To only invite one to the party?

[ifiwerearichman]

So basically I have 2 little ones, age 2 and nearly 5.
They have 2 cousins who are 5 and nearly 8.
We’ve always invited cousins to our children’s birthday parties and our children have always been invited to their birthday parties.
This is until last year when eldest cousin had a cupcake decorating party for her 7th birthday and we just didn’t get an invite. Apparently she only invited 4 school friends and her 5 year old sister, fine. I’m assuming that mine were 2 young or numbers were limited, not a problem.
So for my daughters 5th birthday I’ve found a soft play that you can hire privately for a 2 hour session. I wanted to invite around 20 kids. The only problem is that it’s for under 7s only and cousin will be 8.
Husband is saying I should lie and get her in for a 6 year old, I’m saying that circumstances change, we weren’t invited to her party last year due to ages and a limit on numbers, so they should understand that I am only inviting one cousin and not the other (they are sisters)
They aren’t going to be invited to each other’s parties forever as they are different ages and often numbers are very limited.
Am I being a cow?
I think it makes it worse that I’m inviting one not the other.
It’s going to cause world war 3, but I genuinely think it’s just one of those things that change as kids get older.

[woolduvet]

I think I'd let your 5yr old hand over the invitation with all the honesty they have at that age. "Sorry you can't come you're too old..." we'll send you cake, obviously if your two got cake...

[ifiwerearichman]

My 2 got nothing when it was older cousins party.
They didn’t even mention she was having a party until I saw it on Facebook.
Hence I don’t really feel that bad not lying to get big cousin into soft play.

[Leeds2]

I would invite both girls, but tell the parents that it is for Under 7's only and their eldest may prefer not to come. Or may indeed be turned away by staff.
I wouldn't invite either of them in the future if it didn't suit your plans to do so, or it was age inappropriate etc but this time, I would do so.

[FrankieHeckisinTheMiddle]

I wouldn’t worry about it, I used to bend over backwards to invite cousins/nieces and nephews to my dc parties but they rarely bothered to invite us back and I just got wise and invited who dc wanted rather than who I thought ‘should’ be.

[BendingSpoons]

I would give the invite to the parents and say it is for under 7's. We would love 5yo to join us but understand if you prefer not to send either. It's not weird to only invite certain ages though.

[ifiwerearichman]

I just feel begrudged that my daughter wasn’t invited to cake decorating for being too young (despite being the same age as birthday girls sister at the time) and she was really upset when she heard cousins discussing it
We didn’t even get a courtesy text saying “Sophie is having a cupcake decorating party, but Ellie is a bit young, sorry” etc.
Just had everything hidden from us.
So I feel like why should I invite a child who is too old to use the soft play facilities and lie to get her in.
It’s always me bending over backwards to accommodate when they couldn’t give a shit about harbouring good relationships with us. I know it’s not my Nieces fault, but if you’re too old then you’re too old.
My child and her 5 year old friends would love soft play.

[Drum2018]

If the playcentre states its for under 7's then issue solved. I wouldn't invite the older cousin and just make out that she would no doubt hate hanging out with a group of 5 year olds. Don't be swayed by offers of her going to help out either. You'll still be responsible for her too. Start as you mean to go on now. Ds had a joint party with a couple of friends and one brought older cousins. It was a class party and they just didn't fit in.

[FrankieHeckisinTheMiddle]

There’s no point in asking them if you’re going to resent them a bit for coming and you’ll be livid if your dc get overlooked again.

They’ve made the first move towards not asking your dc, you needn’t feel bad about doing the same.

[ifiwerearichman]

I don’t want to even give her the option of coming along to help out, as I have to pay £14 a head for soft play and food and no doubt I’ll still end up paying the £14 as cousin will want to eat even if she hasn’t played.
I just want to give one invite with 5 year olds name on and say “sorry Sophie is too old. It’s under 7s only”
Only problem is that parties are big things in our family. Grandparents and aunties and uncles and everyone turn up, just to sit there and watch the kids on soft play 🤷‍♀️ So big cousin would have to stay home with either mum or dad which they’d moan about.

[Gizlotsmum]

I wouldn’t invite one cousin and not the other ( it’s not the cousins fault) but I wouldn’t invite either of them. It seems meaner to invite only one

[ifiwerearichman]

This is my thinking... do I invite just one (who my daughter is closer with as there’s only a few months between them), or do I just invite neither.

