to think it's inappropriate for the TA to try to invite herself to my house?

[TenGinBottles]

DS has a school trip coming up. He can't go because it will make him physically unwell (SN). I spoke to the teacher and asked her what she wanted me to do, call him in sick, take him out for the morning etc

TA called back to say she won't be on the trip and he could go into school after the others have left. Could sit in on the Yr3 class and then do some 1:1 work with her. Then she said maybe it's not a good idea because they're the boys who pick on DS, so he could come in a lesson later. I said I was working from home so could bring him in whenever. I asked what would happen at break time as he would be the only one from his class there, and he is often picked on at break time. Oh. Not a good idea, maybe I could bring him in after break. But then she's only there for one lesson. So I suggested he could do something at home with me. He often does his homework next to me whilst I'm working and they know I have workbooks here for him.

She then said that DS often talks about his toys, so maybe it would be a good idea for her to come and see where he plays and what toys he has
I said no, that wouldn't be convenient since, as I had previously explained, I will be working that morning.

Is it just me or is it totally inappropriate for her to be asking to come and visit our house? She's invited DS to her house before (without asking me) which I also find weird. I just declined and said I didn't think it necessary. We've had issues in the past with the school blaming his SN on our parenting, this has thankfully lessened now that DC2 has started at the school.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

she sounds fairly unprofessional tbh.

[StrangeAndUnusual]

I wouldn't want TA coming to my house either. It sounds a bit odd and as if she perhaps has a reason that she's not telling you.

[ConciseandNice]

YANBU. That sounds very odd to me. A school professional shouldn’t be seeing the family socially or at their house at all. I was told this when I struck up a friendship with a TA at my daughter’s old nursery. She couldn’t be visiting from a professional perspective as her work is based in the school not community. Bizarre.

[Waggingmyginger]

Very off. Lone working like that would be actively discouraged by most schools. When teachers do home visits they often take a TA. Home visits are also very rare.

[TenGinBottles]

It feels like she wants to spy on us and our dastardly ASD and ADHD inducing parenting

[CarrotVan]

The school should have a plan in place for what will be provided for pupils not on the trip. The trip should also have been designed with reasonable adjustments.

Your son should be able to attend school as normal and the school should provide and supervise appropriate learning activities as well as safeguarding his wellbeing at break times.

Frankly the whole set sounds bizarre - negotiating when he arrives, no proper activities planned - all odd

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

this TA saying first that he could come to a certain group and then saying mid conversation , 'oh no those are the boys that pick on him' just sounds grossly incompetent.

[WeirdyMcBeardy]

What? How ridiculous that rather than him sitting next to you doing actual homework, she suggests she sits and plays toys with him? I thought she had to be in the Year 3 class? She sounds shit and the school sound like they are incapable of protecting your DS.

As his TA, surely she should have him 1:1 for that morning. Surely the Year 3 class could manage without her for a few hours whilst she works with your DS? If they schooo cannot facilitate this then I'd just tell them to send extra work home the day before and he will do it at home whilst everyone else is on the trip.

[redbirdblackbird]

Would it be so they are seen as educating him offsite rather than excluding him from education because of the trip.

[G1ngerpig]

Totally not on and potentially confusing for your child. They expect to see her at school, not at home. I'd be having a quiet word with the head teacher as that's so odd. We had a bus escort for my daughter who always used to want to take my son home as he was so good, unlike DD. Adults wanting to be along with children is not really on. Even if she has no bad intent it could make it acceptable for someone else to want to be and that's not on.

[BertrandRussell]

I would want to talk to the Head about him being invited to her house, frankly. It’s incredibly unprofessional, and risky for her. Also, not sure why you’re having this conversation with the TA, not with his teacher.

[Cyberworrier]

I agree with Bertrand Russell (great name), go to the Head. Ask why TA called, not teacher, and raise this as a safe guarding concern. It sounds like either gross incompetence or very odd and a safeguarding issue, either way SLT should be informed.

[CoffeAndCream]

I would be very concerned about the TA inviting ds to her home? Did you hear it or can you be sure she did? I would be speaking to the head.

