To ask you to cheer me up with your emabarrasing hospital stories

[WinkyisbackontheButterBeer]

I had a general anaesthetic for minor surgery yesterday. I was fine about it. Really calm and chilled.
The Anaesthesiologist came to talk to me. Ding dong!!! very beautiful young man! lucky me.
Off I go into theatre and as I clamber up onto the bed I realised that I needed to fart. No problem, I am a pro at holding them in.
He gives me the drugs and I begin to nod off.
The last thing I remember before slipping into unconsciousness is the most enormous fart noise reverberating around the theatre.

To add to the humiliation, for some reason I woke up sobbing. Not pretty, feminine crying. Oh no! Great, big, ugly, snot bubbled sobs.

Make me feel better please

[MrsExpo]

Years ago I worked at a large local hospital and was socially friendly with a lot of the medical staff. There was one guy in particular that I quite fancied. He was a gynaecologist registrar but had a gf (I was single at the time!) so I didn't pursue it IYSWIM! Anyhow, I needed to see a gynaecologist following a visit to my GP, so, knowing a lot of the gynae staff at "my" hospital, I asked for a referral to the other big hospital in our city. I turned up for my appointment, was waiting to be examined and who should walk in .... you guessed correctly!!! Horrified, I asked what he was doing there, to be told he was doing a locum week for a colleague who was on holiday!!! Argh!!!

[Littlecaf]

One of my 'mummy friends' hubby is the on call consultant at our local maternity unit. I think he's stitched at least 4 of us up after giving birth & examined the rest. Makes for interesting kids birthday parties. 😂

[Willwe]

I woke from a general anesthetic and cried because I couldn't see one of my feet when it was tucked under the blanket. I thought they'd amputated it.

[tissuesosoft]

I have two! The first one was about 3 years ago and having injections into sacroiliac joints so was laying on my front. Was high on the sedative iv I had. The techinician (male) said he was going to pull down my (paper) kickers so they could start. I replied 'usually you'd have to buy me a drink first at least', then I drifted off.
The second was in theatre before c section. I thought I did enough of a job preparing my pubic area for the catheter. The theatre nurse said she needed to shave more off. I was again abit loopy on the meds and told her 'oh don't worry, DP doesn't mind a bush.' Cringe as DP was sitting next to me and I was having a spinal block so was awake for the whole thing

[PlayOnWurtz]

Sedated for a gastroscopy (camera down the throat) despite emptying my bladder before hand came to to find my trousers soaking wet. Bloody gag reflex.

[Claireshh]

Winky that is hilarious! 😂

I had a bikini wax the day before my second child was being born via planned c section. I had a really bad reaction to the wax. Basically it looked like my skin had been ripped/burned off. Agony and mortifying in equal measure! 🙈

[Glitteryfrog]

Morphine makes me behave in a really chatty pissed way.
I spent half an hour chatting shite at a very junior student nurse who was keeping me company while waiting for the morphine to kick in to have a drain removed.

[arsenalwatford]

Had to have an ultrasound about 6 weeks post DD due to some retained placenta. Dr invited me behind curtain, turned round to switch on machine etc so I busied myself stripping off lower half. Dr turned round, paused, and said politely 'we'll try an external scan first'.

[MusicalChairsOh]

I farted in the midwifes face whilst she was stitching up my episiotomy :( what made it worse was that she had come on shift not long before and that was her first job so we hadn't even 'bonded' throughout the birthing process. I hate thinking back to that moment.

[WinkyisbackontheButterBeer]

Oh I love you all! You are making me feel better.
I'm meant to go back to see the surgeon for a post op check in six weeks though 🙈

[CaptainCallisto]

I have a chuffing great big hole in my diaphragm which means I'm very susceptible to chest infections/pneumonia because I can't cough properly to clear my chest. My consultant when I was about 15 had me in every six weeks for a chest x-ray to try and head off any nasties, so I was pretty comfortable with the whole thing and got to know the staff.

