AIBU - deviated septum surgery and time off

[BlingLoving]

Posted in health but got no response so reposting for responses because I'm really not sure if I'm being a complete bitch or not... (I find this colleague quite hard work at the best of times, so am fully aware that I could be biased).

A man I work with is having surgery for a deviated septum in a few weeks. He's said he will be off work for 2 weeks after. In addition, he works 3 days and looks after his 2 young DC two days a week, so his wife has had to take annual leave to look after the DC for his two days (ie four days in total, over two weeks. Plus, obviously, the day he has the surgery itself).

I don't really care about the two weeks off work - I can sort of see how being bruised and beat up will make coming into the office, commuting etc really hard during that time. But I feel for his DW. Will he really be completely unable to look after his DC for two weeks? He also mentioned that they're getting a babysitter to come in one night in the second week as she has a work event and can't pick up kids from nursery or put them to bed....

[TheRealHousewifeofCheshire]

If you're ok with him being off work the I'm not sure why his personal childcare arrangements concern you. So i think you are being unreasonable in this instance

[JohnLapsleyParlabane]

I fail to see how it's any of your business how they organise their childcare. However having had a similar surgery (septo-rhinoplasty) I was barely functional for most of the first week and certainly couldn't have coped with small children easily. Maxillofacial surgery can actually be quite a hard recovery.

[MidsomerBurgers]

I would imagine he is going to be restricted in being able to bend over or in lifting children. The children might be scared by bruising and swelling. He will need an adult with him for the first 24 hours after a general anaesthetic and any pain relief may make him groggy as well.

Plus it is none of your business anyway.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

I agree that it's not really anyone's business. But I also think two young children can be hard work at the best of times let alone when you're recovering from any kind of surgery.

I had surgery a fortnight ago and felt perfectly fine a couple of days later, but was floored on a dog walk 2 days post-op because a dog ran at me and headbutted me in the surgery site and I was on the ground retching in pain. DH had to drive to the next village and come tramping through the fields to find me and pop me back to A&E because my stitches had burst . Imagine if one of his DC accidentally whacked him in the face with a toy/stray hand. Bodies take time to recover, and if it works for them it works for them.

[Gertygypsey]

I had this surgery and it was horrendous! I was still on very potent pain medication in the second week so definitely could not have safely looked after children. YABU.

[BlingLoving]

Of course it's none of my business. But I secretly suspect he's a twat to his DW and am interested in whether I'm being unfair in this instance (and please, let's all be honest that we wonder this kind of stuff about other people all the time).

Either way, obviously, I won't be saying anything to him. And I don't know his DW either except for meeting her once in passing and she seemed perfectly pleasant but who knows? He just always strikes me as a complete whinger.

[AdvancedAvoider]

My dd had nasal surgery and in the first week there was no way she could have looked after children. He'll be putting stuff up his nose quite a bit and a GA can make you feel grotty on top of the pain.

[BlingLoving]

Okay, general view is that this surgery is horrendous (I looked it up but it was all weirdly vague online). I did think that the first few days were obviously going to be childfree because of the risk of a fist or toy in his face. I remember the trauma of stopping DS from jumping on me when I had my c section! 2 weeks felt excessive but sounds like it's not.

[TwoRoundabouts]

I had nasal surgery a few years ago as a day case and a couple of the people were having deviated septum surgery on the same morning as day cases

The advice leaflet I was given covered them as well as me. Anyway it said to stay away from being in public places for 2 weeks. You also have to a avoid risk of trauma to your nose for a longer period.

There were other things on it as well but I only remember those as I had to work from home for two weeks after I recovered from the GA and I was bored shitless as I couldn't go out. I also had to take months of doing sport.

If you are caring for children you are expected to take them out in public places and engage with other people. If they are young children they will hit you on the nose and the first few weeks are the most critical.

[TwoRoundabouts]

They don't tell you in advance in case you object but you may need packing up your nose for a day or more.

[nutellalove]

I was offered this surgery. I have put it off until I have a long gap with nothing important going on at work because my doctor said official guidelines are 2 weeks off work recovery but in actual fact most people are bed/house bound for the 2 weeks and will need to take it easy for 4 weeks minimum. So I don't think he'd be able to look after children during those two weeks. His entire face will be swollen, you aren't allowed to pick up things ... it doesn't sound like a walk in the park to me

[SnowyAlpsandPeaks]

I was offered this surgery for my wonky conk (broken in 4 bloody places!). But put it off due to the recovery time. I’m back on the waiting list, and this time I WILL have it done, and everything else will have to wait until I’m recovered! (Dreaming of that first photo I can look at, that doesn’t make me cring because of my wonk!!). Seriously though, imagine the pressure in the nose that something as simple as bending over creates. It’s horrible when you have a bad cold, and your sinus are full, then he bend over and the pressure that builds up in that area is horrible. Imagine that but you’ve just had surgery..... (I swear I’m not talking myself out of it🤦‍♀️)

[Wifeofapostie]

My DH had this surgery a couple of years ago along with polyp removal. For the first 5 or 6 days he had stitches in his septum and plastic stents inside his nose, the slightest touch was painful while the stents were in situ, things improved in the second week. He returned to work on light duties after 2 weeks off but really could have befitted from a third week at home. If his children are toddlers or even primary school age I'd say it wouldn't be unreasonable to not be able to care god them for 2 weeks.

[ChicCroissant]

I've had work done on my septum and I wouldn't like to look after children. You do need to be careful, YABU OP.

They now have inflatable nose packs which are much less painful to remove than the packing ones - I knew that was going to hurt when the nurses presented me with painkillers and told me to take them prior to removal ....