Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)(277 Posts)
My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?
Goodness I would be well annoyed if my sister did that to me! Of course you should have scorched sole use - I’d challenge her about it.
Go and live off the anecdotes and enjoy the time you didn’t spend with them!
Yanbu I’d be pissed off. And NFW would Igo.
I wouldn’t have expected to be sharing unless told, I think that’s wrong. I do agree that you will probably end up looking after the little ones, it’s instinct isn’t it. Problem is as soon as they see you doing this, it will give them the red light to do what they want. 2k that’s a lot to lose. I’d challenge your sister over this. I think it’s wrong on every level.
I would be furious. You don’t just assign someone roommates when they aren’t expecting any.
Could you book a few days somewhere else while they'll be there?
That is awful. Tell your sister to uninvite them and of she won't then find alternative accommodation during the week that they are coming. Better to spend a bit more and have a good holiday rather than losing 2k.
Could you afford a hotel for that middle week, then you dont completely lose out. But say to dsis that you had assumed youd be alone there so she knows in future you dont appreciate it!
This won’t be a holiday for you at all. If you can’t cancel flights, can you find an airbnb/something else nearby? Hire a car and do a roadtrip? I would be very miffed with my sister, like you should be grateful for the crumbs off her table
They have also booked flights as far as I am aware.
My sister is as 'relaxed' as they are so can't see the issue, I did react when she mentioned it, she thinks they really need the holiday (they do- so do we!)
DH has had a strong reaction and is furious, and thinks we ought to charge my sister rent for the time they have spent at our house (I obviously don't want to go down this path whilst seeing his point- We didn't do a timeshare swap, it's family)
gah, bloody families
Can you share the location? Probably outing, but perhaps some MNetters can help you come up with ideas, sorry I’m assuming a lot here but i feel very pissed off on your behalf!
I would be absolutely fuming!! And if I didn't charge her for my house she certainly wouldn't get it again! I'd book somewhere else and say "It's absolutely not OK to have totally changed our holiday without talking to us. We have booked somewhere else but let's just cancel the arrangements of staying in each others holiday homes, it's definitely not working for us" cheeky bitch
I’d be furious... I don’t want to holiday with other people unless I choose to. I’d definitely tell your sister and I’d tell her owes you the air fare!
I'd still make use of those flight but book another villa.
Is there enough room for you all?
I think that's awful. What's the chance of getting other accommodation for the time they are there?
I 100% think you will end up supervising their dc and fuming if you share.
As possible cancel the arrangement. Why should you babysit her friends. Find alt accom
I think I'd also say something to your sister about how unfair she's been in light of using your holiday let and then not giving you sole use of hers.
I’d be livid. Firstly, I’d arrange alternative accommodation or if that was to expensive I’d cancel. Spending a holiday with that family sounds horrendous. Then I’d tell your sister you’re very disappointed that she’s double booked you, that the previous arrangement of staying at each other’s houses is clearly no longer working and that next time she wants to visit your area she’ll have to make alternative arrangements as your place is no longer available to her. No you can’t back charge her for her previous visits though.
There is enough room for both families. We've yet to stay there, they've used our place (alone and with their PiL/ Sil and family) a few times already for short breaks.
Is there enough room for you all?
How is that relevant? The OP doesn't want to share a house on holiday with people she doesn't know/wouldn't chose to holiday with.
I'd be furious if I were the OP and can well understand her DH's position.
I'd cancel staying at her place and tell her "you can't seriously expect me to spend my holiday with random other family can you?". and book another. Wouldn't charge her for staying at yours but wouldn't really offer it again either. She is nuts. Does she think you hoped to be staying in a hostel???
Fork out for accomodation elsewhere to make your point. And put a freeze on use of your holiday house for a couple of years so she gets the message.
Surely no one is that ‘relaxed’ about double-booking near strangers to live together? That isn’t normal, and I know a fair few hippies!
I would stay elsewhere if possible. And make it clear to your sister that she is never going to use yours again after he cheeky fuckery
Keep the flights and book a different property near the destination airport. They've prob wanted to go same time as you hoping for a baby sitting service !