Went by myself once, after a netball match, so was wearing one of those huge shock absorbers over my bra. Nipped around the back of the curtain to strip to the waist and got the shock absorber hooks caught in the hooks of my normal sports bra, whilst the shock absorber was half over my head. I couldn't get it off or back on, I was totally stuck with my boobs hanging out and my arms over my head

Luckily the lovely radiologist answered my muffled cries for help! She never let e forget it either

[allegretto]

This didn't actually happen in hospital but I was walking around the supermarket and saw a man I recognised, probably one of the parents from school I thought, and said hello etc. Then it dawned on me that actually he was the male nurse who had brought me my bed pans when I was in traction in hospital!

[goose1964]

Being taken down to delivery from ante natal ,I felt a pop and my waters went, all over reception

[MOIST]

I told an anaesthetist I loved him and would marry him if he stopped me dying.

He had given me some bloody good drugs just before so it was his own fault.

[cafenoirbiscuit]

DH was in hospital for 3 weeks for IVs for meningitis. He was starting to feel better so we 'adjourned' to his bathroom to check whether certain parts still worked
Just at the crucial moment we managed to pull the emergency call bell. Enter 2 nurses to check he was ok.
Not our finest moment.

[lemondropcake]

After my appendix op I had terrible trouble moving my bowels. The nurse came in and gave me an enema. When I turned round and pulled my knees up for her to insert it, I felt something go up the wrong hole!!

I didn't question it and found it quite strange. It obviously fell out.
I had a quiet word with another nurse and asked if this was normal. She was gobsmacked. I got another enema and that sorted it out 😂

[PatMullins]

cafe

[OnceYouAreReal]

I cry after any type of anaesthetic. I usually ask for my sister but after the last one I kept asking for Zach. I don't know anyone called Zach... But I had binge watched Chuck whilst ill waiting for surgery and had a little crush on Zachary Levi at the time.

I had to lie and say Zach was my childhood dog who I wanted for comfort...

[Inthebathtub]

Whilst assisting with a sick horse at work said horse managed to knock me over right into the bed, the bit she'd just peed on actually, then managed to stand on my ankle and refuse to move.
Much swearing later I turn up at a&e with impossibly tight boot (didn't take it off until we got to the hospital) and after a full day mucking out, grooming and then a lie down on pee soaked shavings I smelt amazing..... And looked pretty much the same.
I will always applaud the utterly gorgeous doctor who examined said ankle after a full day in disgusting boots, with soaking wet socks and pee stained jeans rolled up to my knee - and unshaven legs..... Luckily no bones were damaged, my pride on the other hand.......

[Trumpton]

After the pre-med I was in a very happy place

1. Asked the porter where he lived and then said " Ah ! X born and X bred ,strong in the arm and weak in the head " and laughed at my own wit
   
2. And then said " Well my DH never takes me out so I am going to the theatre by myself " and continued to witter and chortle to myself .
   

It was good stuff !

[CaptainCallisto]

DH has just reminded me that I also had a moment after I was given diazepam when I'd dislocated my jaw. I've never felt so out of it!

Me: I feel all wibbly wobbly timey wimey...
Doc: That's probably the diazepam kicking in
Me: ...and you're a doctor. Are you the Doctor? Because let me tell you, you're looking pretty good for 956.

Apparently I went on in this vein for quite some time...

[DontFeedTheTrolls]

While recovering from hysterectomy I toddled off to the loo, whilst attempting to wee I fainted. This was pretty embarrassing as had to be helped by a nurse but not overly bad as did manage to stay on the loo. But as she was aiding me back to the safety of my bed, I again felt faint, nurse calls for assistance. At this point I'm in the middle of the ward. 5 or six other nurses rush to my aid and as I am in the process of falling I let out the loudest, longest fart. I'm aware of this but can do nothing to stop it. Oh my god, it stank . I'm just glad it wasn't visiting hours as I think I also exposed my big shiny ass to the ward 😂

[OhTheRoses]

I had to have my spine xrayed after a serious fall/injury. Had a chat about underwear and wires, etc, and any other metal, etc. I answered in the negative. There was a problem, an obstruction. They brought in the senior radiographer, asked me quizzically if I had a belly button piercing or something and said they hadn't thought so.

It was my work lanyard, that little metal bit. I had just forgotten. They had to do the xrays again. I was beyond remorse that my stupidity had cost the NHS money.