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To be a sahm if we aren't married?

(259 Posts)
MammaMia19 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:13:20

I wouldn't. Slightly different because I am married but I have two kids 6 and 1. We broke up when youngest was 11mo and I've never been more grateful to have a job! Having a job takes some of the the pressure off if you break up, especially as you don't have that financial security of a marriage.

M0reGinPlease Thu 14-Mar-19 17:11:12

Just go to a registry office and do it.

TeddyIsaHe Thu 14-Mar-19 17:10:09

Have you got enough savings so that if the worst was to happen (death, illness, cheating, leaving etc) you could ensure you and your children were financially secure for 3-6 months? Could you afford a house deposit? Rent or mortgage on your own?

The having no legal protection should you split and what that could mean for your kids would be anough to stop me being a SAHM without being married. Not wanting to get married because you’re pregnant is the silliest thing you could think. It’s the exact reason you should be married!

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:10:00

Nope, I love him @Happyspud. We're planning on getting married next year. Just don't want to get married at a register office to just do it.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Thu 14-Mar-19 17:08:03

I was a sahm before marriage. I trust my partner and we're happy together so it wasn't an issue for us.

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:06:50

I think the house is ok because it's in both names. He has life insurance etc and it's left to me.
I don't want to just get married @Stuckforthefourthtime. I know that's a bit silly considering, but I can't bring myself to give up on the wedding I want and I don't want to do it because I got pregnant.

I'll look into pension/NI contributions.

Happyspud Thu 14-Mar-19 17:05:39

It’s not unreasonable but it is supremely foolish.

You don’t want to get married because you’re pregnant....I can’t think of a single better reason. Are you saying that you’re pregnant but you actually don’t love each other?

Stuckforthefourthtime Thu 14-Mar-19 16:58:05

Without marriage, if anything went wrong with your marriage you would have no right to any assets. If he died, even if you had (for example) the house in his name, you still don't have the same rights as a wife. That's a big deal when you are essentially tanking your earning capacity for his.

I think having one parent at-home can work really well, but only if you both have guarantees. Why not even have a quick and private registry office wedding, you don't need to make it public and can always have the party later? Also check if he can make pension/NI contributions while you are off (I'm not up on that one, am sure other more knowledgeable posters will come.along!)

NotReadyForThisX2 Thu 14-Mar-19 16:50:44

More would I be really I suppose and I think I would be but Dp thinks otherwise.

Unexpectedly pregnant with a seconds Dc, Ds is only five months. We've vaguely discussed a few options but Dp keeps coming back to me staying home until they both or at least Ds start school.
We could afford it and it could in fact be the cheaper option compared to childcare X2 and getting a cleaner in or outsourcing ironing or something to ease the pressure.

I'm actually loving being home with Ds a lot more than I thought I would and Dp does pull his weight, he's not suggesting it to get out of any cleaning/childcare etc.

But we aren't married and I don't want to get married now I'm pregnant or because I'm pregnant. We are planning on doing so though and Dp would do it as soon as possible if I wanted.

I don't need to decide anything just yet, but I'm still on maternity leave and if I'm wanting to go back after the second one. I'm thinking it will be better to go back from this leave earlier and I'll need to tell work as soon as possible.

My career's not one that's particularly hard to get back on track, but I do enjoy it and wasn't planning on staying home. But I want to stay off for the year with Ds and the thought of juggling work with two under two is quite daunting.
The easy solution seems to be stay home for the next few years.
I'd be stupid to give up work without the protection of marriage though, wouldn't I? Or maybe stupid to even with marriage, I don't know!

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