NC'd for this.
My DP has an unusual hobby which necessitates trips out into the countryside. He has met a very active fellow-hobbyist - female - and they go out doing this hobby. I didn't mind at first, I was glad he'd found a fellow-enthusiast, but now I'm starting to resent it.
I was out with friends yesterday evening (long-planned) and came home to a note saying he had gone away camping for the night with this friend. I have access to some of his emails because we share an account socially as well as each having our own, and I can see that there's another bloke expected to be with them.
I'm not sure what I feel bad about.
a) that he went off without giving me any pre-warning. (He couldn't text me as he doesn't own a mobile phone.)
b) that he is camping with Another Woman.
c) Actually I like to go walking in the countryside, and have mentioned a couple of times I would like to go camping with him, but tbh whenever we have been walking recently his stupid hobby slows us down and it is soooo boring. OTOH I know he resents not being so able to do his hobby without feeling I am rushing him along.
Actually just realised it is all 3 of the above that I don't like. But AIBU?- because after all I was out last night myself, without him, so can't really complain?
We have one grown-up DC who lives with us, so no worries on the childcare front.
It may be relevant that DP has more free time than I do - I work full-time, he works 3 days a week. I had no plans with him this morning (Saturday) but that is because he is rubbish at making plans, he just wants to see where things take him. Which is another source of annoyance. I have plenty of hobbies too but I do like to plan.
AIBU?
feeling twitchy about DP's "hobby" with female friend
hobbygraft · 17/08/2019 08:23
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Thanks @joystir59 - to answer your questions:
spending time - We eat together most evenings with our adult DC. He thinks I spend too much time online mnetting and other social media but since he picked up this recent hobby he is online a lot too with other fellow-enthusiasts. We garden sortof together (usually working on different things but out at the same time, very companionable). We watch one or two movies a week together on Netflix. We go out for the odd meal and socialise with friends. We both have aged parents and each spend a bit of time going to see them (usually separately because of the travelling time it takes, but sometimes together). He and I share a different hobby which is one evening a week - has stopped for summer but will be starting up again soon.
He also has a sporty hobby which I have no interest in, he does that 2 or 3 times a week but it's only for around an hour and a half and I have no real concerns about that apart from a slight concern that he will overdo it and hurt himself.
Feelings of closeness - well he is a tricky character and so am I, but we have been together for over 20 years and I do feel like I know him inside-out.
Sex life - not as frequent as he would like and we have talked about it. It does feel like making an effort to get in the mood when all I want to do is go to sleep, but once I am there it's good for us both. He knows I am more up for it in the morning once I have had a good night's sleep (not on a working day 
) but he definitely prefers it at night.
I am generally happy with the relationship (bit of give and take) but I am definitely not happy with the camping-with-another-woman. But he will think I am being mean and un-trusting.
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