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To feel sick and deceitful for planning to leave?

(15 Posts)
livemore Wed 06-Dec-17 15:06:58

I have been on here before to try and understand my OHs behaviour, to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable. After months maybe years of being unhappy I have squirrelled money and found a place for myself and my 2 dd's to live. The problem is I haven't told him I'm leaving. I'm concerned about my children's Christmas and am trying to keep it under wraps. So now I feel sick with anxiety, can't sleep and keep questioning what I'm doing. My head is close to explosion point!

meatLaof Wed 06-Dec-17 15:09:44

Yes. Disappearing with his children is awful unless there's a drip feed on the way to ensure support from replies.

MrSnrubYesThatsIt Wed 06-Dec-17 15:19:22

Can you tell us more?
I wouldn't feel one iota of guilt if he's the type of pigman we hear about often on here, who's making his own family's life a misery.

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain Wed 06-Dec-17 15:20:01

Are you the poster who’s ‘d’ p was financially abusive and cut off all money leaving you trying to support yourselves on a startup business having previously left a good career? If so I remember previous threads and you aren’t being unreasonable to leave and you aren’t being unreasonable to get your ducks in a row for the sake of your kids. I wish you luck (apologies if wrong poster)

KinkyAfro Wed 06-Dec-17 15:20:26

I'm guessing op hasn't made this decision lightly and feels there's no alternative to leave

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 06-Dec-17 15:21:05

I remember your other thread. His financial abuse is really and and you are going to be much better off away from him.

How far away is the new place, have you got a job lined up and when do you plan to leave? Are you planning to tell him before you go?

He sounds like a prize bastard but your children have a right to a relationship with their father so flitting away under cover of darkness isn't a good idea.

livemore Wed 06-Dec-17 15:21:07

I have no intention of manipulating the thread to rally support. Just wanted unbiased opinions. We have been discussing separating since September and unfortunately things have come to a head at Christmas. I want my children to have a good Christmas so was intending to wait a couple weeks before I discuss the details with him, but maybe I will tell him now and trust he will do what's best for our children. Thank you for your opinion.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 06-Dec-17 15:24:38

Put a claim in for child support from the CMS as soon as you can. He's inevitably going to be a prick about it but he owes his children that money so get on it as a priority.

He can't claim to be shocked at you leaving when you've been discussing it but he's probably not been taking you seriously so you've done the right thing by making plans to get away.

Life will be much much happier. Things might be tough for a while but you're doing the right thing by yourself and your children.

livemore Wed 06-Dec-17 15:28:57

Thank you. Yes I did post about the money and he has continued to hold it back and only drip feed small amounts to me. I am obviously going to tell him I'm leaving and I am only moving a couple miles away. It's just all very emotional.

Tinselistacky Wed 06-Dec-17 15:30:37

When I left my exh he was in denial. He don't believe I had a house sorted and a van booked. Unfortunately moving date was the day his poorly gf died. He was a lovely man who actually supported my wish to leave exh. I did move that day while exh was at work. If you have a date in mind (tenancy date maybe?) you can claim benefits from that date if you going to claim. Forms can be filled in a bit earlier with the official date on.

Clandestino Wed 06-Dec-17 15:31:12

Is there any particular reason why you are leaving? Abuse, physical, financial or emotional?
If not, it's completely unfair from you to just take your children and leave. You need to be honest and open with your partner. Leaving an abuser is a completely different story.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 06-Dec-17 15:31:48

You might be better posting this in relationships op

Clandestino Wed 06-Dec-17 15:35:32

OK, just reading financial abuse. Then you're better off without him and so will your children.
You can have lovely Christmas even without their Dad present. And I think if you were considering separation already, they already know not all's good between you.

Darlingsof Wed 06-Dec-17 15:37:29

Can you have someone with you, nearby when you tell him? I;d do it quickly and cleanly.

VileyRose Wed 06-Dec-17 16:12:14

I left like this too and we are so much happier.

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