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AIBU?

To think that 14 (barely) is too young to stay out all night in Soho?

115 replies

overprotective · 11/08/2016 12:50

DS, 14 at the end of July, wants to stay out all night queuing outside a shop he likes in Soho. In the past he's gotten up really early (5am) and taken the a train into town with friends to queue outside the shop. I'm fine with that but feel that overnight is too much.

He was trying to arrange a whole group of boys. Three are now allowed and plan to take the early train. One has gotten permission and one has been told he can do it but only if DS can do it. Now DS is angry because I'm 'ruining it for everyone' by saying no. I'm a bit cheesed off with the parents who put the responsibility for saying no onto me. Now DS feels responsible for whether that boy can go or not. I've offered to stay in a hotel in Soho and DS can come and sleep there then go back early but I don't think the friend would be allowed under those circumstances and it would be unfair for the one boy with permission to stand there on his own.

My concerns are:

They're very young.
The trains stop running overnight so at one point they would be unable to get home if something went wrong.
They will most likely spend their time playing Pokemon Go so their phones will die at some point overnight. Spoke to DS about this and he swears it wouldn't happen but I've heard that before.
They could be in a situation that they are too young to handle.
The nature of Soho overnight with it's bars, strip joints, etc.

I feel quite strongly that it's not appropriate but I'm feeling guilty right now and feeling the pressure. DH is no help. He's away on a business trip and I think he would be OK with it as he finds it hard to say no to the children. I'm always the bad cop. Usually that's fine but I hate that everyone (including the other parents) have shifted the responsibility onto me for this.

Help me mumsnetters! AIBU?

OP posts:

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overprotective · 11/08/2016 12:52

Sorry, three are NOT allowed.

OP posts:

LewisAndClark · 11/08/2016 12:53

Oh holy fuck no. No no no.

Put your foot down.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/08/2016 12:53

No way on earth would I have given permission for any of my ds's at 14 to stay out all night, be it London or a sleepy county town where we live.

MaudGonneMad · 11/08/2016 12:53

What's he queuing for?

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 11/08/2016 12:54

Not a chance.

What's so important he needs to camp outside a shop for?

welshweasel · 11/08/2016 12:54

No way. I think you're being very reasonable letting them get the early train.

overprotective · 11/08/2016 12:54

It's for a new release of clothes. Apparently there are long queues and it's a whole 'thing'. I even offered to go with them but of course that was not cool.

OP posts:

willowtreecottage · 11/08/2016 12:54

I'd say no. Just for now. By 15/16 yes.
Some 14 year olds are still very young...
They look it too. A bad mix.
It isn't fair to leave the decision with you.
All parents need to decide for themselves.

ScarletOverkill · 11/08/2016 12:56

It's a no from me too. I think the only way I would agree would be if a parent of one of the group was there to keep an eye on things

FleursDuMal · 11/08/2016 12:56

Well if it was my decision, I would say no, just too much unpredictability and worry about the situation for me personally. Could another adult or older teen spend the night with them? Yourself instead of staying in the hotel? I know it would be a buzzkill but that would be the only compromise I could make to let this go ahead.

overprotective · 11/08/2016 12:56

Thank you! I grew up in the States and didn't have independence until I could drive at 16 so I've had to adjust to all the independence that comes with public transport earlier. I don't want to be unreasonable but this just feels like too much too young.

OP posts:

Jodie1982 · 11/08/2016 12:58

No no no. Nope. Too young imo.

roundandroundthehouses · 11/08/2016 12:58

Another no from me, for all the reasons you list.

From my reading of your OP, it sounds like it was your ds who was the main organiser of this? If so, he doesn't have a leg to stand on with claims that you're 'ruining it for everyone'. He didn't ask you first, so it's his fault, getting people excited for a thing that wasn't actually possible.

overprotective · 11/08/2016 12:58

None of the boys have an older sibling who will do it. I did suggest that too.

OP posts:

Gowgirl · 11/08/2016 12:59

I am a really permissive cool parent normally I'm all for independence, but for the love of god no way should I allow this!

inlovewithhubby · 11/08/2016 12:59

You would be absolutely bonkers to allow him to do this. They are likely to be around all sorts of unsavoury adult activity which they are far too young to both witness and deal with. You know you aren't being unreasonable and your offer to stay with them in a hotel close by is a very gracious one. Why the other boy would be allowed to stay out all night alone but not be looked after in a hotel by a known responsible adult is beyond me - I'd question this as it sounds like an untruth by someone who wants a different outcome.

It's also awfully young to be buying into the crazy commercialised culture of queuing all night to buy a branded hoody. There are all sorts of conversations you can have around this from an educational perspective, without banning the activity itself. Good luck!

FleursDuMal · 11/08/2016 13:00

Oh just read that you offered to accompany them and not wanted, well then it's a solid no, not happening.

overprotective · 11/08/2016 13:00

Roundandround, exactly! I think he went in saying it was all going to happen to his friends and now he's losing face.

OP posts:

BigGreenOlives · 11/08/2016 13:01

So he wants to queue up somewhere like Supreme to buy new clothes? No. Not safe. He can buy on-line from one of their re-sellers.

overprotective · 11/08/2016 13:02

Inlove, the one boy who has full permission has parents who are incredibly irresponsible, verging on negligent. I knew he would be allowed. I just hope he doesn't continue to do it on his own.

OP posts:

sue51 · 11/08/2016 13:03

No way, far too young. It would be a tough luck son, maybe when you're 16 from me.

PixieMiss · 11/08/2016 13:03

Oh hell no!

14 is way too young and I agree that it is unfair of the other parent to put the spotlight on you!

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pigsDOfly · 11/08/2016 13:04

I was fairly liberal when DC were this sort of age: allowed my very sensible 14/15 year old DD to go to a club but her DB, 5 years older, was with her. I wouldn't have allowed her to go with just friends of her own age.

I think you're absolutely right to sick to your guns on this one, they're far too young. Sometimes being a parent means being mean and a killjoy but Soho overnight is not the place for such young boys to be by themselves.

ClubTropicanaDrinks · 11/08/2016 13:05

Central London is horribly scummy late at night - lots of drunk idiots and creepy predators - I wouldn't want to camp out in Soho and I'm 38!

bloodyteenagers · 11/08/2016 13:07

They won't be allowed to anyway. West end has a curfew. No under 16's without an adult after 9pm unless this has very recently been lifted.

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