To think this is an awful idea?

[Darknessinthevalley]

My mum is 50 soon, a couple years yet but apparently we need to plan ahead. All told, there's 5 children, four with parents, and four grandchildren (currently, watch this space!) to consider. I'm a teacher as is my husband.
My sister wants us all to do a fortnight in a villa somewhere. She is outraged that I think this is a really bad idea. I've already been told I have to 'compromise' on my term dates.
Frankly, my family don't get along. We love each other and for short bursts we're fine, but two weeks? I can just see fights. Also, both my brothers have very little disposable income, and I don't want them overstretching themselves, I know they couldn't afford this.
I really want my mum to have a special birthday, of course, but a nice weekend away locally (UK), or a super fancy meal would be better and more manageable for all of us. I'm not sure where to go from here. AIBU to think this is silly?

[19lottie82]

Lol @ "compromising on your term dates"

[Stompythedinosaur]

It sounds like hell on earth.

How exactly is your sis expecting you to compromise on term dates?

I would say maybe a weekend somewhere, if your mum is really keen.

[NoKidsTwoCats]

Does she not realise that 'compromising' on your term dates isn't really an option?! She sounds like a nightmare.

[CaoNiMartacus]

"I'm not sure where to go from here."

You go: "Eff off, Sis."

[Darknessinthevalley]

Ugh! Partners, four of us have partners.
Mum isn't massively fussed. I'm sure she'd love the idyllic week my sister is picturing, but with the reality she is happy with a meal and a party.

[Butterymuffin]

Two weeks? Even the Queen doesn't get a two week holiday for a big birthday! Just tell your sister no, you can't budget for that in terms of time or money. Maybe a long weekend (in school holiday time)?

[Allthewaves]

Go for a meal

[TwitterQueen1]

Two weeks is ridiculous! No way on earth would I go to something like that. An overnight stay, yes, but that's it. Too much money, too much time and no doubt huge family fallings out too.

[gunsandbanjos]

That sounds hideous!
If you knew you'd all get along and it was only maybe a week max it might be ok.
But no, definitely not, I'd be quite up front and say no it's not going to work for you.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Crazy stuff.

What might work better is if you book somewhere for a week, maybe 10 days, and different people come for different sections of it, as possible for each of you, rather than all trying to go for all of it.

My best friend did something like this for her 50th - booked a big house, and friends came for a few days, family came for other days, other friends came for different days - we all paid a per head per night rate, worked out according to how many people were coming overall and it worked out pretty well. Also, none of us were there long enough to get on each others' nerves!

Bit harder when it's ALL family, I suppose - but if it's so difficult for anyone to get time off then a weekend holiday home would be a lot cheaper, and much easier for you and your DH. No need to go too far! Also it would be cheaper for your brothers, even if it doesn't fit your sister's grandiose views.

[AtSea1979]

Your sister sounds nuts. Book a nice meal or at a push a weekend away or if she wanted wider family there then a party. Shouldn't your mum be organising this herself?

[HouseworkIsAPain]

If I were turning 50, I'd think this idea hell on earth. Two weeks with people who would;t be guaranteed to get on, small children to work around and entertain and who won't have their home comforts (toys, safe garden etc).

Has your sister even considered this from her mums perspective? Or has she assumed tat because she is a mum, she would like nothing better than spending two weeks with an entire extended family. There is guaranteed to be bickering about who does what on a family holiday like this, especially with a sibling that's arranged it all without a thought to what works for the majority (you can flex term dates?!?)

[Motoko]

Surely your sister will be outvoted if your brothers don't have much money. A weekend in a house in the UK would be much more affordable as you can split the cost of the house, and travel costs will be cheaper.

As you say, two weeks is far too long. Speak to your brothers to see if they agree with you, then you can put up a united front.

[mumblechum0]

Has no one actually asked your mum what she wants to do?

Speaking as a over 50 year old, my DH booked a surprise long weekend in a lovely Four Seasons hotel in Istanbul for my 50th. Wouldnt she prefer something like that, with maybe a family meal before or after?

[expatinscotland]

This makes me feel old . Your mum is still a couple of years off 50 and already has all adult children and 5 grandchildren?! Holy shit, I'm 46 and have an 8-year-old.

Your sister's batshit. You tell her, "NO. I can't compromise term dates and I can't do a week away. It's years away. Meal and night out is as much as we can manage,' and repeat ad nauseum.

[CatsOclock]

I have people like your sister in my family too. One of them also wanted to do something like this to celebrate special birthdays that were coming up. From memory, I think she gave us all 3 years notice, you know, so we could all save! The first time it was mentioned, we were surprised so just said our usual, neutral response (to buy time). The second time, we said it straight, "That sounds like a nightmare". Needless-to-say, it never happened.

I honest don't know why some people can't see things like this for what they really are. Is it naivety? Entitlement? I don't know.

I would just be honest about it. Less is more! Your idea sounds much better for everyone.

[BewareOfDragons]

Your sister doesn't get to unilaterally decide how everyone is going to spend their holiday time and money. Repeat to yourself and to her as necessary.

You don't have to go, even if everyone else decides to give in and do it. You don't have to. That won't make you the 'bad guy', it will make you the one doing what's right for you and your family.

[Darknessinthevalley]

With regards to what mum wants, I don't know. I think she'd like a weekend maybe, that we could all come to as much of as possible, she's very relaxed.
Although I suspect she'd love a romantic weekend away, but as she is currently divorcing my step dad I can't see that happening.
With regards to my brothers, they have learning difficulties and would just spend the money and get into debt if they were told they'd have to be there. I wouldn't be able to assist really as I'm further away.

[PoundsShillingsPence]

Terrible idea!!!

I turned 50 a few weeks ago and it was quite low key, lovely weekend away in Venice with DH. The thought of being stuck in a villa with warring family makes my blood run cold!!!!

[sobeyondthehills]

For my mum's big birthday, we are paying for her to go on holiday, my family is like yours, love them in short bursts, we have been planning and saving for a few years for this though.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Can you ask your mum directly what she wants and explain all this to her? Surely she wouldn't want your sister bullying your brothers into doing what she says and getting into debt over it?

[paxillin]

Go for a nice meal. Present her with a holiday (for her, without an entourage of 15).

[pasturesgreen]

Jesus Christ, no!! Dreadful idea! Unlike to come into fruition, though, thank God! Your DSis will realise it's a logistical nightmare as soon as she tries to coordinate the conflicting schedules of 5 adult siblings plus partners/children.

Also sounds horribly claustrophobic. Is it something that your DM would even like?

[Miserylovescompany2]

Have you ever looked at the national trust holiday rentals? They have some massive properties in some really beautiful places...(some quite quirky properties as well like light houses)

Two weeks abroad sounds like a recipe for disaster tbh!

[woundedbutwalking]

Have experience of this- my recommendation- don’t do it 😂

I’m certain your mum will appreciate a thoughtful gift & everyone getting together for a meal or a party, but she’d probably be upset about her kids being put under financial strain or arguing over her birthday. Also would you be expected to pay for her holiday? If not then she might have something to say about it too!!