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To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

(728 Posts)
yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 18:41:59

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

OP’s posts: |
Notevilstepmother Mon 11-Dec-17 19:24:22

I do feel sorry for your DD, but equally there are a lot of teenage girls that do try it on with male teachers particularly. I’d go higher with any complaints because if this is school policy he hasn’t much choice but to enforce it, or get told off himself. I used to let girls go if I thought they were genuine, but I never really cared much if senior management wanted to give me grief for something like that. Not every teacher feels able to stand up for the students in the face of these rules.

There are reasons why toilet breaks in lessons are discouraged (mainly bad behaviour and the latest fad in education of every single minute counts and must be used for important learning). However we seem to have lost the common sense approach.

RidingWindhorses Mon 11-Dec-17 19:24:46

OP: one to take up with the pastoral head of your DD's year. If only for his ignorance on basic biology. They can issue appropriate guidelines.

Yep. It's not one for you to take on yourself OP, because he needs some basic information and guidance. it's not your job to have to give it to him.

JustAnIdiot Mon 11-Dec-17 19:25:38

It doesn't matter how light or heavy your periods are, if you need to change you need to change & so mortifying if you leak & it's obvious.

As for "holding it in" - it's just impossible, nothing like hanging on when needing the loo. You can't clamp your womb & vagina shut with muscle-power FFS

If it were possible, no-one would ever have to do the "cum-run" again to avoid a wet patch in the bed...

Iprefercoffeetotea Mon 11-Dec-17 19:26:02

Ideally think some people here are forgetting what a nightmare teenagers can be. Plenty of girls in my class would try to use their period to their advantage

I really don't care. Ok it happens and it's annoying for a teacher. But it's far more damaging for a teenage girl to be humilated because she leaked everywhere (or for a child of either sex to be humilated because they really needed the loo and were unable to go).

As for a doctor's note - really? In what MN universe can you just turn up and see the doctor in this way? I have to wait at least 3 weeks for non-emergencies.

mathanxiety Mon 11-Dec-17 19:29:52

What a moron the teacher is. Maybe he thinks menstrual flow us like peeing.

I would most definitely complain. The policy creates a hostile learning environment for girls.

yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:30:28

I don't think a doctor's note would be very realistic - they're not especially heavy usually and I think this was a one-off incident, plus GPs are booked to bursting as it is. Maybe something to look into in the future if they get worse though.

OP’s posts: |
stitchglitched Mon 11-Dec-17 19:30:48

I would say that it appears to be in Pengwyn's nature to argue the opposite of whatever is being said. I'm sure she is fully aware that people flood.

BarrackerBarmer Mon 11-Dec-17 19:31:36

Can no one even conceive of the possibility that a teenager might suddenly and unexpectedly have a period start at the beginning of an hour long class and need to leave quickly to sort out San pro?

It matters not whether this is a case of flooding/unexpected period timing/poor time management or any other reason.

It is unacceptable to deny a menstruating girl or woman access to a toilet when she needs it.
Whenever she needs it.
Even if you have a huge chip on your shoulder about entitled girls claiming period privileges and you want to make an example of some poor child for daring to menstruate inconveniently.

I started bleeding unexpectedly today at completely the wrong time, despite being on HRT which is supposed to artificially control timings.

Bravo for all the women with well behaved uteruses and impeccable time management skills tho. Nice to be you.

paxillin Mon 11-Dec-17 19:31:37

Yes, Sparklingbrook, it appears Pengggwn is a teacher. Seems this choice of profession isn't always paired with compassion or kindness.

Redken24 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:32:12

Wow some women are super lucky here with their periods.

yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:33:16

what are the obvious signs she is on her period? Does she have it wrote across her for head?

She blatantly said 'I'm on my period'

BTW, she is very impressed with how many people have replied to this thread - "I'm famous with a load of middle-aged women!"