Regarding the trip, it is up to school to advise you how they are going to meet the needs of your DS on the day of the trip not for the TA to call you and talk about keeping him home etc

[TenGinBottles]

Oh she definitely invited him. She told me she wasn't sure if I would think it appropriate but that she had invited him "if mummy agrees". I told her I didn't.

I don't know why she called me, I hoped the teacher would. I emailed the teacher, happened to see her as I was dropping the DC off so had a quick chat to explain and then the TA called back. I don't know if the teacher asked her to because she's his 1:1 or if the TA suggested it "to be helpful". I frankly find it annoying that it's always Mrs X said this, and I always get the message second hand.

DS has 6 hours a week support so on a Monday she would be with him in lessons 2&3, either side of the break, but is in another class lessons 1 & 4. He will be the only one not on the trip. Her final solution is to give him work to do at home and I need to coach him to tell the others that he was at the doctors if they ask in the afternoon.

[Skarossinkplunger]

No this is definitely not something that would be happy with. However I am a bit bemused at Cyberworrier’s shock that at a TA rang instead of a teacher, or do think that TA’s are lowly staff who shouldn’t be speaking to parents?

[lalalalyra]

Oh she definitely invited him. She told me she wasn't sure if I would think it appropriate but that she had invited him "if mummy agrees". I told her I didn't.

Please tell me you reported that to the Head? That's grossly inappropriate.
Not only is she massively crossing a line, but her "if mummy agrees" also makes you the bad guy...

I need to coach him to tell the others that he was at the doctors if they ask in the afternoon.

Completely inappropriate suggestion.

Tbh it sounds like you have much bigger issues than one trip with this TA.

[Cyberworrier]

Wouldn’t have been shocking for TA to have called if they had been relaying a sensible message from class teacher or making observations based on group work or about child’s progress/wellbeing (although at most schools I know wouldn’t ask TAs to make such calls..) but that evidently wasn’t the case here! Definitely don’t think TAs are lowly staff members (having been one- and a classteacher- so understanding job descriptions of both...) but the TA in this instance certainly was going beyond many boundaries and not acting appropriately!

[VanillaPriscilla]

fucking hell , that's wrong on so many levels
speak to the head
TBH if that's their idea of keeping healthy boundaries I'd be asking for another TA to work with my child

[TenGinBottles]

Yes, I'm not happy about the suggestion I teach him to tell outright lies especially when it involves him missing school.

No I didn't report it to the head, I kind of dismissed it as eccentricity at the time. And yes, it did make DS feel I was being the mean person for not letting him go. It wasn't mentioned again until today.

[VanillaPriscilla]

You do need to report this OP
They have seriously crossed boundaries

[lalalalyra]

No I didn't report it to the head, I kind of dismissed it as eccentricity at the time. And yes, it did make DS feel I was being the mean person for not letting him go. It wasn't mentioned again until today.

You need to report it now.

It's not only unprofessional, but it's also putting her in danger. There's probably nothing sinister in it, but can you imagine what will happen to her if she becomes known as the creepy TA who invites children to her house?

And there is always the very slim chance it's sinister...

Children should not be having school staff (or guide volunteers, or football coaches) inviting them to their homes normalised.

[Cyberworrier]

Please do report it.

[enterthedragon]

Is he in school full time?

[DelphiniumBlue]

Very strange that it's the TA trying to make arrangements with you.
Surely the SLT will decide whether she will be working with him on the day the trip takes place, in the usual way, or whether they will deploy her elsewhere.
I don't think it's for the teacher to decide either.
If you chose not to send him to school on that day, I suppose it would be useful for you to give a heads up so that staffing arrangements can be made, but I would have thought it unlikely that a day off would be authorised.
Any conversations should be with the head or SeNCO , who will be responsible for making appropriate arrangements for your son if he is in school. I'd be very surprised to find out that the TA was authorised to have any conversation with you at all about that - the arrangements for your son and for staffing would both be outside her remit.
I don't think she should be inviting herself round either .
I do think you should speak to the head, if only to clarify the position regarding whether your son should be at school(he should!) and to flag up that the TA is acting well outside her authority.

[leggere]

Did she say why ds should go to her home, op?