[Purpleartichoke]

We now have a separate family party. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Sometimes it is an activity, sometimes it’s just a simple family meal.

The last time we had cousins at the friend party was actually a soft play place. Both cousins are very small for their age so we didn’t feel too bad sneaking them in, but it only bought us one year. The combined parties still had to end eventually.

[Romanmonkey]

Just don’t invite either cousin and do a family tea party instead. Then the soft play can be kept to friends.

[ifiwerearichman]

I just bet I’m going to get nagged and grandparents will probably offer to pay the £14 so big cousin can watch softplay but then still have party food so she’s not left out.
But no one offered to pay money so my daughter could decorate cakes and no-one cared that she wasn’t invited.
It’s always me having to change plans to accommodate them.

[Surfingtheweb]

I would call or text the parents or if it's family on your husbands side get him to call or text his brother or sister... Either way explain the situation of it being for under 7s & see what they think, are the ok with risking 8 YO being turned away? Or would they be ok for 8yo to attend but be paid for separately & probably not be part of the food, food could always be brought separately. Or I would call & ask the venue & ask if they would be able to make an exception as a young cousin is 8.
I wouldn't invite 1 child cousin & leave the other out, particularly not when they are sisters, there are too many alternative options & it looks like you are being petty because you are peeved about the cup cake party.

[CalamityJane10]

I wouldn’t ask either cousin. Otherwise it creates a division between the siblings.

Just don’t mention it; if specifically asked say that X was too old and we didn’t think it fair to ask one and not the other.

[ifiwerearichman]

My husband just hates the thought of people thinking badly of him. Especially his family.
If it was my family I’d just say “sorry they’re too old, we will do a play date some time”
But husband thinks of any possible way to not rock the boat.
Maybe I’ll just deal with his family direct and ask sister in law whether she wants just 1 invited or neither.
They’re the 2 options!

[Houseonahill]

It sounds like you are just doing it out of spite rather than concern for the rules "you said my kid was too young so I'm saying yours is too old ner ner n ner ner" either invite them both or invite neither and explain why if asked there's doesn't need to be so much drama.

[Stompythedinosaur]

I think not inviting cousins to a party where there are only 4 guests is different to not inviting them to a big party. I think you are being a bit unreasonable resenting not being invited to the older one's party tbh, that is the age parties start to change. I imagine she wanted to do an activity aimed at kids her own age with her little gang, and having a 5 and 2 yo cousins there would have changed it too much.

Personally I would probably lie about her age for the sake of a year and invite both cousins to yours, but you wouldn't be reasonable to let the parents know there's an age limit and ask if the youngest cousin like to come.

[ifiwerearichman]

It’s not tit for tat, but it’s like we don’t get invited to a party, it’s never mentioned and we find out on facebook, yet when the boot is on the other foot husband panics and wants me to lie about her age, and change party venue to one that accepts older kids.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable just saying “I’m really sorry but she’s too old to attend this party” and leaving it at that.

[jigglepiggle]

Remember it’s not the children’s fault that your kids didn’t get an invite to the party - you’re punishing them because you’re pissed off about that. Either lie about her age or be honest with the parents about the age limit.

[ifiwerearichman]

When mine are 10 and older cousin is 13 then surely I’m not going to be expected to invite her to build a bear parties as a teenager?!
I just think sometimes you’ve got to accept it, like we did last year.
My 4 year old was upset, but we explained that there wasn’t enough room for everyone to go to the party. I’m sure an 8 year old will understand this more?

[QwertyLou]

I would just keep it as a school friends party and not invite either cousin. Not as a punitive thing at all - just logistics

Why would it cause WW3 (genuine question, no snark)?

Will you also be having a smaller celebration just for family (like dinner at your place with cake) and both cousins would come to that?

[FrankieHeckisinTheMiddle]

Sounds like your dh needs to grow a spine.

[Dahlietta]

I wouldn't invite one cousin. They could have invited your elder to elder cousin's birthday, but they didn't, possibly because they couldn't invite the little one. I would invite neither - could you have a cousins do some other time, go out for a meal or something together? I don't think you need to, but it might make your DH feel better!