Agree with others, don't waste the money you've already spent on the flights, but either:
a) Book an alternative villa for the entire trip
b) Turn it into a 'two centre' holiday. My family did a lot of these when I was your children's age, and they worked really well: part of the holiday in the countryside/at the beach, and part in a city. So for example, if your sister's place is in rural Spain, spend the middle week in or near Madrid, Barcelona or Bilbao.
Also agree with others that YANBU, your sister should definitely have done a courtesy check to make sure you'd be happy sharing.
Nope, just book somewhere else. You're effectively being forced into going on holidays with a couple and their kids - who wants to deal with that? If your kids were similar ages and the couple got along it could be fun but they sound like a nightmare. Just book somewhere else nearby that you pay for and then next time your sister wants to use your place tell her it's not available.
Or double book her with a nightmare family
Well it could be a bloody mansion, you know? 8 rooms and 2 kitchens, enough room to have nothing much to do with them.
But nonetheless I'd not want an enforced holiday with anyone.
Next time she arranges to stay at your holiday home, without telling her, also invite at the same time:
- Someone with nits.
- Someone with an annoying cough.
- A cheerful early riser who likes to greet each day with song.
- Someone with a ukelele who is prepared to use it.
I would absolutely hate that. She is being unreasonable, how would she feel if you invited someone to use your holiday home while she is there? It would make me think twice about her use of your home as you’re not swapping on a like-for-like basis.
Look for somewhere else nearby. Otherwise you’ll be subject to this shit every time you want to use her place. Make it clear it was Not On.
There’s no other good alternative- either you’ll be damaging your relationships all round or you’ll ruin your holiday having to arrange time apart from the other family.
Either stay elsewhere whilst they are there. Or lots of days out.
The obvious answer is that, next time your family stay in your place, you invite some obnoxious friends to stay too at the same time. I think then your sister will see the error she has made.
Why on earth would your sister think this is remotely acceptable, of course yanbu to want your holiday to have them there.
Is your sister usually so blatant in her disregard of you and your feelings?
No I wouldn't go and I think your sister was really out of order. Fine, it's her house and she can do what she likes but who on earth just tells two different families they can have use of the house at the same time without checking that you'd actually like to proceed on that basis .
Jeez I don't blame your DH for being furious! She seems to see herself as lady bountiful but didn't stop to think that you'd be spending money on flights and one or both of you likely using annual leave, in order to spend your holiday with a couple who's marriage is on the rocks and their very young children.
Oh and that's exactly what I'd say to her. Some bloody favour!
I'd keep the flights and look for alternative accommodation as a minimum whilst those people are there, if not the whole holiday. All extra £££ but it's going to cost you whichever way you resolve it unfortunately.
Your sister doesn't understand why that would be annoying? I'd spell it out for her in full detail. She's been ridiculously thoughtless! It doesn't take a genius to understand that not everyone would like having someone else tag along on their holiday. The least she could have done was to run the idea by you, before inviting the second couple.
If they've already booked tickets, the best solution is probably to try to be away as much as possible while the others are at the villa. Either find another place to stay, if it's in the budget, or plan on being out most of those days.
No you are not cheeky fuckers! However, it’s a done deal and short notice so the only thing you can do is to book alternative accommodation.
I would not stay in your sisters villa with her friends. It will end badly.
You live and you learn, and this is a hard and expensive lesson.
I'd book different accommodation, no way would I share with them. My sister wouldn't be using my holiday home anywhere in the near future after this!
Amazed at (and just a teeny bit jealous of) the PP who have £2k to throw away, just like that!
YANB a cheeky fucker, that's really not a good holiday by the sounds of it. However I do think you might also have worked it up in your head a bit (the whole make-up sex scenario, for example).
In your shoes I'd spend a few days together, then find somewhere else for the remainder of your trip.
Which is going to leave you feeling the least pissed off? Annoying extra money spent to find new accommodation or holiday spent with bickering couple and their toddlers?
Do whichever you will feel cross about for the shortest amount of time - no point in an angry holiday!
Go. Stay in the villa. Do a few day trips. Keep your bedroom doors locked if at all possible.
If the other children are foisted on you, return them to the parents immediately, stating very clearly that they are not your responsibility - 'Of course you understand that we have our own two rascals to supervise, my dears...'
Do this every single time, firmly and with a little smile. Bang on their bedroom door if necessary.
Play a lot of loud music.
