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Ex trying to get me to write off my CSA/CMS arrears

(18 Posts)
TutanKaDashian Wed 06-Jul-16 07:11:49

Not really an AIBU, more of a rant to be honest.

I divorced my ex 8 years ago at the age of 25. Please don't have a go but I had never heard of a clean break order. We had no savings, property etc anyway.

So now, I have savings, a pension and am looking to purchase a property next year and want a clean break. He is point blank refusing to sign it unless I give up my CMS arrears (2k) and any ongoing payments they get out of him. Currently, he hasn't paid for four years and the case is with the disclosures team to identify a bank account to try and get some money. Then it would on to court.

So, yesterday, I saw my solicitor (£99 for 45 mins). She is going to write to him (£225 + VAT), then if that goes smoothly, another £500 for the clean break. If not, it could be up to £3k each shockshock

I'm so worried. What should I do? Should I just write off the arrears even though it's my son's money? Should I wait and see what the CMS come up with? My head is all over the place because of this bastard and I'm angry that he's going to take a chunk of the money DP and I have been scrimping and saving for our own home.

Zuccarelli Wed 06-Jul-16 10:43:06

What a shit he is! I have no idea of the legalities but my instinct would be to protect my future if I were you. I'm unsure but could you get the clean break order signed then start a new claim? I know you would lose the 2k but you could lose a lot more in the future if you don't get the clean break. Sorry, not much help I know!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Wed 06-Jul-16 10:49:12

He is point blank refusing to sign it unless I give up my CMS arrears (2k) and any ongoing payments they get out of him

Hang on, so he wants to not pay anything in the future? that's ludicrous.

If it were just the arrears I'd probably do it.

trafalgargal Wed 06-Jul-16 13:24:37

I don't think you can legally refute future child support claims. Arrears yes Future claims no.

TutanKaDashian Wed 06-Jul-16 17:35:34


DelphiniumBlue Wed 06-Jul-16 17:46:31

Not quite sure what you mean by a clean break order - isn't this irrelevant if you had no property or assets together? A clean break order usually relates to the matrimonial home and assets, eg pensions, savings etc. What is it that you are asking for?

VulcanWoman Wed 06-Jul-16 17:56:16

I've heard of a clean break order but you've been divorce for 8yrs, surely he has no claim on your now earnings/pension etc. Wouldn't the CM be separate anyway. Hopefully more knowledgable posters will come along. I second the 'what a shit he is'

Andrewofgg Wed 06-Jul-16 18:12:24

You cannot include CMS arrears or future payments in a clean break order and the court should not seal an order which pretends to. But you need to get a clean break as between yourselves or he could claim from you in the future and you don't want that. Remember that appalling Wyatt case where an ex launched a claim almost twenty years after the divorce. A man can do that too.

VulcanWoman Wed 06-Jul-16 18:17:03

That clean break order is BS IMO, what the heck is a divorce if not a clean break. Wonder when that came in to being, money making idea I'm sure.

HereIAm20 Wed 06-Jul-16 18:23:32

Have you got evidence that all your money etc is acquired after you split? If so do not give up any arrears or CSA payments. Payments re children are dealt with separately to matrimonial assets as I am sure your solicitor would have told you. He is trying to bully/blackmail you. Show his email/texts to your solicitor as evidence of this too

HereIAm20 Wed 06-Jul-16 18:25:39

Sorry if you are already divorced and there was no ancillary relief application prior to decree absolute then my understanding assuming you are in England or Wales is that he can't claim against you now.

Andrewofgg Wed 06-Jul-16 19:51:06

HereIAm20 Completely wrong. An ex can apply at any time unless s/he has remarried and it does not matter if the party from whom money is sought had nothing at the time and has made it all since - as Mr Wyatt found out to his cost. Unless the OP gets a clean break now she is vulnerable to legalised blackmail so long as they are both alive and het ex has not remarried.

Andrewofgg Wed 06-Jul-16 19:52:04

Sorry, Mr Vince - Wyatt was his ex's name.

hippydippybaloney Wed 06-Jul-16 19:53:00

Have either of you remarried?

TutanKaDashian Wed 06-Jul-16 20:39:51

Sorry for late reply, been rather busy here. Neither of us are remarried. My current plan is to wait to see what the disclosures team come up with at the CMS before making my next move as they think they may have found a bank account. I am very loathe to give up the money right now but fear I may end up doing so if he won't sign the clean break as I want to buy a house with my new DP.

I will, however, have the last laugh as the exact same day the clean break is signed, I'll be on the phone to the CMS making a new application gringrin

Andrewofgg Wed 06-Jul-16 21:46:28

Good luck OP but you must be getting near the end CM years unless you divorced when you had a very small child. If he has guessed what is going on and closed the account you may never see the arrears or get anything out of him.

TutanKaDashian Wed 06-Jul-16 22:11:28

He is13.5 so potentially a few years left to claim. Ex has already said he wants the clean break, he just wants me to give this up sad

VulcanWoman Wed 06-Jul-16 22:14:47

It's hard to get your head around why these people don't think they should pay towards their own children, mind boggling!

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