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Friend disciplined my child

(125 Posts)
WheredidIgowrongkid Wed 09-Oct-19 14:06:03

Hello! I've come across a rather difficult situation. Yesterday a friend confronted me about my son's behaviour claiming that he was essentially beating up her son. They're both 7 and in the same class. There has been a lot of disruption in the classroom and my son has struggled to cope with it and his mental health has taken a fair hit. During the discussion with the other boys mum she said that she and her partner had decided on a '3 strike and he's out' rule re my sons behaviour and he's had 2 strikes already. She never mentioned anything about his behaviour to me despite walking to school together and going to baby groups together. Aibu to be furious that she disciplined my child instead of talking to me about it and letting it all escalate to this level? She's prepared to put an end to their friendship if anything else happens.
To be clear my son has only retaliated when hers has pushed him beyond his limit and she says that she's 'made exceptions' because she knows he's having a hard time with school so I dread to think what would have been said if he was settled at school.

zzzzzzzz12345 Wed 09-Oct-19 14:07:42

She isn’t disciplining your child. She’s protecting her young son.

TheQueef Wed 09-Oct-19 14:07:49

Sorry how has she disciplined?

bloodywhitecat Wed 09-Oct-19 14:08:59

I am not clear on just how she disciplined him?

NearlyGranny Wed 09-Oct-19 14:09:07

Not her place to count strikes and tell you about it, as a sort of warning. Good luck to her keeping the two apart in school if they are friends. She can of course control who her child mixes with out of school; so can you with yours.

She sounds as if she'll be no great loss as a friend, tbh.

lunar1 Wed 09-Oct-19 14:09:08

How has she disciplined him?

Sexnotgender Wed 09-Oct-19 14:09:29

How is she disciplining your child, you don’t say in your post?
You describe her protecting her son by giving your child a couple of chances then removing her son from his company.

hormonesorDHbeingadick Wed 09-Oct-19 14:09:43

How and when did she discipline your child?

Digitalash Wed 09-Oct-19 14:10:47

Sorry I'm confused, when did she discipline your son and what did she do? Because from your OP she did nothing but come and speak to you? If your son is hitting her child you should be disciplining him regardless of whether the other child "drove him to it" or not. Two wrongs don't make a right.

You should speak to your friend about exactly what he'd son does that upsets yours and then she can speak to her son about it and you can speak to yours about not hitting.

ArsenicGreen Wed 09-Oct-19 14:10:50

Surely if it is happening in school the conversation needs to be with school?

Toastymash Wed 09-Oct-19 14:10:57

Are you saying that she's been smacking him, or punishing him in some other way? Sorry, it's not clear from your OP what she's actually doing to him. I would interpret her saying "3 strikes and he's out" to mean that after 3 incidents she no longer want them to spend time together.

pinkyredrose Wed 09-Oct-19 14:11:23

How do you know your son was retaliating, did he tell you?

MillfredTheGreat Wed 09-Oct-19 14:12:09

I don’t blame her. 7 is far too old to be hitting, I would expect that behaviour from a 2 year old. If I was her I wouldn’t want my son to be friends with yours either.

Rosehip10 Wed 09-Oct-19 14:12:24

Why are you letting your child get away with hitting others?

BlingLoving Wed 09-Oct-19 14:13:10

This doesn't make sense. She hasn't disciplined him. she's said she's going to keep him away from her child if he doesn't change his behaviour, which is fine.

The only thing I'd find odd is that if you're friends, and her and her DP started this, why not say something to you earlier. eg, "we don't want to do this, but your DS is really upsetting our DS so if things don't get better we are not going to be able to maintain a friendship between them" in the hopes that you'd help to get your DS to modify his behaviour.

grumpypregnanttired Wed 09-Oct-19 14:13:33

How did she discipline him? confused

Ellegeebee Wed 09-Oct-19 14:13:47

But she didn’t discipline your child and she IS talking to you about it.

recrudescence Wed 09-Oct-19 14:13:48

The three strikes thing is basically all in her head - she hasn’t actually done anything yet. But I agree it‘s all a bit weird and she should have just discussed things with you so you could work out a way forward together.

WheredidIgowrongkid Wed 09-Oct-19 14:14:43

She's told him that if he ever puts a hand on her child ever again there will be trouble. She's made out that her child is completely innocent when I've witnessed him starting trouble. When they are starting to get rough I remind them that they're friends and if it continues I ask the other child to go home for a while. I would never dream of telling another child off so much that they are inconsolable.

EssentialHummus Wed 09-Oct-19 14:15:11

mum she said that she and her partner had decided on a '3 strike and he's out' rule re my sons behaviour

What does this mean? She gave him two chances and told him off when he did it a third time?

If someone is harming / about to harm my DD I step in and tell them off. For anything minor - no. I might remove her or look around for the other parent, but that’s it.

EssentialHummus Wed 09-Oct-19 14:16:12

She's told him that if he ever puts a hand on her child ever again there will be trouble.

And he was inconsolable as a result? Did she raise her voice?

zzzzzzzz12345 Wed 09-Oct-19 14:17:51

It sounds like she’s taken this step because you haven’t. Deal with the violence, whatever form it takes.

TheCanterburyWhales Wed 09-Oct-19 14:18:04

If your son had hit mine twice, I'd tell you the same
She hasn't disciplined him She's asking you to, before she ends the friendship
You need to stop your kid hitting others.

WildBunney Wed 09-Oct-19 14:18:47

She's told him that if he ever puts a hand on her child ever again there will be trouble.
I mean, if you DS hit her DS then what she said doesn't sound like anything awful. Why was he 'inconsolable' from this? It sounds very dramatic.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 09-Oct-19 14:19:11

If you blame her son for your son’s bad behaviour why don’t you end out of school meet ups? Surely it’s best for both of them to be apart unless necessary.

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