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AIBU to think this is a little bit dickish?

(120 Posts)
Passmethewineandstraw Thu 18-Apr-19 23:31:13

My DD is 11. She doesn’t have a lot of sleepovers here at home as she has two younger siblings and we don’t have a lot of extra space but seeing as we seem to be entering the sleepover years 😳😭🤣 where her friends have one every weekend we have been trying to make a bit more effort.

She invited a friend over here this afternoon/tonight and she seems lovely, very easy to chat to and we really haven’t seen much of them other than to feed them and the occasional dance move they wanted to show us but they have been getting on great.

We had arranged a trip out for us all tomorrow and had asked DD if she’d like to invite her friend to come along too, friend had been over the moon and DH had explained the logistics of trip to her dad when he had picked her up this afternoon, her mum had also dropped a few things over that she might need (they live quite locally to us) later on.

DD and her DF have been discussing this trip all evening, outfits, picnic ideas, who’s sitting next to each other in the car etc etc, both seems generally quite excited about it my DD especially as this is quite a novelty for her.

DD came back downstairs (looking a little heartbroken) an hour ago to say there was a change of plan and her DF had just had a text from another friend and decided that she was going to go and meet her tomorrow instead! Her dad was going to come and pick her up early on before we left. Her mum also sent me a text confirming the change of plan.

My DH is absolutely fuming at the whole situation and was talking (half heartedly) of putting DD’s DF in a taxi and sending her home, mostly because his little girls looks like she has had the wind kicked out her sails and despite feeling let down has put on a brave face and carried on making her friend feel at home and make the most of her night.

I’m not particularly annoyed at her DF, think kids will be kids and there are always going to be better options that come along in life

However AIBU to think that if my child had committed to do something with a friend which had been organised and both parties were looking forward to it that there’d be absolutely no chance, as a parent, I’d allow them to change their plans at the last minute and let their friend down.

Maybe I’m sounding a little precious and I promise DD is no snowflake, I just think it’s rotten that she has been made to feel second best and just a back up until something better came along.

Bambamber Thu 18-Apr-19 23:33:28

I agree it is a bit of a rotten thing to do. Next time you know not to try and include this girl in future plans and just make the day extra fun for your daughter

Ohyesiam Thu 18-Apr-19 23:37:54

Thats not precious, the friends parents s are being really ill mannered.
We nice an invitation has been accepted you can’t pull out for a better offer.
Your dd sounds lovely, I really feel for her.

Fiveredbricks Thu 18-Apr-19 23:44:55

It might just be that the girl doesnt want to come with you afterall and her Mum gave her an 'out'?

Albamahanna Thu 18-Apr-19 23:44:59

You don't know how the friend has phrased this to her parents to get them to agree to the plan change. She may have implied the plans with your daughter weren't set in stone, or that the friend she's changed plans to see is going through a bad time or anything like that. Kids this age know how to get their own way so it may not be the parents fault.

Chickychoccyegg Thu 18-Apr-19 23:47:21

This is the kind of horrible thing that girls seem to do (similar has happened to my dds) the parents are complete dicks for allowing this instead of reminding her she has plans and thats that, I'd probably say something to the friend about how rude it is to change the plans!
your poor dd x

Passmethewineandstraw Thu 18-Apr-19 23:51:03

I’m not really sure at how that could be the case @Albamahana as both myself and husband spoke to her mum and dad separately, face to face and through text, her mum also dropped some stuff off for her related to trip so it definitely wasn’t up in the air.

Mummymummums Thu 18-Apr-19 23:57:05

Very rude - nothing you can do though as people like that will never see any fault on their part. They just do what they want and change plans to suit them. All you can do is not encourage the friendship as it will inevitably happen again. The DF has no loyalty and obviously learned that from her parents.

mcjx Fri 19-Apr-19 00:02:11

Girls can be horrible in my experience and this is the kind of thing that they do. Her parents shouldn't have let her change plans either, if that was my DD I'd have said no you have already committed to other plans.

ExtraPineappleExtraHam Fri 19-Apr-19 00:05:50

Hugs for your poor DD cake

Singlenotsingle Fri 19-Apr-19 00:12:20

You'll have to try to make the day extra special for DD. What is it? The zoo? Beach? Theme park? Then she can tell df what a lovely day she missed.

Smotheroffive Fri 19-Apr-19 00:24:03

I would ask DD to invite a different friend and make sure they have an absolute whale of a time.

