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AIBU?

Christmas presents

80 replies

Collienova · 15/10/2017 21:16

I know it's only October, but....
I would like to do a 'want one, need one, wear one, read one' Christmas for DD5, but DH seems to be implying it's unreasonable. She's got plenty, I don't want her to think Christmas is all about presents. I want to spend time with her, baking, making things, walks etc
She's still get presents from family and a gifts from Father Christmas. I'm being made to feel like I'd be depriving her somehow???

OP posts:

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goose1964 · 15/10/2017 21:20

We never did the loads of parents thing, but my kids have fond memories of doing things like walking around looking at Christmas lights, cooking etc

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Claireabella1 · 15/10/2017 21:20

YANBU my children have one main present and a bunch of little ones, I don't spend much at Christmas and save it for birthdays when they have more. Christmas is about food, not presents I think your idea sounds lovely.

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goose1964 · 15/10/2017 21:20

Presents duh

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BarbarianMum · 15/10/2017 21:25

Oh do it. We hit madness when ds1 was 4 and ds2 2, with so many presents that it took them days to open them (overwhelmed). Since then, much less. A few from us and grandparents/ aunties etc are limited to one each. Still seems like they have tonnes of stuff-certainly plenty.

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honeyroar · 15/10/2017 21:28

Ive never heard of that before, but it sounds a nice idea. She's still going to get loads off other people too.

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YellowMakesMeSmile · 15/10/2017 21:28

I'm not keen on it either so am with your DH. We buy books and clothes all year round as see them as essentials and a gift should be something the receiver will like not what they need.

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EdmundCleverClogs · 15/10/2017 21:33

I would like to do a 'want one, need one, wear one, read one' Christmas for DD5, but DH seems to be implying it's unreasonable.

On the one hand, I do see how 'less is more'. Christmas can get ott, and once precedence is set, it can get worse year on year. However, I disagree with the concept of 'want/need/wear/read'. I do think it should be a couple of things the child actually would want, rather than 'here's one thing you wanted, the rest are boring practical/boring gifts to suit needs/educational value'. In my opinion, it rather sucks the joy out of the whole experience. Of course, if your daughter loves new clothes and books then it's not actually an issue.

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hidinginthenightgarden · 15/10/2017 21:37

The last year or two we have accumulated so much stuff that we have really cut down this year. Both had birthdays in the last week, we spent around £70-80 on each of them. Probably won't spend more than £100 each for xmas which will be about 3-4 presents depending on prices.
It really is enough.

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hidinginthenightgarden · 15/10/2017 21:38

Oh and I don't think the mantra you are following works with a 5 yr old but I cutting down on things isn't a bad thing.

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Collienova · 15/10/2017 21:49

Thanks everyone! Just to clarify, i would make the need one, wear one and read one fun as well. She's really into onesies at the moment, so I would get her a nice comfy one for the winter months and she loves going out on her bike, but she 'needs' a new helmet. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the need one, wear one and read one don't need to be boring. Even if they were, it would still be a present to appreciate? I'm not depriving my child by teaching her to appreciate all gifts she receives?

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melj1213 · 15/10/2017 22:09

However, I disagree with the concept of 'want/need/wear/read'. I do think it should be a couple of things the child actually would want, rather than 'here's one thing you wanted, the rest are boring practical/boring gifts to suit needs/educational value'.

I use this principle with DD9 and it's not just "one thing she wants and everything else is practical" it's that I use those categories to structure my buying to things that would be "frivolous" or OTT any other time of the year. So the things are both practical and fun but also means she isn't overwhelmed with plastic tat bought just for the sake of buying things to "bulk out" her present pile. The only difference is that I also have a "something to share" item too, which is usually a board game/puzzle that we play on Christmas day when all the family come over.

DDs main present is whatever is top of her wish list by Christmas then she gets something she needs, eg her favourite snuggle blanket is starting to wear out so she will be getting a new mermaid tail blanket that she's been talking about (so it's something she both needs and wants), then there's a party dress she wants that I think is hugely impractical for normal wear and is far to extravagant to buy her just for the sake of it ... so it's her "wear" item from the list (along with a Jojo bow and a couple of other little hair accessories that match) and then the read will be a book either in a series she is currently reading or another book by an author she likes.

She will also be getting our traditional new Xmas Eve PJs/slippers/dressing gown combo and a stocking with sweets/obligatory orange in the toe and that is more than enough ... especially when she'll be getting presents from my parents and siblings and her dad and his family too.

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LeavesinAutumn · 15/10/2017 22:19

I agree with another poster that Xmas is about enjoying it not a massive teaching lesson. Every thing seems sooo serious now.

