Brother/SIL- more CFuckery!

[jacks11]

I don’t think AIBU, more can’t believe their brass neck! I thought they were joking at first, but no!

DB has just lost his job- after 6 month probationary period his performance has not been deemed satisfactory (no idea if fair or not). SIL has gone back to uni- in 2nd year. They were on very tight budget as DB not well paid, so only that plus her student bursary. They have 2 DC (one school age, one toddler). Our parents help out financially by paying for 2 days per week of nursery (DB/SIL pay for remaining days) and also tend to buy school uniform/shoes/winter boots and coat etc. They also pay for sports camp etc during the summer. I tend to buy useful presents at birthday such as clothes/PJ’s/trainers etc plus a fun gift. So whilst not ideal financial situation, they do get help.

Anyway, They visited yesterday- well, I had to drive over an hour to them, pick them up and bring them here, same return journey- they don’t drive. I do it to save DMum having to do it. He announced that they have now decided that I should contribute to their nursery costs since he has lost his job. Oh, and help with SIL travel costs to/from her course placement. And anything ease they may need. Because I can afford it. I think a) it is not my job to pay for his dc to attend nursery/any other costs of running THEIR household; b)to demand it is just completely out of line; c) he is not working then he can look after his DC; d)he can’t possibly know what I can or cannot afford; e)they have not even looked into extra support they could get from uni/bursaries/grants available/benefits.

Gobsmacked. They were most put out even I pretended I thought they were joking and attempted to laugh it off.

I get that they must be worried about money. But still, terrible way to behave. And they should know- because I have been very clear in the past- that I will not lend them money because money I have lent in the past (a significant amount of money to me at the time) has not been repaid. Not a a single penny, despite their promise at the time to do so. They have also borrowed money from our parents, told them they needed more than they did and spent the rest on other things (found out accidentally)- so now they are given specific things (I.e. clothes/ nursery paid directly) as they cannot be trusted.

Honestly- where do they get their ideas from?!

[jacks11]

Sorry- that was longer than expected!

[Clangus00]

They won’t need to use the nursery until your brother gets a new job.
I’d be giving them nothing.

[ThanosSavedMe]

I think you had the perfect reaction. Don’t give them a penny

[blackcat86]

Cfs! Unfortunately your family are not helping by babying then though. Most people with young DC have to really think before changing jobs (although most people dont make probation because they've mocked around IME) or swanning off to uni because they cant take that financial risk. I'm all for families helping each other but your DB and SIL arent helping themselves are entitled beyond belief. I wouldn't be giving them a penny and if that was my DB I would be so disgusted I would be going LC. I hope your parents are backing you up and telling them to sort their lives out.

[justheretostalk]

Honestly- where do they get their ideas from?!

Your parents allowing it. CF are CF because they get away with it.

[Confusedbeetle]

It is not your responsibility to support this family finacially and not your Mums either. He needs a conversation

[Perisoire]

YANBU. I would stop the lifts too.

[Bouffalant]

Why can't DB do the childcare?

[FrenchBoule]

OP, I knew it was you before I even opened the thread.
I remember your previous threads about them.
Your brother and SIL are masters of CF and their lifestyle is facilitated by whole family.
Their sense of entitlement is gobsmacking. They should get off their lazy arses and stop expecting people to fund their lives.
I’m afraid I would howl with laughter in his face presented with such demand.

[HappyParent2000]

I wouldn’t lend anyone money unless it’s life or death.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

[Aderyn19]

That is spectacular cheeky fuckery.
Don't cave - with some people the more you give, the more they demand. And they never see why they are in the wrong. All you can do is not get sucked in. I feel for your parents - keep an eye on things there, in case they are giving more money than they can afford to.

[HavelockVetinari]

Wow, massive CFs! YANBU at all, how rude of them! He needs to get another job immediately. In the meantime they can apply for Universal Credit which should help with housing, council tax etc.

How old is the youngest? He/she will get free hours at nursery at 2 if neither parent works or if they're on a low wage, and all kids get 15 hours free at age 3, rising to 30 hours if both parents work.

[Cherrysoup]

Extremely cheeky! I’d keep laughing it off and if they push, tell them you just can’t afford it. Why should you support him when he can work?

[Stayawayfromitsmouth]

How strange that they think you owe them anything.
My own sister thinks the world owes her a living. Never worked a day in her life and constantly borrowing money off my (foolish) brother.

[Itssosunnyout]

They are being unreasonable.

They really need to check to see what benefits they are entitled to and if he's not working they don't need nursery.

Its disgraceful that they expect this from you. Its completely different you offering.

They are living at everyone else's expense

[TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre]

Your parents already pay too much for them. And all it has done is give them an inflated sense of expectation and entitlement. Whenever they've looked for more, someone has handed it over. Do her family also give handouts?

Is she in uni full time? If he is not working full time in a stable fulltime job then they simply cannot afford for her to be in uni. She needs to defer or try change to a part-time course.

Their children, their household and their expenses are their responsibility. I wouldn't mind helping anyone out in genuine circumstances where they are stuck. But they aren't genuinely stuck. They are living a lifestyle funded by others. As long as money, shoes, books whatever keep being provided for them, they have no reason to look to themselves and change their setup.

[fedup21]

He announced that they have now decided that I should contribute to their nursery costs since he has lost his job. Oh, and help with SIL travel costs to/from her course placement. And anything ease they may need.

Blimey!

They were most put out even I pretended I thought they were joking and attempted to laugh it off.

What did they say when you told them no?

[lazyarse123]

Can I ask percheron how you know about the Duchess of Sussex and her sense of entitlement. I am no royalist but that's just rude. Btw op yanbu.

[kmammamalto]

Stuff like this amazes me!! How did they bring it up?! How strange.
I think he needs to look after his own child, nursery seems an unessesary expense and both of them need to be looking for work. Uni can be deferred or done alongside work. She presumably knew she had/was having the toddler when she started her first year.

[TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre]

Why don't you bring your mum to visit? It would half the journey on you.

You are all guilty of enabling them to be over grown dependent children. You all need to start saying "No".

[KUGA]

YANBU.
Keep your money in your pocket.
If others want to waste money it`s their lookout.

[Durgasarrow]

Holy crap. The nerve! Of course you laughed it off!!!

[DuckWillow]

percher I've reported your nasty spiteful post.
NDFOD

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Does the uni have a nursery/subsidised childcare? A lot of them do.

But I'd have laughed in her face too. Do they really think this is how the world works?

He needs to get himself down to the nearest retail outlet, they'll be hiring for Christmas soon.