OP’s posts: |
mathanxiety Mon 11-Dec-17 19:34:04

And YYY to the posters who are getting frustrated at the incomprehension of how heavily some teens and women bleed.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning Mon 11-Dec-17 19:34:09

YANBU. I get that lots of teens would take the piss but dignity is important. It’s school, not prison. Though, as always, a few MN teachers pounce and won’t even consider the fact that a random teacher who they don’t even know could possibly, maybe be wrong. <shock horror>

Sparklingbrook Mon 11-Dec-17 19:34:35

Oi less of the middle aged. grin

Incrediblehulky Mon 11-Dec-17 19:36:19

I can't believe how judgemental and frankly unkind people are on here! Of course its possible to soak through a pad in 30 mins with a heavy period. Her teacher should not have told her to 'hold it in' - that's just ridiculous! The comment earlier stating that you can actually hold period blood flow in with pelvic floor exercises has left me speechless 😲🤣😂

Iprefercoffeetotea Mon 11-Dec-17 19:36:25

Bravo for all the women with well behaved uteruses and impeccable time management skills tho. Nice to be you

Exactly.

And yes, when you get into the workplace you might not be able to go to the loo whenever you want, eg if you're a paramedic you're not always going to be close to a loo, but presumably if you have really heavy periods you at least try to choose a job that accommodates them. When you are at school you don't have that luxury, you have to be in a classroom 9-3 and periods may not play nicely in breaktimes.

RidingWindhorses Mon 11-Dec-17 19:37:13

Seems this choice of profession isn't always paired with compassion or kindness.

Or intelligence apparently.

Mumof56 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:37:49

She blatantly said 'I'm on my period

That's a statement anyone can make. I'm more interested in how it was obvious.

Sparklingbrook Mon 11-Dec-17 19:37:51

It would be a great skill to have to be able to time the gush for when it's convenient.

Iprefercoffeetotea Mon 11-Dec-17 19:38:17

she is very impressed with how many people have replied to this thread - "I'm famous with a load of middle-aged women

smile

Sadly I probably do fall into the middle-aged bracket. Anyway I hope she is reassured by the support on here.

Givemeonereason Mon 11-Dec-17 19:39:17

I'm usually on the teacher's side but this is ridiculous. If all our periods were as clockwork as some previous posters seem to think they are, we'd all be bloody luck! (No pun intended)
Sometimes I have a heavy period, sometimes light. Sometimes I get a bit 'gush', sometimes a light trickle. I never know from month to month, and I've been menstrating for over 20 years.
I imagine, based on the average age, your DD has been having periods for around 2 years or so? It can take years for them to become very regular.

I would complain. He needs to know that this is not an appropriate response to a lady with lady problems.

Blahblahblahzeeblah Mon 11-Dec-17 19:40:18

What's a teacher to do if half the class all declare they have an urgent need to use the toilet because of their period at once? This would totally have happened in some classes in my school. Teenagers can be rotten and flout the rules at any given opportunity. Some girls would take particular glee in spelling out it was due to their period in the hope of embarrassing the teacher. I appreciate the OPs daughter had a genuine need here and I'm not sure what the best action plan would be but I don't doubt if a bad period got you out of class several students would find themselves having a bad period every week.

yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 19:40:48

a few MN teachers pounce and won’t even consider the fact that a random teacher who they don’t even know could possibly, maybe be wrong.

As a teacher myself, I know many who are wrong about things (myself definitely included), no idea where this attitude comes from!

OP’s posts: |
IamalsoSpartacus Mon 11-Dec-17 19:41:50

Wonderlime said "there will be lots of times in the future where she will have to preplan and manage her period without being able to access a toilet....Plus she has had her periods for 3 years now, so should have a reasonable understanding of whether she'd need to change her pad before lesson and do so to avoid disruption."

About 30 years after starting menstruating I bled through a tampon, a liner and my trousers on public transport on the way to work. It was a 30 minute journey.

It's great that your periods are manageable. But as so many PP have said, for many of us, flooding is a real, horrible problem.

I have a Mirena coil now. It took me 15 years and three laparoscopies before my periods were brought under control.

OPs daughter should be allowed to leave the lesson, change her protection, and come back to class.

Givemeonereason Mon 11-Dec-17 19:42:06

@Blahblahblahzeeblah what's a teacher to do if a girl leaks through and stains her skirt? Teenagers can be so cruel and would be a catalyst for bullying

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