I guess the decision to give or not give her the gift should have been a joint one, since you all contributed. She is a cheeky fucker though.

[bridgetreilly]

YANBU. If someone announces well in advance that they aren't doing gifts, but someone still chooses to buy them something, it's fair enough to accept that. But you can't tell people exactly what you want them to get you, then turn up to collect it and announce that you aren't doing gifts. That is CFery.

[tiddlerandtea]

@VimFuego101 Apologies, the post is so long but I included there, 'My siblings are all happy for the gift to be returned and us to all receive our money back.' We all discussed it and thought no way are we falling for that!!

[Shoxfordian]

You're not unreasonable at all
Don't back down op

[ohfourfoxache]

Fuck that, you have yourself your very own CF there

[WhoCaresWins01]

She was being a grabby cf!!!
I don't know if I would have had the guts to return her gift but I admire you for calling her out on it.

[Albern]

Well I don't think you are unreasonable at all, in fact I admire the stance you took, fair play to you.

[84claire84]

I love that you've done this. 😂😂. Good on you, many would of handed it over to keep the peace

1000000% YANBU.

[JKScot4]

£400 gift? I think you were mad to
agree to it! Basically you’re funding her collection, not even a gift for your DC from her??

[Andysbestadventure]

Her own kids can buy her it, the cheeky auld bag.

[londonrach]

Well done op!!!

[justthecat]

Good for you !

[VimFuego101]

Oh ok; I assumed the cousin was one of the people who chipped in. Perhaps they'd like to purchase it from you and gift it to the aunt since they feel so strongly she should have it

[fickthisshut]

Good for you!

[WeeDangerousSpike]

So the cousin has no stake in the gift, she was just telling you her mother was embarrassed to be called out on her breathtaking rudeness and cheekyfuckery?

YADNBU op.

Requesting a £400 gift, intending to give nothing in return, and she can't see what's wrong with that? Jesus? I'd be so ashamed of my mother if she did that - there's no way I would try and justify it, what the hell is wrong with them??!

[OlaEliza]

Yanbu at all. Well done on making a stand at the time.

[Rafflesway]

Brilliant OP!

May I be the first to give you all a big round of 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

She really is a prize CF! Either that or you are all mega wealthy. An aunt expecting a gift to the tune of £400. 🙀. Whatever happened to £15? unless you have about 25 siblings

[tiddlerandtea]

@JKScot4 Not a thing! We exchanged gifts with my cousins but absolutely nothing from her.

[PatchworkElmer]

YANBU. If you’d spent a tenner, fair enough. But £400?!?! Absolutely not.

[MrsFrostyTheSnowman]

Cheeky cow for expecting a 400 gift and not even giving a token gift back
You don’t give to receive but if she wanted to end the reciprocal gift giving she should have said months ago

[OhWellThatsJustGreat]

She should have said back in November and then if you and your siblings decided to go ahead and buy her the tea set and her not get anyone anything that's fine, but to tell you 4 days before when doing gift exchange, that's really bad!!!

[Horehound]

Well if she's not doing gifts then she can buy it herself with the money she's saved!
Cheeky git. Yanbu

[Butchyrestingface]

What did auntie say in response to you putting her straight, @tiddlerandtea?

[sherridan]

Not unreasonable at all in my view, well done for refusing to tolerate such game playing. "Not doing gifts" applies to both giving and receiving. The unreasonable person is your aunt for trying to use the fear of embarrassment to emotionally blackmail you into handing her an expensive item in exchange for nothing.