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AIBU?

So shaken up

116 replies

fjsks843 · 15/12/2018 12:25

I'm in tears as I'm writing this. I feel so shaken and I'm not sure what I did or what happened.

I've just come back after going to town for some bits from the shop. I started to queue for my couple of items, and in front of me was a man andwho I assume was his daughter, probably around 6-7 years old. I stood behind them waiting, and the man kept looking at me with a really ugly look on his face, as if I was shit on his shoe. He then told his daughter to move to the other side, so away from me. She didn't, he looked round at me again, with that same expression, and said to her "move round here before I lose my temper with this woman."

I was very confused and said "Sorry, I don't understand?" and he ignored me, but kept looking back at me like he wanted to hit me. He then paid and left, and I was too shocked to contemplate what had happened.

For context, he was about 50, and a hge burly man. I am in my mid-20s, and about 5'2. I don't understand what I could have done to offend anyone, I was just queing. I left the shop and burst into tears.

It doesn't help that I've had terrible anxiety for the last few weeks anyway, and this incident has got me doubting my sanity. I'm wondering if I did something terrible and I can't remember. I felt very intimidated and threatened and I don't know what to do, whether I should call the shop and tell them but I'm not sure what it would achieve?

OP posts:

Report

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 15/12/2018 12:28

Oh you poor thing. I would contact the shop, because they may have cctv on that area. Though not sure what he'd be accused of, apart from being a bullying mansplaining twat.

Try not to think about it anymore.

DeadGood · 15/12/2018 12:32

Don’t give it another thought OP. He was obviously saocialyl challenged - maybe he thought you were standing too close or some other such nonsense. He behaved badly and then didn’t have the nuts to explain himself when challenged.

Trampire · 15/12/2018 12:32

That's so horrible and totally weird.

Without meaning to heap further distress into you, are you a person of colour or ethnic minority?

ElainaElephant · 15/12/2018 12:33

Wow that's awful! It's not you, it's him. If he had an issue then he really should have explained.

I wonder if it's a case of mistaken identity? We're you standing really close? Or could it have been racially motivated? (not that that's any justification in any way).

I can only think that he has had a shit day and you happened to be the nearest person that he could take it out on.

HidDis · 15/12/2018 12:34

Sounds like an insecure, misogynist who was making himself feel powerful by demeaning/ bullying you - someone who he knew couldn't fight back.

Horrible and pathetic - but his actions reflect on him not you.

recklessruby · 15/12/2018 12:35

Poor you, maybe he mistook you for someone else he s got a grudge against?
Maybe he's just a really horrible angry man.
Forget it OP. Lately I 've come across a lot of angry people on the roads and I don't care anymore. One woman screamed abuse at me doing a turn in the road coz she nearly hit me speeding down it without looking.
Go home and have or and forget about this horrible man!

fjsks843 · 15/12/2018 12:35

@Trampire No I'm not.

The way he looked at me made me feel terrible. As a child I was bullied at school by someone who said I looked like a man. It was about 14 years ago but so many things are going round in my head, I'm just wondering if he thought I was a trans and he's transphonic? I don't want to offend anyone with that but it's going round and round in my head.

OP posts:

BifsWif · 15/12/2018 12:37

Do you think he could have confused you with someone else? I hope you’re ok

Avis7 · 15/12/2018 12:37

It's far more likely that he's imagining or exaggerating some bad behaviour from you than that you've done something genuinely awful without realising it. If you'd done something horrendous, then he'd have no reason not to explain when you said you didn't understand. He couldn't explain your crime because it was nothing. He'd bring it up with the cashier or get store security involved. I totally understand why you're upset though - it's nasty to be lashed out at like that.

fjsks843 · 15/12/2018 12:38

@ElainaElephant I wasnt standing close at all, I have a problem with personal space so always stand back.

There was something about my appearance he found disgusting. The look he gave me made me feel disgusting. I have such low self confidence anyway, this has made me so upset. My anxiety is terrible and so many scenarios are going round my head.

OP posts:

Trampire · 15/12/2018 12:38

I do understand how these things can shake you.

I suffer from periods of anxiety and once I had a man in a van shout that I was a mother fucking cunt bitch for not letting him cut in front of me in traffic. I often let people in, the truth was I didn't actually see him. It did shake me.

People are horrible. I really can't see why this happened. It was obviously something in his own head.

OneMoreNameHiccup · 15/12/2018 12:40

I'm sure you didn't do something terrible. Please remember this is shit behaviour from an adult, whatever he'd invented you'd done/not done.