YY to inviting some really obnoxious people to stay at your own holiday home when your sister is there. Brilliant idea. Maybe someone with a 'spirited' little yappy dog.
Oh that is crap, I would be really annoyed with your sister. You don't offer accommodation then decide people can share without asking. DH's aunt once said we could stay at their French house, then she said she would be there for a few days when we arrived, eventually when it turned out she had decided to stay the whole time. We found alternative accommodation the next day which was awkward but luckily DH was on board. Tbh if you can afford it I would find somewhere else to stay.
I'd be livid if someone did this to me.
I'd tell my sister she needs to either cancel the other family, or pay my out of pocket expenses for either cancelled flights or alternative accommodation arrangements. That might make her wake up a bit.
Just tell her ‘ok if you want to do that fine but I will be booking some other friends to stay with you when you’re in my holiday home’! That will put her off.
I would keep your flights but book alternative accommodation in the local area for most of the time that the other family is there. It will be an additional cost but it's better than losing all your money and missing the holiday, or suffering through a shitty stressful holiday with those people.
If you don't want to actually tell your sister that you're pissed off about the situation you could even tell a little white lie and say you're going further afield for a few days to explore, or off on some sort of boat trip, that sort of thing.
Firstly, I wouldn't stay there and I'd write off 2G if I had to because frankly, staying in a villa with lightly parented toddlers would be worse than being at work where work is being the janitor at the abattoir. They're messy, they're noisy, utterly boring unless they're yours, they get up early and there will be at least one near drowning.
Also, because you know these people well, it would be hard to execute mathanxietys suggestion without being "in your face" rude at some point and ending the friendship. No, I cant watch x while you put y for a nap, no I won't babysit while you go for dinner, no you can't come on the day trip with us. They will want to hang out with you as it will avoid them needing to spend time together. That's probably why they're coming. It will be awful.
Tbh I would just say to my dsis - "That doesn't suit us so we now won't be going." Don't bad mouth the friends to her as good chance it'll get back to them.
Is there any chance you can move the flights and have the house a different week?
Id spend the whole holiday being resentful so wouldn't be e able to stand it. Rather than were the flights id definitely try and look for an air bnb or something inexpensive for part of the stay to give you a reprieve. The other couple will ask why so tell them you came for a relax and family time alone. It will feed back to your sister and everyone will get the message. She's not charging you because you didn't charge her but she's more than likely charging friends hence the double booking, not wanting to loose out. Ask her how much theyre paying and say it's jean to do that at ypur expense. She won't change It but might contribute(tell her she should with their rent money after not telling you) towards alternate accommodation.a holiday idls for family time together - alone.
I’d be livid. How rude! You’re going to have an awful time if you continue with this. I’d make perfectly clear my holiday home was no longer available to her and book elsewhere unfortunately.
You're definitely not being cheeky or unreasonable. I would be very upset if our family holiday was ruined like this. I would look for alternative places to stay and tell my sister exactly why - why worry about hurting feelings, she obviously doesn't care about yours.
I'd go, but stay elsewhere the week the friends were visiting. I wouldn't tell your sister in advance. Say you made the decision spontaneously after arriving and seeing a nice hotel/villa when out exploring and that your main motivation was to give the younger family more privacy. Do it sincerely, not in a snide way. If you want to add an extra layer, then throw in DH coming down ill and not wanting to spread it. Everyone wins and no one is offended (outwardly).
If the onus has been put on you to do a handover for keys or whatever, figure out a way to do it and inform the friend before the sister.
1. Book new accom
2. Arrive at sister's
3. After a day or so inform friend of new arrangement
4. Right after, inform sister
5. Enjoy holiday
I'd be furious as that wouldn't be a holiday to me
Your sister’s actions are awful, as are her friends’.
Sounds like you have the funds to pay to stay in alternative accommodation: that’s what I’d do.
Your DH’s idea of retrospective charging for time spent at your holiday home is nasty, and he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on legally.
I would be very annoyed and wouldn’t want to go.
Why didn’t she run it past you first.
I'd be absolutely furious! And I wouldn't go. You'd only have a couple of days there without them. I can't believe your sister can't see the problem I think it's more likely that she wanted to be generous and help her friends, and she actually couldn't give a fuck what you'd think about it.
