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To be fuming about this comment

(277 Posts)
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter Thu 21-Mar-19 14:29:36

DH has a few days off work. I am on maternity leave with 10 months old DS. Today we went to a playgroup. There were other babies there of a similar age. Many of them competently crawling. DS has tummy crawled for a while and very recently starting crawling on his knees, not so much today as it's slower than commando style. He is very bright generally and climbs, stands, claps, blows raspberries, waves and says some words.

After the group DH asked if I was worried about how 'behind' DS is. I explained that I didn't think he was behind at all. He then asked if the other babies (who can crawl well) were breastfed. I said yes 2 of them were EBF to 6 months. By this point I was on edge as I could see where he was going with it. He then said maybe DS was slower as not breastfed. And then said that breastfed babies are obviously more advanced.

For medical reasons we had to combination feed. I managed to BF to 12 weeks, i was extremely upset about the whole situation as DH knows.

AIBU to want to punch him?? Don't want to go into details of our relationship and how good or terrible he has been generally. Just want some perspective on this comment as I know I am sensitive about the topic!

user1472151176 Sat 23-Mar-19 08:17:50

Fed is best. Punch away smile

PeapodBurgundy Sat 23-Mar-19 08:20:20

Your 'D'H is an arsehole. I'm sorry BF didn't work for you. I had awful problems getting it established with both of my DC, but I'm far too lazy to bottle feed so I persevered. DS didn't ever crawl, he rolled himself, then went straight to cruising and walking (he seems to take pride on flouting the developmental stages, I don't think he's done a single thing when he's 'supposed' to grin ). DD is 7 months and commando crawling already, and not far off proper crawling. Makes no difference whatsoever. He needs to bugger off. If you want me to hold him while you get a few slugs in let me know.

ellesbellesxxx Sat 23-Mar-19 08:22:41

I have twins, born minutes apart and combo fed until 10 weeks before then being solely ff. one crawled at 7m, walked at 1, the other didn’t crawl until 1 and walk until 19m! The late crawler/Walker however has more words, is saying sentences and singing whole songs whereas the early mover is still exactly where he should
Be with talking but regardless, not as advanced as the other. Which just shows... they are all different!

embo1 Sat 23-Mar-19 17:25:02

Just put him straight. He's worried about your child. Reassure and educate him.

cabbageandbeans Sun 24-Mar-19 07:18:57

I think your husband has is either extremely insensitive or perhaps he is extremely insecure and neurotic about his role is all of this. However, because he hasn’t just fallen from the sky and surprisingly found himself to be a father of a 10 month old, so I wonder if he is intentionally aiming to create this exact reaction from you. Why was he at the group anyway?

I wonder if a stranger had said this to you would it have been different? And I suspect it would have been, because the stranger would have had no idea of the history and you feelings and lived experience of BF your child.

I suspect you husband says a lot of things like this and washes them away with apologies but the damage is done. Look how upset you are, this huge emotional reaction has occurred and he has already achieved the successful plantation of the seed of doubt.

I want to punch him but I would probably leave him.

HariboBrenshnio Sun 24-Mar-19 07:48:34

Such a cruel comment and just doesn't have any basis. Both mine were formula fed from birth, my first walked at 9.5 months and the second at 8.5 months. It was actually a complete disaster as they were just babies on legs with no idea of danger. We will all have antidotes of early/late walkers with both formula and breast fed. I hope you don't believe what he is saying.

I'd want to punch him too but it sounds deeper. He knows saying this would really hurt your feelings so why would he?

Mutinerie Sun 24-Mar-19 16:53:21

About your husband, I am sorry, it is a vulnerable place you are in, and he has not got your back. Must feel terrible. I'd suggest instead of punching, tell him how much that comment hurt you. Let's hope he's stupid instead of mean.
About crawling etc, I don't think there is any evidence that the age a baby starts crawling or walking is any indication of their overall intelligence, or later sports ability. Also if I remember right saying some words at 10 months is early? I know how easy it is for parents to get hung up on this stuff, but it really doesn't matter babies hit the milestones in their own rhythm. Babyhood is so magical and goes by so fast, try to just focus on that.

user1496701154 Sun 24-Mar-19 16:55:49

Punch him bloddy hell bf is not everything. My son was forumla fed and is developing fine. All babes development is different and thdt meet their milestone at different times

Shookethtothecore Sun 24-Mar-19 16:59:14

My eldest is 7. I promise you I cannot tell out of his whole class who is breastfed or bottle fed. IMO it makes no difference at all

RoyalChocolat Sun 24-Mar-19 17:08:08

YANBU, and I definitely belong to the breast is best brigade.
DS was EBF and was nearly 17 months old when he walked!

