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Son still sleeps with mother

(118 Posts)
AIBUfan Tue 26-Dec-17 18:49:46

AIBU to think that (a) it's creepy that my OH's son still sleeps with his mother at 9 years old; (b) that my OH puts up with son and mother sleeping at his house, and I have to vacate.

Background history - OH's son's mother abducted him from the UK when he was very young. She will not allow her son to visit his father on his own.

OH "whispers" when on the phone to me whilst son and mother are there. The situation is delicate, as he has court orders in the UK giving him 50% custody, but they are not enforceable in the jurisdiction where his son's mother lives.

There are all sorts of issues arising from this, but one I cannot deal with is that the mother feels entitled to sleep in my OH's house (her son should of course sleep there, but why should she??); and that my OH's parents pay for her flights.

AIBU???

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Wed 27-Dec-17 08:16:23

I don’t know where that Seattle came from, it should read making the court AWARE of the abduction.

shhhfastasleep Wed 27-Dec-17 08:30:05

I think he's lying to you, as well, op

Taylor22 Wed 27-Dec-17 08:48:48

If the son is in the U.K. Then your husband can get an emergency court order to stop him leaving.
Or he could just take away his passport.

harrypotternerd Wed 27-Dec-17 08:54:33

A lot of things don't add up. Firstly you can put a stop on a child's passport especially when there is a court order which means police will stop the child getting on a plane.
You said she was arrested? If she was then your OH will have been given residency and the ex would be charged.

Bambamrubblesmum Wed 27-Dec-17 08:59:15

How long have you been with your OH?

Bambamrubblesmum Wed 27-Dec-17 09:09:20

I agree there's a lot about this situation that doesn't ring true. Have you seen any court papers or evidence to support your OHs side of events? Or is it all from him and his family?

marcopront Wed 27-Dec-17 09:11:08

I live in a different country to DD's Dad and would take her to visit him and stay in his house. He would come to visit us and stay in our house as well. She is now 11. In the summer I took her there and then flew back before her and she flew as an unaccompanied minor. She will be flying both ways as an unaccompanied minor next week.
It's far easier for the child if both parents can stay in the same house. It is really hard to only see your father a few times a year and the level of comfort with him will not be that high and having Mum there makes it easier.

WhatHappenedToSunday Wed 27-Dec-17 09:13:07

YABU
It's a child and mum.
Plenty ppl share when bisiting away from home and limited spare rooms

GingerIvy Wed 27-Dec-17 09:51:46

I suspect he is lying to you. You also sound pretty bitter and judgemental about his child's other parent.

My ex doesn't see our children unsupervised because he has a long history of mental health issues that he refused to seek treatment for, a history of alcohol abuse, and a history of abusive behaviour towards myself and the children. He has in the past told everyone who would listen that I am a horrible bitch that wouldn't allow him to see his children - I don't suppose the truth that he was abusive and that he happily goes for months on end (sometimes up to a year) without bothering to see see them or ask about them plays nearly as sympathetically to his family/friends.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 27-Dec-17 09:56:49

I'd assume in these circumstances that your
DP's ex isn't an ex and she doesn't know about you

TheFSMisreal Wed 27-Dec-17 12:54:55

You claim he's done everything to see and have a relationship with his son but evidently that's just not true. Even I'm beginning to suspect you may be the mistress. No a father cosleeping with his daughter is not creepy either

ILoveMillhousesDad Wed 27-Dec-17 13:13:03

It all sounds fishy. You definitely haven't got the full story.

The kid is 9 fgs. No way on this earth would I let my 9yo make a plane journey on her own!

KimchiLaLa Wed 27-Dec-17 13:22:36

My DN has never ever slept in a bed on his own.
It's the reason DH won't entertain my DD co-sleeping!

Xmaspuddingdisaster Wed 27-Dec-17 13:28:58

I would assume that the mention of the child sleeping with his mum is to explain the absence of a separate bed for her, which might well mean she actually sleeps with her ex - but you’d need to know the people involved to know that.

Ellisandra Wed 27-Dec-17 14:03:57

- my almost 9yo cosleeps all the time
- she would be even more likely to cosleep if away from our home with me
- especially to save beds being made up
- as they live in another country, it could be one where cosleeping is very common
- no way in hell would I fly her as an unaccompanied minor

Why are you not discussing this with your boyfriend?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 27-Dec-17 19:45:54

Ugh, brand new poster...

Aridane Wed 27-Dec-17 19:46:44

Everyone at some point was a brand new poster...

IMightMentionGriddlebone Wed 27-Dec-17 19:54:18

So how long have you been with your boyfriend?

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