Its definitely a learning about that friend and her parents for future and would definitely be phrasing that to DD in that way. How to learn about friends and those of the fickle variety.

You sound like a lovely family to offer this and accommodate friend for so long in your family plans.

Orangeballon Fri 19-Apr-19 00:39:05

If the friend does not want to go then why would you want to make her just to keep your daughter happy?

CalmdownJanet Fri 19-Apr-19 00:43:45

I'd honestly text back "Seriously? Wow that's rude! Collect her at 9am then", I wouldn't not say it, that's actually a really fucking horrible thing to do, your poor dd

Mummaofmytribe Fri 19-Apr-19 00:44:48

Aww I feel for your dd. Girls can be so mean 💞

64sNewName Fri 19-Apr-19 00:51:20

Oh your poor DD.

Some people are just thoughtless dicks.

EduCated Fri 19-Apr-19 00:56:03

Rude. I did wonder about whether something had upset the friend or she’d just changed her mind and didn’t want to go and parents have given her an out, which I would kind of respect, but there are ways to do that which don’t involve ditching one friend for a better offer from another.

Smotheroffive Fri 19-Apr-19 00:56:50

I would also be of that mind Janet

'You are joking right?'
'Really? Wow!'
Or,
'Just checking, are you being serious, and if so have you considered that you might cause upset here and disrupt our carefully prepped plans, for what, something you seem to have prioritised as being more important than our, already-agreed and set plans?!' screw you <thumbing nose whilst blowing raspberry>

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 19-Apr-19 01:01:10

YANBU, that is very dickish and rude of both the friend and her parents.

I wouldn't let my DS change like that, last minute, especially after all the plans had been made and shared! Rude.

Still, now you know for next time - don't include her in any extras.

RebeccaWrongDaily Fri 19-Apr-19 01:22:59

i wouldn't send any of the above texts, but face to face, next time i saw her i'd say 'dd was really upset last time you cancelled on her'. I'd also not be available for lifts etc for them for a while.

PlasmaRain Fri 19-Apr-19 01:31:34

Your poor DD, I’m hurting for her. Yes it is rude and mean but, tempting though it is, don’t send any snotty messages to the girl’s family, just write them off and don’t invite her again. Friendship groups at that age are so tricky. If you can find another friend to go with you tomorrow I’d do that but just make sure your DD has a brilliant time.

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord Fri 19-Apr-19 01:31:48

Ok, so (most) PPs on here might be right, but my thought was the same as @ Fiveredbricks
It might just be that the girl doesnt want to come with you afterall and her Mum gave her an 'out'?

See, you'll probably never know, and it might be something REALLY trivial. But what about if something about your plans made the kid anxious? Like, she gets car sick. Or you're planning a walk and she's never been on one? Or you're really sporty and she isn't? Or she hates crowds and you're going somewhere busy? Or a church based thing and she's never been inside one? Or a craft-type thing and she's rubbish at drawing?
I mean, it could be one of 10,0000 things. And maybe something completely trivial and in her head.
And yes, it's rude/flaky that she agreed to it and is now bailing. PPs aren't wrong to pick up on this.

But I can imagine my DD at that age being invited to something and saying yes (possibly even meaning it at the time) and then panicking about it. As her mum, if I knew she had said "yes" but was worried/upset I'd EITHER have pushed her to go (if I thought she was being ridiculous) OR I'd have given her the 'out' she needed "Sooooo sorry, forgot we had a pre-existing arrangement. Entirely my fault. Maybe another time?"

Having said that, I feel your pain. Your poor DD. flowers for her.

TheGodmother Fri 19-Apr-19 01:41:56

Bollocks it was an "out"! She's an ungrateful little toad and doesn't deserve to have a friend as wonderful as yours!

Parents, rude as fuck too so I'd try and get your daughter to distance herself from this "friend"!

Definitely invite another friend, if you can at such short notice.

I feel so so sad at your poor dd having to put a happy face on for the rest of the spoilt brat's sleepover.

However as many pps have said girls can be quite mean. sad

TheGodmother Fri 19-Apr-19 01:42:27

As wonderful as your * daughter!

PlasmaRain Fri 19-Apr-19 01:44:20

But the mum giving the out isn’t what happened here is it? No hint of an apology or polite ‘we double-booked’ lie because the kid is a bit nervous or worried. The girl herself made plans with another friend texting this very evening right in front of OP’s dd then told her parents to come get her in the morning. That’s just plain rudeness, no excusing it, she got a better offer and ditched dd.

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