Pashal2 Mon 25-Mar-19 05:38:46

Tell him HE can breast feed the child since he is so concerned about it. Otherwise STFU.

CarolDanvers Mon 25-Mar-19 05:59:58

My children’s Dad used to make comments like this. Only both my children were EBF, DS to six months, DD to 14 months. What he used to complain about was how restless they both were compared to his sisters children - who were FF. How well behaved his sisters children were compared to ours, how he wasn’t sure if EBF was the ideal when considering how energetic our children were and how they refused to sit still at meal times and always wanted to be on the move. He thought if he ever had another child he’d probably want them FF as FF are more content as they’re fuller.

I realise now he’s a complete idiot and am thankful every day he’s my ex but at the time I was just gutted. I remember saying to him after about the fifth time he said it “stop slagging your own kids off, stop comparing your children unfavourably to your sister’s children, do it to other people if you like but STFU to me because I don’t want to hear it”. As a PP asked, I would be interested to know if your DH has form for highly critical questions and comments?

flumpybear Mon 25-Mar-19 06:11:59

Not RTFT but he's being an idiot

Both mine were ebf for a short time before being combi fed, stopped any BF with first by 3.5 months and second by 2 months

DD crawled at exactly 5 months two weeks - proper crawling too. She was walking by 10.5 months

DS (2nd baby ) crawling by 5 months 3 weeks and walked just before 12 months

NewMoma Wed 07-Aug-19 15:19:09

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nanny0gg Wed 07-Aug-19 15:22:16

ZOMBIE!!

Bluntness100 Wed 07-Aug-19 15:24:40

Well he might be a dick op but he's also an ignorant and uneducated one. How did he ever come to the conclusion that breast fed babies are more advanced and formula fed lag behind . I've heard some bullshit theories on the super hero effects benefits of Breast feeding but this one must take the prize.

HaileySherman Wed 07-Aug-19 15:38:23

Based on just what you've said, he sounds like an insensitive twat. I especially HATE when men make comments on such things, so as to find something that can be 100% blamed on you. Just my opinion.

Chunkers Wed 07-Aug-19 15:39:48

That was low, deliberate and uncalled for. Maybe the baby should be giving him crawling lessons.

Tighnabruaich Wed 07-Aug-19 15:44:31

I never had so much as a sniff of a breast, bottle fed from Day One. Walked at 9 months (boast, boast).

longwayoff Wed 07-Aug-19 15:45:44

Husband is a tit.

higgyhog Wed 07-Aug-19 15:55:31

My superbright Oxford Graduate son was bottle fed, late to walk and very late to talk. I'm not saying this to brag but really all this is total nonsense.

ddl1 Wed 07-Aug-19 15:55:34

Your baby doesn't sound 'behind' at ALL. Not all babies even crawl at all.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Wed 07-Aug-19 15:56:28

Oh OP time to get wicked.. and even! ..Darling I have been thinking about what you said and maybe you are right...I noticed a while ago you seemed a bit slower than your brother/sister! Praying to god he has siblings!! That should shut him up!

RainbowAlicorn Wed 07-Aug-19 16:00:54

My DD was BF until 6 weeks, as I dried up, then FF, she crawled at 6 months and started walking 2 weeks before her 1st birthday.
My DS was BF for 2 weeks, then I had to stop as he kept coming out in hives, he crawled at 6 months and started walking the day before his 1st birthday.
My nephew was EBF until weaning and was still BF even then, don't know about crawling but didn't walk until he was 18months.
Every baby is different and some babies don't ever crawl.

StealthPolarBear Wed 07-Aug-19 16:02:50

Lol what an idiot he is

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