I'd book alternative accommodation for that week AND tell your sister why beforehand
Ridiculous to spare her feelings when she didn't consider yours
She needs to know she was BVU
Yes, definitely tell your sister you’re angry and disappointed.
If it’s a mutual friend I would tell them too.
Well I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. Completely changes your holiday.
I’m not surprised your DH is furious but you can’t retrospectively charge your sister obviously!
I would let her know how disappointed you are though. And I’d book somewhere else to stay. It won’t be a holiday for you otherwise as you will be on edge the whole time.
Or ask if the friends have booked flights yet. If they haven’t maybe your sister could put them off?
I would book alternative accommodation for the whole holiday tbh and just avoid the whole mess. Use your flights, pick up a hire car at the airport, head off somewhere quiet and beautiful, don't give your sister another thought.
Any issues with keys or whatever are up to her to arrange.
And put any holidays in your house on to a formal footing now.
I'd book somewhere else for the time the other family are there and be clear next time you make arrangements that additional 'guests' will not be tolerated.
Can you talk to her again and say absolutely not? If you wanted to share a holiday, you’d have asked them! It sounds horrific, there’s no way I’d be up for that.
Can you check the terms of your travel insurance? Is it possible that you can claim back the 2K because accommodation is no longer available?
Oh and YANBU your sister is mental. Just trying to offer options for you to salvage your holiday.
I would try and book an alternative villa that uses the same airport.
You have to wonder why your sister would ever do this?
I mean there is relaxed and then there is this. I would not be sharing my holiday house this year with her, and would book elsewhere and tell her why.
You can be sure that holidaying with strangers gaming marriage problems is going to be no picnic and throw in the very young, unsupervised children and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Nightmare. I'd probably look up air Bnb's or villas nearby, and if it turns out to be as bad as you think, move on. However it might be ok, which is why I'd stay out at first. I wouldn't be babysitting their kids.
I'd be really pissed off with her too.
First thing would be to try and prevent this other couple from going. Tell you sister that you aren't prepared to share the house, your flights are booked and you really need a break without a bickering couple and their two small DC sharing your space. It doesn't matter if there is 'room' for you all, that's not the point. Your DSis said you could stay, she should have only allowed others to stay at the same time if she'd checked you were okay with that. I'd be utterly furious if my DSis did this to me.
And if that isn't possible - if your DSis isn't prepared to put this other family off, is your place empty? Can you change your flights? Can you afford to lose the ones you've booked? I think I'd rather lose the cost of the airline tickets than have my holiday ruined.
What an odd thing for your sister to do! No matter how big the house is, you’ll spend all your time round the pool with them, so you’ll end up being on top of each other. Evenings will be with them, cooking with them. It’s a totally different holiday.
Where is the villa? I’d try to book something nearby. I would also tell your sister!!
You could suggest she pays for her friends to stay somewhere else? (Only joking)
I will come and stay at your holiday home with ds... I will take his phone away guaranteed we will only need to be there half an hour to prove the point.
I may be a tad grumpy at being woken up by the wails of annoyance at the phone updating this morning
That is so rude of your sister! Even if they didn't have kids and had the happiest marriage I'd still be absolutely raging that my holiday was being interrupted for a week!
You are definitely not the unreasonable ones here.
To echo others, try to book alternative accommodation so you don't lose your flight money.
Stop the reciprocal holiday house sharing.
There's no way I'd share with this family in these circumstances.
Go but be as care free and feckless as them.
Go out for meals, drink by the pool, refuse to play lifeguard etc.
Come back late/when you want. Cool your own food noisily if you like (you’ll be cooking when their little ones are going down) and generally have a lovely time. Ignore them. Don’t chip in to food shopping/tell them your plans etc.
I book a villa within distance of the airport and not stay at your sisters holiday home.
And if she ask why just tell her that you are going on holiday and not to either marriage counselors or mediators for her friends while they are going marriage problems. Because lets face it that's what will happen, not to mention the atmosphere between them.
Not my idea of a happy holiday.
Go on Homeaway/Airbnb now - you should be able to find a good deal for a last minute booking. Or book a hotel.
Then either invite some random to stay when your sister next takes a week at your house, or just don’t offer it to her again.
