Pancreatic. F**king. Cancer

[cheeriosatdawn]

I've probably offended the powers that be with the title, but I'm in a (very) dark place and it's all I have right now.

My mother was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And by "just" I mean that I learned about the diagnosis about four hours ago.

After some frantic googling, I'm more aware than ever that I know nothing about this disease. I know nothing about treatment, I know nothing about when it makes sense to skip treatment and make the (oh God) last months easier. I. Know. Nothing.

I don't even have the right questions to ask of her doctors.

And, of course, I'm devastated, which means that, well: I'm even more gormless and useless and unhelpful.

But then I go back to google and what I read is basically that my mother will be gone within the year. That this is, no matter what we do, my mother's last Christmas.

God. The writing of that is unspeakably, well: unspeakable.

So: mumsnet: am I unreasonable in feeling that this is just a death sentence for my mother? Does anyone know anything about this appalling diagnosis that they're willing to share?

[ghostyslovesheets]

oh good lord OP how awful :(

But no one can answer your question but her consultant - stop googling you need a big hug and a scream x

[mumonashoestring]

Bless you, what a hideous shock Step away from Google and ring the Pancreatic Cancer Support Line, they'll be able to take some of the brunt of the initial shock and help you start working out what you need to do/ask to help your Mum.
www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/information-and-support/get-support/support-line/

[Storminateapot]

So sorry to hear this. Stop googling. The information will be misinformed/out of date/not necessarily relevant to her case.

Ask the doctors for information, google really is your enemy right now.

[Apocalyptichorsewoman]

How awful for you Am so sorry. I would second looking at reputable sites xx

[cheeriosatdawn]

Thank you for posting. Thank you very much. I'm not one for soliciting sympathy in real life, but from my reaction to your posts I'm realising that I needed your kindness. Very much.

I've seen threads where mumsnetters have supported others, and I've tried to add my bit where I could. But I never understood how incredibly meaningful and wonderful anonymous support could be.

So I'll say again all I have at my disposal, which I say with all my heart: thank you.

[MollyWantsACracker]

💐

I don’t know anything useful to say, but I am sorry to hear OP

[GertrudeCB]

I'm so, so sorry op

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

I found out that my mother had pancreatic cancer at almost exactly this time 8 years ago. I will never forget the feelings of helplessness that engulfed my whole family at that time. I’m so so sorry that you have to go through this too. My only advice is to be with your mum as much as you possibly can from now on.

[QueenOfAllISurvey]

Oh, love

Take it easy. Scream and cry if you want to. Deep breaths.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Get off google immediately

And when you feel calmer ring the advice line and go to a proper cancer website and try and attend appointment

It’s horrible news to get and my heart goes out to you and no one can sugar coat it

But the simple fact is we all will die at one time and the more educated you are (through the right channels ) the more power you have .

My advice is to be calm for her and then when you have a better assessment plan do you can send end time together and support each other through this
It’s 2017 and there is a lot of treatment that can extend life and make it manageable

I spent a lot of time with my dad and he had 5 years and when his end came it was peace full and well managed

I am sorry through its such a shock to start with

[ticketytock1]

Step away from google now!!!!!
This is a huge shock and I'm sure the adrenaline is running right through you. Have a whiskey or something to help relax you a bit.
Take it one step at a time... there is help and support for you and until an oncologist has assessed / operated on your mum then don't jump to conclusions.
Big hugs and we are here for you xxx

[georgedawes]

I'm so sorry what a shock. I know it's easy for me to say but try to live in the moment and not let your thoughts run away. I know that is much easier said than done!

Cancer is a bastard.

[JamPasty]

I'm so sorry - big hugs

[blobbity]

I knew someone who had about 4 years with pancreatic cancer (that had also spread) didn’t feel ill till last 6 months and only the last 3 days was awful. Only spent their last day in hospital.
I know pancreatic cancer is often fast and awful but do remember that cancer is a weird disease with many faces and as hard as it is, step away from google and listen to the doctors because google won’t tell you what you need to know. Good luck

[SimultaneousEquation]

my uncle had this.

[Maelstrop]

I'm so sorry, OP, that is totally devastating news. I think it's better not to Google, although it's inevitable. Can you support your mum by going to the consultant appointments with her? Will she want you make the best of Christmas? If so, can you go all out and have an amazing day?

Keep coming on here, the support is endless and helpful when you're in a dark place.

[TakemedowntoPotatoCity]

So very sorry OP. X

[lalalalyra]

Step away from Google. Your Mum's nurse will have all the information you need as and when you need it. Drugs and the likes change so quickly that anything you read up on might not be relevant.

They'll guide you about the balance between treatment and quality of life. They'll also be as honest/blunt/sensitive as they are needed to be at the time.

I'm so sorry you are facing this.

[AdoraBell]

I’m so sorry you’ve had this news.

And yes, step away from Google.

[SimultaneousEquation]

It wasn’t awful. It was fast, but not awful. He had good palliative care and wasn’t in pain or distress.

[Aducknotallama]

So sorry you are going this. Recently been through this with my mum. Thinking of you.

[Ohb0llocks]

So so sorry. I wish I could offer more/any advice, but all I can give is a (virtual) shoulder

[VictoriaMcdade]

You and your dear Mum have my sympathies. My Dad had pancreatic cancer so I know what you are going through.

Def step away from Google. Talk to her consultant with her. And if it is appropriate ask questions just yourself. They will know what they should / should not tell you due to patient confidentiality, but you need to be prepared to take in a lot of info.

Def talk to the Pancreatic Cancer Support line. There will be lots of us here that will have gone through this. You can come and ask about any stage. Take care of yourself

[sausagepastapot]

Just sending flowers and hugs

I am so sorry.

[lorelairoryemily]

Op I'm so sorry for you and your mum, my best friends mum got the same diagnosis at the end of August. It's horrendous. Spend every single minute you can with her