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To think children do not always come first?

(247 Posts)
clairemcnam Fri 22-Feb-19 12:21:00

Adults matter too. And their needs and wants also matter.

GoFiguire Fri 22-Feb-19 12:21:57

That’s a beautiful story.

HarperIsBazaar Fri 22-Feb-19 12:22:45

Do you have children?

meow1989 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:23:29

Adults do matter, but not as much as children.

stevie69 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:23:58

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Everybody matters. Who should come first is governed by ongoing priorities and obligations.

ILiveInSalemsLot Fri 22-Feb-19 12:24:07

Of course they do.
What made you think their needs and wants didn’t matter?

Greensleeves Fri 22-Feb-19 12:24:22

Not enough information.

If you're talking about who chooses a takeaway, then of course everyone takes a turn and all opinions must be heard. That goes for most family decisions - everyone should count.

There are situations in which someone has to come first, ultimately, though - whether or not to move the family abroad, for example, or leaving a miserable job vs leaving a school where children are settled and close to exams - in those situations, where it's an adult's welfare directly in conflict with a child's, then I think children should absolutely come first.

Sirzy Fri 22-Feb-19 12:24:33

I am sure sometimes there are specific circumstances when the adults need to come first but in general children should come first

stevie69 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:24:41

Adults do matter, but not as much as children

Have to disagree with that.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 12:24:57

Depends, unless the principle care givers needs are met, it is unlikely he/she will be able to continue to give the care the children require. Serves no purpose if the adult has a break down.

babysharkah Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:40

are you a step parent by any chance?

stevie69 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:56

but in general children should come first

Have to disagree with that too.

DorothyBastard Fri 22-Feb-19 12:26:04

Adult wants never trump children’s needs. But the opposite is also true, and children’s wants don’t trump adult needs. But in my eyes, children’s needs do trump adult needs.

Newadventure Fri 22-Feb-19 12:26:22

I know what I want to say but can't articulate it properly so I'm just gonna stay here until someone comes along and says what I'm thinking. Then I can tag and say agreed.
Happens every time.

Carry on.

wellhonestly Fri 22-Feb-19 12:26:53

In my experience, occasionally a whole family's needs have to be prioritised over one individual child. But not adults over children. Of course adults "matter", but children come first.

stevie69 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:28:19

Interesting. I can see that I'm in the minority here blush

Greensleeves Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:10

Can you articulate your view a bit more stevie? I'm interested grin

Slowknitter Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:16

Of course adults matter as much as children. But obviously that doesn't mean that you should treat them exactly the same, because children have different needs and abilities to adults.

Meralia Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:51

The needs of the child in the family should always come first. It’s different if you mean wants.

Of course adults matter, but children’s welfare should be prioritised.

There’s been loads of things I haven’t wanted to do, but I have because it was best for my children’s needs.

merrybloomizoothief Fri 22-Feb-19 12:30:05

so if there is only enough money for one person in the house to be fed then the child gets fed.
if the parent has a new girlfriend/boyfriend and wants to spend all their time shagging then the child comes first.
if the child has reading homework and the parent wants to play on their phone, the child comes first.

if the parent is ill and the child wants to go to the park, the parent comes first.
etc etc etc

clairemcnam Fri 22-Feb-19 12:30:12

I am not talking about an adults wants to go out drinking coming before a child's needs to be supervised. That is obviously wrong.

Greensleeves Fri 22-Feb-19 12:30:49

Well, what sort of scenario are you talking about claire?

Newadventure Fri 22-Feb-19 12:31:04

They you go. I'm with stevie and greensleeves

Newadventure Fri 22-Feb-19 12:31:57

there 🙄

stevie69 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:31:59

an you articulate your view a bit more stevie? I'm interested

Well, the majority view appears to be that, in the event of a conflict of interest, a child's needs should come above those of an adult. My view is that it should be the other way round.

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