First of all I would challenge your sister - tell her what you’ve told us, that you think it will be awkward and that you were looking forward to a family holiday not refereeing a warring couple or babysitting their kids. Tell her you’d never dream of unilaterally inviting another family to join them for a holiday in your holiday home - it’s not really on and especially presenting it as a done deal when you’ve already booked your flights. Then I would get on booking.com or similar and see what last minute deal you can find within striking distance for the week they are there. It might actually be fun - maybe you could overlap a couple of days with them to keep the cost down. And next time she wants to borrow your holiday home I’d be very awkward about it and I certainly wouldn’t be making any plans to use hers again.
Unless it’s a sprawling pile with 4 different wings, your sister is really taking the piss.
I would be looking for alternative accommodation. It doesn’t matter whether it would bother your sister, she should have asked you if it was ok.
You could send a message saying ‘ha ha! You nearly fooled me, a holiday with x & y wouldn’t be a holiday at all! Thanks again for lending us the house, we are really looking forward to some family time. X’
Agree with others. I’d be livid.
What a shitty thing to do.
I’d book alternate accommodation for when they are there and is tell your sister exactly why you are doing it.
I’d also knock the holiday home sharing on the head (Although I’d be tempted to
but never actually do this let her go once more and send the alcoholic breakdown couple there for a holiday on the same dates to see how she likes it)
Hi Sister...Nope ..not having it...me and fred are either using the villa on our own or you are going to have to reemburse us and fast....not sharing it with joe and susan no way ...we would never do this to you so whats it going to be? ...put her on the spot but there would be no way I would go either...its a terrible thing she has done to you ..you and your DH are not being unreasonable at all....
I am furious on your behalf! No way should you still go. Keep the flights and stay somewhere else. The CFery of it all!
That's really off of her. You will have to make a fuss to get her to understand. Make it clear this will be a problem. And yes, no more stays at your place for her.
Well, I'd couldn't share with people I know never mind people I don't know or like.
I'd have to arrange alternative accommodation, tell your sister this is what you're going to do and do it if she doesn't stop the other couple going asap book something new. Good luck.
YANBU that's ridiculous.
I'd still go though having paid for the flights. Nab the best (en-suite) rooms even for the kids and then book a few days in a nearby city or somewhere for a "change of scenery".
Chances are they'll be really relaxed and you'll have a fantastic time with them anyway but it's really not the point.
Don't look after their kids. No way. You can just return the kid to them and say sorry, I can't watch him, I'm reading/snoozing etc.
And as you're the first to arrive they'll be expecting you'll have stocked up! Be sure to get sister to tell them they need to supply their own food and drink
Point her to the thread on here re children and pools without fences...
I wouldn't worry about hurting your DSiss feelings and make up excuses. This is rubbish and inexcusable. How much would it cost to rent another place in the area - if it's out of main season may only be a few hundred and well worth it not to have to stay with other people.
It sounds like OP can afford to pay for alternative accommodation (she owns a holiday home).
I think that's terrible of your sister. The friends have preschool children, they should have chosen one of 51 other weeks of the year.
No way would I share my holiday with them. If there's no other option then I'd book alternative accommodation and seriously reconsider the holiday home sharing arrangements in future.
I'd be furious. All you can really do is book somewhere else and tell her how angry you are that she's put you to so much additional cost when you'd been kind enough to let her stay at your property (which you won't in future).
I'd explain to her that after talking to your DH you're considering booking somewhere else as you hadn't anticipated sharing and really would rather choose who you holiday with. But explain you're grateful for her offer to try and keep things amiable.
No, we won’t take a holiday with them. I’m not going to be anywhere nearby small children and an unfenced pool, before even considering the other aspects. We’d need a holiday to recover. Disappointed you think this is ok, we have never done this to you. We can’t change the flights so we have found other accommodation.
how much would it cost for alternative accommodation for the middle week?
If you go then tell your sister to inform her friends beforehand that neither you or dh will be looking after or watching their kids and that you are sharing accommodation only,no iffs no buts.Cheeky mare.
" Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?"
Possibly, although I think she should have asked you first.
Do the others know that you will be there?
Would it be better to speak to the than your sister?
Is it possible to change your dates? Let’s them stay and then you move in as they go home?
Contact your Dsis, explain that expecting you to share is ridiculous and that you will book alternative accommodation for 3 of the nights and the other family need to do the same.
Why should you have to pay for a week's stay somewhere else, it should be 50/50 with the other family.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.