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AIBU? Always feel like the scapegoat

(14 Posts)
Chocolatteandbiscuits Sat 01-Jul-17 12:49:26

So this goes back to last weekend. I'll try keep this as brief as possible.

My LB was at his dad's last weekend. My parents had told me not to make any plans so they could come over help me do a few things with my new home. I agreed. I'd asked what time they would be over no specific answer. They have done this on numerous occasions and never given a time. If they have come round and in not here they always bring a key as they have a spare to mine.
Anyway the pharmacy called and said my sons medicine and milk were ready. My LB dad called and said he had run out of milk and needed the medicine. They were heading out at 11am so I quickly ran it over to them. Took 30 mins max. As I'm on my way my dad drives past so I call and say I'll be half hour max. I get back he's not there so I text and he says he's not coming back to do anything. He lives 10 mins from mine. So I sat in all weekend on my own with no plans feeling even more lonely than normal. I got all the blame, not even partly their fault. I said ok I should have said I was going out for half hour but you should of said what time you were coming over. Nope still all my fault.
Just been to my parents to drop something off. My mum goes off on me big time saying I should give my dad an apology. Again I said I think it's half and half and I've said my sorry. She told me to leave. I'm so upset. I was in a good mood before this and now I feel so so low. I don't have many friends or a partner. They know how lonely I am but still continue to make me feel this way. They won't let it go. AIBU??

Chloe84 Sat 01-Jul-17 12:52:29

Ugh, they sound awful. Get your key back.

Set firm boundaries, and refuse to make plans with them unless they confirm day and time. If they don't stick to the time, don't open your door.

Pengggwn Sat 01-Jul-17 12:56:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HughLauriesStubble Sat 01-Jul-17 13:01:37

Are they always such flouncers? Is it a control thing do you think? Your mum asking you to leave smacks of self important princessing. Stand up for yourself and tell them in future that you cannot be expected to wait in all day for them and then distance yourself from their reins.

Chocolatteandbiscuits Sat 01-Jul-17 13:06:16

Sorry I forgot to mention that this time my dad forgot to bring a key.
I've had counselling in the past to do with my upbringing and my mums narcissist ways. So yes in the past I have taken their rubbish.
But now I'm older and have a child of my own I'm trying to stand up for myself but they've confused my head and I'm thinking am I in the wrong here? Even though I admitted half of the blame.
On other weekends that I don't have my son I've made plans as like I say I got lonely so like I go do a hobby. But they don't give me a time so expect me to have my entire day free or fit myself around them. Instead of mutually agreeing a time!

Rossigigi Sat 01-Jul-17 13:28:23

You have nothing to apologise for, you mum sounds like mine- we've been nc for almost a year now and my anxiety has dropped so much!

Chloe84 Sat 01-Jul-17 16:02:32

You need a mantra OP - don't make plans with them unless they agree a fixed date and time.

Chocolatteandbiscuits Sat 01-Jul-17 18:31:52

rossi really?? I'm a bit scared to go no contact as I've depended on them a lot but I think my mum wanted me to depend on them. I think she liked having control over two people.
Thanks chloe
Saw my sister earlier. She doesn't want to get involved with the arguement even though she knows what our mum is like. Still feeling quite upset about it all

Chocolatteandbiscuits Mon 03-Jul-17 07:26:06

Update..... I got a phone call from my dad yesterday. Not apologising but said let's not argue anymore. Which I think was fair enough. My dad is reasonable and let's things go easily like me. Whereas my mum likes to argue hold grudges. But I saw them yesterday and all seemed ok.

Thanks for your advice. Wonder how long it will be until my mum disagrees with something else.

Chocolatteandbiscuits Mon 03-Jul-17 07:26:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ahickiefromkinickie Mon 03-Jul-17 10:58:14

Don't be at their beck and call, OP.

If they don't agree a date and time, assume you have no plans with them and go out with your DS.

It's the only way your parents will learn.

Did they say 'let's not argue anymore' because you didn't run around after them for once?

Justhadmyhaircut Mon 03-Jul-17 11:00:29

Regain some control of your life and get the key back. . They can be invited guests not take the piss key holders. .

BalthazarsBellyButton Mon 03-Jul-17 11:15:46

Would it maybe to take charge and give them set times you're available?

Don't ask them when they'll arrive, instead say "ok, I'll be home after 12, look forward to seeing you".

That way you can still make plans for your hobby etc and they can't say you haven't made the time to see them. It has to be a suitable time for both of you, not just their way.

BalthazarsBellyButton Mon 03-Jul-17 11:19:14

*Maybe help

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