To think this customer assistant was trying to prove a point in front of everyone?

[evergreenwools]

Disclaimer: I may very well be being unreasonable. I am very hormonal and heavily pregnant.

DS is 4 and a bloody pain in the arse lately. He is at nursery for 15 hours a week and it's not long enough and he is driving me mad around the house tbh. I'm knackered. Anyway...

Was in local supermarket (small one) and girl on till saw my son asking for gum, I said to DS that he can't have any (I don't trust him with it) and said to him that she won't scan it for you and when he said that she will, she just smiled at him. Not helpful really. He really plays up on good attention. I know that's not her problem though.

I paid for the other stuff and went to leave it was busy and just embarrassing. He opened the packet on the way out, I went to a self scan to pay for it so less attention and she looked over and I said that he had opened it to lessen the attention and judgment from her and others as I assume they assumed that I was giving in.

She said oh don't worry you don't need to buy it. Then everyone was looking at this point and was thinking how nice of her that was and then my son screamed on the floor because he thought he wasn't getting it so I ended up saying don't worry and bought it. She then very loudly went "oh okay" and didn't seem very happy then the next person went over to her and said "she clearly just wanted to buy it for her son" and I bet they all spoke about me.

Fuming.

[NeedingSolutions]

You need to stop giving on to your DS like that op, or you'll make a rod for your own back.

[PatMullins]

Fuming? Really?

[kaytee87]

Erm so she smiled at your son then said don't worry you don't have to buy it after your son opened it (making it unsellable). It sounds like she was quite nice. Am I totally missing something?
If anything the other customer was a bit rude but not the sales assistant.

[sparepantsandtoothbrush]

you told her not to scan it for your son and then said you didn't need to buy it just because he'd opened it?? If I've got that right then she didn't do anything wrong

[TheSparrowhawk]

So, she tried to help you and you acted the arse?

[Ribrabrob]

I'm a bit confused as to what happened, sorry!

[evergreenwools]

I'm just fuming that everyone then spoke about me. I don't normally give in to him but like I say I'm heavily pregnant and just wanted to get home.

[JeReviens]

'Fuming'

[evergreenwools]

How did I act as an arse?

[RebootYourEngine]

Sounds like she was trying to help you by telling you that you didnt need to buy it even though your ds had opened it.

You told your ds that he wasnt getting something & then bought it for him & wonder why he behaves the way he does. He is confused.

[ShatnersBassoon]

It sounds like she was sensibly trying to get you out of the shop quickly. If anyone stared at you or spoke about you, it's not her fault

[PeteAndManu]

I read it as the assistant trying to be nice and not really understanding children or how to react to them. However, you brought her into it by saying she wouldn’t scan it for him -I think my reaction might have been the same. What did you want her to do or say? Don’t refer to someone else to back you up -say no using your own authority. Forget about it - it really isn’t that big a thing. It can be hard towards the end so try to go easy on yourself.

[FuzzyCustard]

Sorry, am I missing something? You didn't pay for the gum and your son took it and opened it anyway?

[soapboxqueen]

Unless I'm missing something, she sounded helpful.

[PatMullins]

your parenting really isn’t her problem, OP.

You said yourself your son screamed on the floor so you gave in.

[liz70]

You give a 4 year old chewing/bubble gum?

[kaytee87]

By 'everyone spoke about you' do you mean the one comment from the other customer? If so, why are you annoyed at the assistant?

[BluthsFrozenBananas]

I bet they didn't all talk about you. One person made a judgy comment which you heard, that's all.

[TheSparrowhawk]

Well not the arse exactly. But you said something patently not true (that she wouldn't scan it - saying no should be enough, you're his parent - and then when she really tried to help you you not to give in you just went ahead and bought it anyway. Who cares if people were talking about you??? Are you 12? You should be more concerned about actually parenting your child!

[PatMullins]

At least you weren’t fumming.

[verystressedmum]

Most people don’t start talking to each other about other people in a queue in a shop. They probably didn’t either care or notice what you and your ds were doing.
I’m not sure what the shop assistant did wrong though?

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

and said to him that she won't scan it for you and when he said that she will, she just smiled at him. Not helpful really. He really plays up on good attention. I know that's not her problem though

What on earth were you expecting her to do? Get into an argument with a stroppy 4 year old?

As for the rest of your post, I'm struggling to see the issue.

[Acadia]

I don't understand the story.

Don't buy your four year old gum, for god's sake, what's wrong with you? Little kids and gum? Also if he's 'naughty' then why is he getting sweets? Especially ones you told him he couldn't have?

Why did you tell him he could not have gum 'because she won't scan it'? She doesn't exist to be your 'bad guy' because you're not brave enough to say "You cannot have gum because it is not safe for young children/because it's not a mealtime/because I said so." You're just teaching him that you're 'the good guy' and everything is someone else's fault. No wonder he's 'naughty'.

A bit less 'fuming' and a bit more discipline, because he's going to turn into an utter spoilt brat.

[MinervaSaidThar]

OP, it sounds like it's all getting a bit much for you. Do you have enough support, from a oartner, family, etc?

I think you know you're BU, The assistant did nothing wrong, you're annoyed because she smiled at your son and told you don't have to oay for the gum. I think she is a focus for your stress.