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AIBU?

to think that there are not many happy couples out there

137 replies

helpmesusan · 24/04/2017 23:20

Just that really.

I am not in a good place with my DP right now, and everybody I speak to seems to be the same.

I always said I wouldn't be part of a couple who spent their times niggling and fighting in supermarket car parks - not only do I feel like we have turned in to that, but I haven't spoken to anybody in AGES who tells me their relationship is any different.

Please tell me IABU and there ARE happy couples out there?

OP posts:

Report

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 24/04/2017 23:22

I won't lie and say we don't argue... but DP and I are happy. Not in a nauseating way.

LemonSqueezy0 · 24/04/2017 23:23

My previous relationships were like you've said - absolutely soul destroying and a waste of my life. My current relationship is the complete opposite. As well as being in love, we respect each other, we enjoy each other's company, and we actually like each other. It's made the world of difference to my life and how I view relationships.

helpmesusan · 24/04/2017 23:24

Yay! More please :-)

OP posts:

WhatsGoingOnEh · 24/04/2017 23:24

I'm happy! But relationships especially with small kids (do you have kids?) are hard work sometimes.

I try every day to detach. If I let myself, I get all over-invested in my DH: his opinions, actions, thoughts, and then I start to niggle.

If I step back, we're both happier.

What's getting to you at the moment? And then - probably WAY more productively - what do you love about your DH? What made you choose him over everyone else?

Moanyoldcow · 24/04/2017 23:25

My DH and I have been together nearly 12 years and are very happy. I'm good friends with at least 6 other couples who have been together varying lengths of time and they are happy too.

Only 1 divorce in my circle and I'm heading towards 40.

I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult patch. We've had our moments but honestly, we're happy as it's possible to be although I'd like to not be fat!.

KoolKoala07 · 24/04/2017 23:25

We have our ups and downs but me and Dh are very happy.

Wedrine4me · 24/04/2017 23:25

We bicker but we don't really have proper arguments. We rub along nicely.

GraceGrape · 24/04/2017 23:26

Do you have young children? I have found they put a bit of a strain on my relationship!

Chasingsquirrels · 24/04/2017 23:26

I assume most couples are happy.
DH and I certainly were and I think most of my friends are.

Chasingsquirrels · 24/04/2017 23:27

But yes, the younger children stave was hard.

HuntingSquirrels · 24/04/2017 23:27

I'm very happy with DH. We have been together 9 years and married 7. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we have argued. He is my best friend and I am his. I feel very secure with him. I have had a bad bad marriage, so I know the flip side.

Chasingsquirrels · 24/04/2017 23:27

STAGE

helpmesusan · 24/04/2017 23:27

Well already you have restored my faith :-)

OP posts:

BroomstickOfLove · 24/04/2017 23:28

We have phases of niggly fighting, especially when stressed and tired, and phases of loved-up bliss and most of the time it's a bit of both and we chat a bit, irritate each other a bit, make each other cups of tea, snap at each other a bit and then dance in the kitchen together and laugh until we hurt. I'm pretty happy with that.

BroomstickOfLove · 24/04/2017 23:30

We've been together for 21 years.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2017 23:30

I'm really happy with my DH after 16 years together.

Then again, I dated him briefly when we were teenagers and he's always been my brother's best friend.

My previous marriage however was just awful, but that just made me set the bar much much higher.

Hastalapasta · 24/04/2017 23:30

I am in a great relationship! Knackered, but happy. Think he is too

RedLemonade · 24/04/2017 23:31

WhatsGoing that's a really thought-provoking post. "Detaching" is something I need to do more of.

OP, DH and I are coming to the end of building a house and we have a two year old and a fairly poorly sleeping baby. It's the toughest time we've had so far and we do snipe a lot at the moment. But I hold on to the good stuff and expect that things will get better.

helpmesusan · 24/04/2017 23:32

squirrels, I assumed that too, until recently.

We are really struggling. Combo of mis-matched sex drives and DP's controlling / angry behaviour is adding to the usual work / domestic pressure.

Plus maybe I have been on MN too much, reading about awful relationship breakdowns, men leaving women and children in terribly vulnerable situations, lies, illicit viagra, shagging of colleagues or worse, arguments over contact, maintenance, money, politics. Sorry I should go to bed!

OP posts:

Pallisers · 24/04/2017 23:32

25 years married and really kind to each other nearly all of the time. Sometimes we do argue and we have had some humdingers of fights but we get over them. I feel completely part of a team with him. We have a good laugh together too. My sister is happily married for longer than me. Most of my friends are in pretty happy relationships and the one friend whose husband was miserable just finalised her divorce. Most of us married relatively late (late 20s - except, now that I think of it, divorced friend but that is probably coincidence) and were fairly sure of who we were and had high expectations of how we should be treated.

The young children stage is really really hard. An old boss described it to me as a bomb going off in your marriage (didn't understand until I had them myself). It is helpful if you can both resolve to be kind to each other and - crucially - to presume the best of the other person where possible.

Floralnomad · 24/04/2017 23:32

We've been together since 1985 and married for 27 yrs and we are happy , don't really argue about anything either ( nothing to argue about) .

MarcelineTheVampire · 24/04/2017 23:33

My DP and I are really happy- oh don't get me wrong, we argue, we cry and get bored to death at times- small children will do that to you but we love and laugh in huge proportions.

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readyforno2 · 24/04/2017 23:33

I'm in a happy relationship. Don't get me wrong, we sometimes fight (verbally) like cat and dog.
I'm really missing him just now, he works offshore and has been away since the 28th March.
We've been together 13 years, married for 2.

helpmesusan · 24/04/2017 23:34

Whatsgoing and red lemonade, yes I think maybe we need to actively control our thinking about each other and not get sucked in to a vortex.

DP is pretty needy and I am opposite, maybe too self sufficient sometimes.

OP posts:

Raisinsaretoddlercrack · 24/04/2017 23:36

WhatsGoingOnEh's post is why we need a like button on Mumsnet

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