Will she get spoiled by other people family members? If so then yes to getting her small gifts but it's not going to teach her the lesson, because... She will get spoiled.
I could never do that, one for need thing because we are the only ones to buy for our dc. We use the other 362 days of the year to show restraint, not buying much throughout year, appreciating money, being thankful. The stuff we get at Xmas needs to last until bday later in year. So one book won't cut it. I like to encouraging reading so have brought loads for Xmas.
One new card game will get really boring so we buy a good amount of various things.
They are not spoilt at all and we are not regimented to never ever buy stuff throughout the year but the idea is we get spoiled at Xmas. They rest of the year we learn economy and frugality.

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Gatehouse77 · 15/10/2017 22:39

Ours get a stocking (from Father Christmas of course!) with a lot of the 'needs' included. Their main gift from us is something they 'want' which can be one or many things.

They get plenty from others, particularly as they're the only next generation on my side.

However, when they were younger we spread out the presents over the week so they actually played/used/enjoyed them before scrabbling to open the next one.

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TittyGolightly · 15/10/2017 22:42

We do the 4 present thing and a small stocking. And that's it. No FC presents. DD (7) is fine with it. We don't make a fuss about Xmas.

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Juicyfruitloop · 15/10/2017 22:45

YANBU. Sounds like a really lovely idea and new family tradition.

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LellyMcKelly · 15/10/2017 22:49

I think that's a great idea, and will probably adopt it! My kids get so much from their grandparents that the house is groaning with crap for weeks after Christmas.

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sirfredfredgeorge · 15/10/2017 22:49

She's still get presents from family and a gifts from Father Christmas

You do know you have to buy the father christmas ones right?

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Collienova · 15/10/2017 23:02

Not sure what your point is SirFred? This is not about saving money. It's about providing a Christmas to be about family and spending time together and sharing gifts that are meaningful rather than abundance for the sake of it.

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thegreylady · 15/10/2017 23:07

We did something to wear, something to eat, something to read and something to play with as well as the present they really really wanted. One year dd had a new pony saddle and ds a Swiss Army knife as main presents. Both were delighted.

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LeavesinAutumn · 15/10/2017 23:09

Op you may get your dd one gift or a gift hundred you can't control how her brain process that.
In any family that does Xmas days out, usual gingerbread baking, craft, maybe panto, and all that jazz Xmas will be about all that jazz and presents. I guess what I'm struggling with is your logic.

When did Xmas get so heavy! In rl never come across this sort of thing. I know some people go wild, we see extreme piles of presents but I think most people would do sensible amounts.

What's meaningful again is down to your dd. Your dd for instance may be coveting a fingerling. Yearning for it it's what she would want... That means something to her. Don't get me wrong, making gifts etc is lovely and special and I have to a very Martin Lewis approach to, Xmas.. But why does it have to be a teaching day.

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Boulshired · 15/10/2017 23:13

I do think people set themselves up (myself included) with a pile of presents when DCs are young as many are cheap and then struggle as they get older and their one must have is more expensive than the generous pile of yesteryear. If I could go back I would lower the expectations.

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LeavesinAutumn · 15/10/2017 23:14

Titty, you say dd is fine with it and I don't doubt that at all. But dc are usually fine with what's normal to them.
I could give my dc an orange and some coal in the sack with a bible and whittling tool.
That would be fine for them and normal for them so they would be fine with it.
So saying she is fine with it means nothing really.

She may meet man whose family do Xmas and she will experience a totally new and different way of doing it, she may get spoiled and see other dc delighting in gifts and wonder why her dp didn't make more effort to do Xmas.. For her... You say, I was never on it for my own reasons.. And you were fine with it and she may say, yes because I didn't know any different.

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IncyWincyGrownUp · 15/10/2017 23:17

I’m buying fewer things this year. The things that bring them joy aren’t as thick in the ground. Books, skulls, retro games, boots, a Fitbit. Between the three of them they’ll do well butnimnway beyond the point of buying for the sake of it. It’s taken years to get to this point and I find it quite liberating.

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Ohyesiam · 15/10/2017 23:18

Went does it have to be a teaching day? It's not it's a learning day, like every other moment of life.

I guess it depends on the kid, but for me clothes and books have always been my Best presents.

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sirfredfredgeorge · 15/10/2017 23:19

Collienova Well you still buy the presents from FC, indeed some families only give presents from FC, so if you get them dozens or big, or lots or whatever of presents from FC. A limit but ignoring the FC ones is not really a limit is it?

A christmas about spending time together and sharing gifts does not come about rules for gift giving. That's not meaningful - fortunately all my needs are met (and if they weren't and money could meet them, we wouldn't be buying any of the other things anyway) so a gift that substitutes that need would not be meaningful.

But actually, I just meant that you appearred to write it as if gifts from FC weren't from you, and I wondered if you were genuinely confused.

Not buying many gifts is a good option, not buying many gifts because you have a weird rule is not, what if you find two truly meaningful and ideal christmas jumpers that would make ideal loved gifts for your partner, and no books at all would you really not get them one of the awesome jumpers and instead some book he'd only be meh about?