To be angry with childminder

[CleverQuacks]

This is my first AIBU so please be gentle.

My son is three and has development delay and currently being assessed for autism. He was potty trained in October but still has the occasional accident. He goes to a childminder during the week whilst I am at work.

Today I arrived to collect him and the childminder opened the door looking very annoyed. She informed me that my son was “having a meltdown”. She stated that she had asked him three times if he needed a wee and he hadn’t responded (he often doesn’t respond when spoken to) he had them wet himself.

She stated that because he had ignored her she was now insisting that he change his own wet clothes. He cannot dress or undress himself. Can’t even take his own shoes off.

I went in the room and my son was sat on the floor in soaking wet clothes completely distraught. I helped him get changed into dry clothes and took him home.

In the car my older son, who also goes to the childminder said that the childminder had “shouted really loud” at my son when he had the accident.

I am really not happy. She knows my sons needs and challenges but still chose to punish him with an impossible task because he had an accident. I am considering finding a new childminder / nursery but don’t no if that’s an overreaction.

[Justmuddlingalong]

Move him and your older son.Treating a 3 year old like that is not on.

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

I don't think its an overreaction. More so for the punishment...
Poor kid

[BirthdayKake]

That's bad. Poor boy :(

My DD was toilet trained perfectly until I went away for a week in September. Now she has accidents. The childminder is fine about it though! DD actually wet herself when DH was five minutes away from picking her up but the childminder made sure she was all clean and dry

[Greenglassteacup]

The childminder sounds like a nasty bitch

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

That’s actually pretty awful. There’s no way my children would be going back to that childminder.

[TheVanguardSix]

Oh I’d remove both kids from her care! My youngest is ASD, so I feel your plight! That being said, loads of kids your son’s age NOT on the spectrum have similar accidents. The thing with ASD is that kids on the spectrum get stressed very easily. Calm and patience really goes a long way. Shouting doesn’t work with anyone but especially with kids on the spectrum.

Consider nursery! DS thrives in nursery and had an amazing key worker who was also the senco lead. Look around at nurseries with a good senco in place. Your DS will thrive under the right guidance.

[MsFrosty]

I would start looking for alternative care
That is outrageous and is lodge a complaint with Ofsted

[HopeGarden]

Poor kid

I’d definitely be looking for new childcare.

[GertrudeCB]

Christ Almighty I'd never take him back there

[Saharafordessert]

A 3 year old shouldn’t be treated like that and a 3 year old with additional needs certainly shouldn’t be treated like that.
Remove both children with immediate effect OP, my heart breaks for your little boy sat there distressed in wet clothes.

[CrackersDontMatter]

A 3 year old shouldn’t be treated like that and a 3 year old with additional needs certainly shouldn’t be treated like that.
Remove both children with immediate effect OP, my heart breaks for your little boy sat there distressed in wet clothes.

Absolutely this.

[firawla]

Another vote for move them both. Maybe a nursery setting would be better for him, as if there was another staff there she probably wouldn’t have got away with doing this! Poor boy, she’s out of order

[sproutsinmystocking]

You're not being unreasonable at all. I'd move your child out of the setting. That's appalling

[sirmione16]

YANBU patience is key with any child - especially one with needs and especially as a professional (rather than family) !! I would say your childminder is not fit for her job if she can't even handle a situation of a child wetting themselves appropriately!! I'd be moving my child immediately

[EwItsAHooman]

Move him and send her a written complaint, it's an Ofsted requirement that she has to keep a record of any formal complaints made and how they were resolved and inspectors will ask to see this when they next visit.

You can also make a complaint to Ofsted if you so choose, she treated your disabled child appallingly. Be sure to include the words "safeguarding failure" and that she has acted in a way that directly discriminates against him due to his additional needs.

[BifsWif]

She left your 3 year old in wet clothes because he had an accident and shouted at him really loudly? Needlessly humiliating and upsetting for any child, never mind a child with additional needs.

I would take both kids out and inform ofstead. Your poor son.

[SylvanianFrenemies]

Don't send them back. Report her. That's horrible.

[Quartz2208]

That is awful no 3 year old should be treated like that let alone one with additional needs and a development delay

[Greensleeves]

Move your kids, don't pay her another penny and report the stupid incompetent cow to Ofsted.

[Champagnetaste]

Absolutely move him! Horrible behaviour from her I would be livid

[ArnoldBee]

It sounds like she was very frustrated and perhaps can't actually cope with him. I'd move him to a more supportive setting.

[amserdeffro]

That's made me well up a bit reading that. Your poor boy. She doesn't sound like she should be looking after children.

[Greenglassteacup]

I’d speak to ofsted about this too OP

[catsoup]

That's awful! Please report her, remove your children and arrange parental leave from work while you work out new childcare arrangements.

[Hermagsjesty]

There is no way she would be continuing to care for my children.