Don't focus on it think and don't try to decipher what was - you just need to know he's a dickhead for giving you evils and refusing to explain himself. What a douchebag!

& hugs too, anxiety is bloody awful.

Trampire · 15/12/2018 12:40

There was something about my appearance he found disgusting. The look he gave me made me feel disgusting. I have such low self confidence anyway, this has made me so upset

Oh what a wanker. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

FaintyMcFainterton · 15/12/2018 12:46

I think he must have thought you were someone else. Doesn't excuse his vile behaviour but unless you've got a swatika tattooed on your face I can't understand why he seemed so offended by you.

Topseyt · 15/12/2018 12:46

Give it no further thought. He was clearly an arsehole.

I'm sorry you were made to feel so uncomfortable by a twat. He is the one with the problem, not you. Chances are you won't see him again (hopefully, anyway).

TwistedStitch · 15/12/2018 12:48

He was just a nasty person getting off on intimidating someone. I guarantee he wouldn't have said a thing to a 6ft bloke standing behind him.

aconcertpianist · 15/12/2018 12:51

Do not spend another second thinking about it. He will have gone into another shop later on and done the exact same thing to someone else and he'll probably keep doing it until he does it to the wrong person.

I'm sure you've stood in plenty of other shops without anyone passing any remarks at all, so why waste time and upset yourself thinking about the one time, out of thousands, that a pillock upset you.

Balls to him. He is beneath your notice.

AndSheWas85 · 15/12/2018 12:52

If you have done nothing to "offend" or "upset" this man(which I believe you haven't) then this is absolutely nothing to do with what you look like or who you are as a person. It's him not you that has a problem.
OP. If it wasn't you it would probably be the next woman to queue up behind him. He has serious issues probably about women and was taking it out on you. Don't give it anymore time in your head.

PinaColada1 · 15/12/2018 12:54

I think he thought you were someone else. It happened to me once. I got spat on! Really shocked. They then called me another woman’s name so I knew then they’d mistaken me. So you are not alone.

Or he’s a bit unhinged.

It’s the shock of something like that. Just take time to recover. And don’t stop going out, go into that shop again a few times to force yourself to get used to being in similar places again.

MadameGerbil · 15/12/2018 13:00

^^ what aconcertpianist said.

The man is an angry ticking timebomb.
Poor you and my heart goes out to that little girl who cannot get away from him 😕

Ethel36 · 15/12/2018 13:00

I honestly think that you did nothing wrong. If you had then his daughter would have moved away too before being asked to by her dad. Her dad probably has mental health issues. How he behaved was not normal at all. Even if you had bumped into him..its still not a normal reaction. Don't cry or be affected by it. He has probably done that to loads of people. If the girl was unfazed by her dad's OTT behaviour then that was probably the case.

WellGoshDarnIt · 15/12/2018 13:01

You poor thing, what an absolute bullying arsehole he sounds. His poor daughter. Don't dwell on it - you've done nothing wrong. I understand how you feel - I have anxiety too and it's horrible. I have started wearing headphones in public now - the music is very quiet so I'm still totally aware of my surroundings, but people are far less likely to make passive aggressive digs or nasty comments if they think you can't hear them. Hugs to you.

Rainbunny · 15/12/2018 13:02

OP - people like him exist unfortunately and I can completely understand how scary it is when a complete stranger focuses on you with intimidating hostility.

Believe me, this was all him. Some people are barely in control of themselves, and if they are having a bad day they are like a bomb waiting to go off. He was clearly in a mood and just wanting to take it out on anyone in range. I know it sounds incomprehensible to you and me because like most people we are civilised, but some people really do go around behaving like this and it's more often men because they tend to turn their rage outwards towards others whilst women internalise our emotions (generalisation I know and very few men or women are this way thankfully).

It's entirely possible that this jerk created some imaginary transgression on your part (you looked at him funny, stood too close to his dd, smiled at his dd or nothing at all even...) and that's all it took for him to choose you to spew his hostility at. I've been on the receiving end in a similar situation, try not to dwell on it and hopefully you'll feel much better in a few days.

ChesterGreySideboard · 15/12/2018 13:02

Could it be something simple like your shopping bag was knocking into him? Not to excuse his behaviour but could it be something you didn’t realise?

Myusername101z · 15/12/2018 13:02

When you were behind him were you stood very close to him it really annoys me when people breath down my neck in ques , doesn’t excuse his behaviour though

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