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In a deep shit - starting new job on Monday and positive pregnancy test!

(118 Posts)
oreoxoreo Sat 02-Mar-19 10:09:18

Resigned from my 10+ years job just yesterday and starting an awesome new job in civil service on Monday. Don't know what prompted me to do pregnancy test today, it's 30th day of the cycle, it came out as very clear positive!!

I am 40 with 2 DC divorcing my exH and in nearly 3 years relationship with my boyfriend who has his own DC. Having children together were never in the picture, well I don't say no to it but we are definitely not there yet if will ever be. In fact I had termination very early in relationship, he was supportive. That time I could work out later exactly when the accident happened.

This cycle has been awkward. I went to urgent care centre in mid-cycle with abdominal right side pain, they did pregnancy test too (negative), I asked for referral for abdominal scan and the pain has subsided in the meantime. I can't even remember having sex mid-cycle due to this. I am not on pill but we've been careful.

In one word I feel so shit. I am now worried about my new job. I need to book termination. Let's say even if we considered having a baby, my probation is 9 months!! So I would make myself too vulnerable. We don't even live together. I doubting if I should tell him even. Of course it's both fault somewhere but I feel my share of guilt. How do I even go about taking a day off for termination from work that I haven't even started yet!!!

Not really AIBU, just please tell me there is a way to get it resolved.

Intohellbutstayingstrong Sat 02-Mar-19 10:13:56

Could you tell them this is a pre-booked medical procedure without telling them the nature of it

AnotherEmma Sat 02-Mar-19 10:15:18

Um you are going to get a roasting in AIBU! Why not post in Pregnancy Choices?

It sounds to me as if you are leaning towards a termination and if you don't want to have a baby now then that's absolutely the right choice for you. I am pro-choice whatever the reason even if you're already had a termination and you haven't been using reliable contraception... however there will no doubt be people who criticise you for both. And there will be people who say things like "keep the baby, it's meant to be", yadda yadda.

Of course if you do want to continue the pregnancy you can make it work. It doesn't sound as if you want to though?

IncrediblySadToo Sat 02-Mar-19 10:19:14

You need to tell him. There’s no reason not to and lots of reasons to.

If you think you can handle another termination and if it’s what you honestly want then get the process started. Book it for a Friday, call in sick and hope you’re ok to go in on the Monday, if not you’ll just have to call in sick until you’re well enough to go back in.

The only other option is to be honest with your manager and take some unpaid leave.

But you’re an adult, you know this, so do you really think posting about your situation that your real question was about how to organise it? I think not, but I’m not sure what you really want to talk about? Your decision? Your partner? Or do you want to be told that of course it’s possible to have it this time? 💐

Whatever you decide this time, you NEED to sort your contraception out, you can’t keep putting yourself through this.

RB68 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:21:41

With the pain - get the scan upped in urgency - there is a chance it could be ectopic etc. And I would go with emergency medical procedure = life happens

M3lon Sat 02-Mar-19 10:23:40

Given the story as presented and the abdominal pain, I'd be worried it was a false positive and there's actually something else wrong. Might be worth mentioning to GP....

IncrediblySadToo Sat 02-Mar-19 10:23:49

Obviously when I said you need to be honest with your manager, I meant honest in that you had a surgery booking, not that you had to say what for!

Just reassure them it’s a one off procedure and it shouldn’t need too much recovery time. Also that you weren’t expecting it, but you need to to take the opportunity you’ve been offered.

eightoclock Sat 02-Mar-19 10:23:54

Work are not allowed to discriminate due to pregnancy. So it won't make any difference to your probation. Especially in civil service they would be very aware of the law on this.
If you have a termination you can take time off sick - no need to explain why.
I guess you need to work out whether you definitely want a termination. You should tell your partner asap - he is involved and you need his support. You need to sort some better contraception after this though!

mummymeister Sat 02-Mar-19 10:25:50

Agree that if you have had pain then you need to make sure its not ectopic because that can become very serious very quickly.

Personally I would talk to your OH because making this sort of decision is always easier if you have someone to confide in and discuss pros and cons.

as for work, if you do decide to go ahead with the termination then all they need to know is that it is a planned medical procedure, how long you will be off etc. The reason is relevant to them.

