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To think dh ex is taking the piss.

(27 Posts)
LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:05:18

So we told dh's ex about our family holiday all the way back in early January. It is something that we saved for a while and due to the size of the family 5 dc it is very expensive.

She now has said she has booked a holiday and this overlaps with our holiday. She said that she could find no other dates to go and that this was the only time she could go and that she is taken dss (16). Dh is really angry at her for doing this and putting the question of what holiday dss wants to go on. This is part of a number of problems that she has caused trying to cause conflict. She told dss that he should call her new partner dad.

Another issue is that she does not take any interest in her sons behaviour or schooling. My two of my dc are in the same year at school and he had no one turn up on parents evening when his mum said to dh she was going to go. Dh was more than willing to attend but she said that she would go and report back to him. She doesn't stick to discipline with us and when dss does something bad like steal money off me and my dc she doesn't treat it seriously.

She does not work as dh supports her and fair enough she is the mother of his child but it's getting to the point where we are thinking of not paying her so much. We pay way beyond what the child mantainance is and we get it all thrown back in our face when she books a holiday the same time.

She tries to turn dss against dh by saying things like he was having an affair with me (complete lie).

She demanded that that dh should leave me alone when my son was in hospital and drive dss to her as part of arrangements. When she lives a mile down the road from us.

But the holiday thing is really taking the puss aibu.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:14:08


TheNaze73 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:25:36

You can't reason with batshit & she sounds exactly that. Don't mess with the maintenance though, it'll be the child that misses out.
Sounds like she knows that the the maintenance game will be up soon & she'll have no control.
Grin & bare it. Keep your council & be the bigger people

xStefx Tue 07-Mar-17 14:29:02

Yep, you cant reason with a crazy cow. Your better off just letting it go by without care in the world. She wanted a reaction and she got one. He is 16 anyway, you wont have to worry about her for much longer.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:30:21

She isn't batshit though she knows what she's doing.

rollmeover Tue 07-Mar-17 14:30:35

Is your holiday first? If so I would just take him. Your DH needs to take responsibility for the school stuff himself.
If the parenting is this poor why doesn't DSS stay with you for more overnights? He's 16 so presumably he can decide for himself. Also if he is 16 she needs to be aware that he won't be a dependant for much longer and that maintenance will be reducing at some point in near future.

xStefx Tue 07-Mar-17 14:38:02

she is batshit for wanting to put you out so much :-)

Don't worry about it, it sucks but soon enough your DS will be 18 and the only time you'll have to see her or speak to her is at possibly at life events.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:39:04

The poor parenting is regarding dss behaviour in that she doesn't punish him.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:40:42

Is your holiday first? If so I would just take him.

She has said he wants to go with her instead of our holiday apparently.

rollmeover Tue 07-Mar-17 14:43:38

Ask him what he wants - he's 16. Don't put pressure on him but explain the situation and leave it up to him. Or just tell her tough he's coming with you.
Tell DSS he can stay with you as often as he wants (unless a court order exists).

Patriciathestripper1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:50:02

She's a cow and obviously enjoys causing conflict do don't let her.
Dh needs to take the reins and sort out school himself.
Tell crazy cow that when her son steals money from you it will be deducted from her maintenance. She will soon discipline him.
As for the holiday yes she is taking the piss but don't let it cause a problem. just cut your losses. It will probably be x nice break from Dss as who wants to holiday with a theif anyway?

Patriciathestripper1 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:51:27

A nice break (not x)

PollytheDolly Tue 07-Mar-17 14:55:34

Nice of her to consider her sons feelings hmm

You can't reason with the unreasonable unfortunately. Do not give her a reaction. Sad cow.

DianaMemorialJam Tue 07-Mar-17 14:57:37

No you're not bu. But your show needs to deal with the stealing and the school stuff.

DianaMemorialJam Tue 07-Mar-17 14:57:58

Show? Dh!

IamFriedSpam Tue 07-Mar-17 14:59:16

Errr yeah she does sound VU. AT least there are only 2 more years of this before he's an adult.

SomethingBorrowed Tue 07-Mar-17 15:12:45

She has said he wants to go with her instead of our holiday apparently
Your DH should talk with his DS directly! For all he knows, his ex might have told the DS that your DH doesn't want him there.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Tue 07-Mar-17 15:38:07

Your DH needs to ask him because you don't want the same situation as with parents evening. She could tell him his dad doesn't want him there and she can't afford to take him, so he has to stay at home. Social services probably wouldn't get involved at 16 and it would in her eyes poison his relationship with is father even more (I think she's either too short sighted to see what it would do to her relationship with her son or is banking on being able to emotionally manipulate him enough to see her side)

StrongerThanIThought76 Tue 07-Mar-17 16:08:27

Quick letter from a solicitor should sort out the holiday issue. If not a brief court visit should clarify whose request takes priority (yours, as it was notified to her first, plus you might be able to recoup costs).

Don't take any more crap, go to parents eve etc, request school keeps you informed of everything.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 18:26:37

Don't take any more crap, go to parents eve etc, request school keeps you informed of everything.

No I told dss to give the teachers his dads email.

The thing is it wouldn't surprise me if dss did say that as she is going to a lovely destination. But the point is that she has taken dss on holiday for the past two years. Dh has a right to take dss as well.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:19:44


Astoria7974 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:23:34

Have you booked your holiday? Can you move it/work around the ex's holiday? Tbh when I was 16 I would have preferred a holiday without my siblings too.

KC225 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:28:44

I agree talk your DSS directly and recognise he may have torn loyalties. I know it's a pain but as the holidays overlap, could DSS not go on both with flight/train transfer

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:56:47

The holiday has been booked. Flights are an option he would have to fly back to uk day before meaning he only would have 8 days with us out of 14.

LesSmiths1 Tue 07-Mar-17 20:10:54

Dh has spoken to her and she has said that she doesn't want dss to go on holiday with me since I falsely accused her son of stealing (I didn't).

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