NannyRed Sat 02-Mar-19 10:26:04

The civil service are usually really good with time off for hospital. Just tell them you have a hospital appointment for minor surgery. Good luck in both your new job and with the procedure.

[fliwers]

singwhenyoureswimming Sat 02-Mar-19 10:27:01

I work in civil service and have had a miscarriage so needed time off... like a PP said you’ll be entitled to time off BUT if you don’t want people to know the nature of why you’re off then take holidays.

MarieIVanArkleStinks Sat 02-Mar-19 10:27:30

You didn't know you were pregnant when you accepted the job offer. You are protected by law. Employers are not allowed to discriminate against pregnant staff.

Your comment about the pain is concerning, and I second the advice of a PP to investigate for the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy.

mummymeister Sat 02-Mar-19 10:28:11

sorry irrelevant not relevant.

Whereareyouspot Sat 02-Mar-19 10:28:55

Hi would have a termination for the sake of my other children and all the other stuff

Ring BPAS and ask for an evening appointment (assuming you have childcare)

Whisky2014 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:29:28

Actually you're protected when pregnant so your probable safer than ever in this 9 month probation period.

I started a new job a month ago and told them I was 12 week pregnant one week after I started. My manager was lovely about it.

CoolJule43 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:30:36

Really, just really?

Resigned from a job of 10 years just yesterday and starting new job with civil Service on Monday - so what was your notice period?

If this is true and you definitely want a termination then just organise it asap and tell your new boss that you have been really remiss and forgotten you had a planned appointment for which you need time off.

If you want to keep the baby then your job will be protected under law (watch last weeks's 'Holby City').

Do you need to tell your bf? You don't have to but I think you should discuss it with him if you intend to have a proper relationship going forward. i.e. an honest one based on mutual trust and respect.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine Sat 02-Mar-19 10:32:11

Get on to your GP urgently and ask for a scan at your nearest early pregnancy unit. If you've got a positive test result and abdominal pain they should be able to get you in in a few days at most. It could be ectopic. Don't risk your health for the sake of appearances at work.

You say your partner was supportive of a previous termination. I think not telling him about what's going on now doesn't bode well for the health of your relationship. If you stay with him long term it could play on your mind a lot having to feel like you're keeping a secret.

oreoxoreo Sat 02-Mar-19 10:32:41

This is not about pregnancy choice. This job is everything I dreamt about. I can't allow to undermine it for any circumstances. I am so worried of taking time off so soon.

I am also worried telling my boyfriend although expect him to be supportive.

I can't go on the pill for certain reasons.. a false positive would be great... but I think it is real positive.

We were going to revisit the idea having a child in a couple of years time.we both 50/50 on this. But now, it does not matter. I just need to save my job.

AnotherEmma Sat 02-Mar-19 10:35:25

Sorry for misunderstanding, I just didn't understand why you would start a thread if it's clearly a no brained. You want a termination, so get one. You are not going to lose your job because of taking time off for a termination 🙄

AnotherEmma Sat 02-Mar-19 10:36:12

*no brainer

Oh and the pill is not the only contraception option!

siestakey Sat 02-Mar-19 10:36:16

@oreoxoreo so have an abortion then? Sounds like that's what you're going to do.

I can't understand how you can get to 40, 2 kids and still not understand that you need to use a form of consistent contraceptives.

Be aware you might not be able to get pregnant in a few years so this could be your last chance.

slipperywhensparticus Sat 02-Mar-19 10:37:23

your job will be fine its civil service your better protected than in any other job

AnotherEmma Sat 02-Mar-19 10:38:45

"I can't understand how you can get to 40, 2 kids and still not understand that you need to use a form of consistent contraceptives."

But still get a civil service job grin

oreoxoreo Sat 02-Mar-19 10:39:02

Those who saying it could be false positive.. The GP who referred me to ultrasound 2 weeks ago (still haven't got the letter for it) suspects ovarian cyst,anyway I still feel my side but the pain has subsided (just a dull feeling). I don't suppose ovarian cysts would show a false positive?
Also can't work out timings, pregnancy test was negative 2 weeks into cycle and now 4 weeks +2days into cycle is clear positive.

Probably still need to tell boyfriend. Why am I so terrified of telling him.

Seline Sat 02-Mar-19 10:39:58

They can't sack you on your probation because you have a baby. I had a similar circumstance and all they did was extend my probation so I had to complete it after I'd given birth.

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