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to ask ex to pay half of nursery fees?

(30 Posts)
lepoardnickle Tue 14-Jun-16 19:39:22

We are NOT on good terms. He was abusive contact through courts etc. He pays some maintenance but has never paid for anything else or let dc come home with a toy/birthdaycard/present or anything like that.
Although I've never actually asked.

I'm really really starting to struggle working full time and paying bills on my own. I want to ask him to contribute towards nursery fees but I think he would just say that's what child maintenance is for. Is it? Or would I be unreasonable to ask?

NapQueen Tue 14-Jun-16 19:40:57

He is under no obligation to cover any nursery fees aside from those sessions he needs himself if he has the dcs.

Have you contacted the tax office? As a lone parent you could get 70% of your fees rebated.

ErNope Tue 14-Jun-16 19:43:26

Are you not entitled to tax credits?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Tue 14-Jun-16 19:46:09

When you say "some maintenance", is he paying more than or less than CSA (or whatever) calculate?

lepoardnickle Tue 14-Jun-16 19:49:02

Thanks guys I'll have a look at tax credits I don't think we've ever got anything back for childcare.

He pays under what CSA advise but he does pay some. I'm just feeling the burden on my own when there's no help at all if you know what I mean.

NapQueen Tue 14-Jun-16 19:59:25

You definitely need to investigate tax credits. We are a couple on a reasonable income and get 50% of our total childcare bill back in the form of tax credits.

BusStopBetty Tue 14-Jun-16 20:05:35

If you can't get tax credits are you entitled to childcare vouchers through work?

Lelloteddy Tue 14-Jun-16 20:09:45

It's absolutely reasonable to ask and any decent NRP will contribute more to ensure their child's needs are met.
But he doesn't sound as if he's particularly decent if he doesn't even pay the CSA minimum so do check out tax credits and see if you can get some help that way.

LemonSqueezy0 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:13:30

Is there scope to go through CMS and get a definite amount each month? This will help with the budgeting..

Lurkedforever1 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:13:50

Yes he should pay, and all nrp' should pay a lot more than the ridiculous minimum set. However, the law supports his right to be a wanker, so unless he's willing it won't happen.

Emochild Tue 14-Jun-16 20:14:52

I actually wouldn't ask if he was abusive in the past -your mental health is worth more than the nursery fees

Check out tax credits and if he isn't paying the correct amount of maintenance then there is an official route to take

incywinci Tue 14-Jun-16 20:18:55

You should be able to get child tax credits to help cover nursery fees

RubbleBubble00 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:20:41

lepoardnickle Tue 14-Jun-16 20:22:36

Emochild that's exactly what I was thinking. I didn't know about the tax credits so just checking that out now, thanks everybody

ErNope Tue 14-Jun-16 20:25:45

If you're struggling with the cost of childcare you're likely entitled to something. YANBU to ask him but he can (and by the sounds of it, will) refuse.

lepoardnickle Tue 14-Jun-16 20:27:07

It's a bit mean really the way it works. If there's anything they should contribute to its childcare surely

Buckinbronco Tue 14-Jun-16 20:30:33

Completely agree with leopard this is the thing that absent Should be paying towards IMO. So frustrating that they can keep most of their wages whilst you spend so much of yours on child care when all you have, when it comes down to it, is 2 working parents paying a third parent to care for their child. Why should only one pay?!

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Tue 14-Jun-16 20:38:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 14-Jun-16 20:49:51

It may be true that the OP can claim tax credits (and should) but it's depressing that the first responses are that rather than suggesting the nrp should contribute

Perhaps that's because pragmatic people are fully aware that she has no way to make him do so, none at all

NapQueen Tue 14-Jun-16 20:51:33

And sadly because the childcare costs is hers. She requires childcare and he does not. Unfortunately, due to either the days Ex has her or the fact he doesnt have her, he does not require the childcare. She does.

It's a fact. A shitty one, and any decent dad would pay 50% of everything to do with the child, but this is a shit world.

missymayhemsmum Tue 14-Jun-16 20:51:51

Well you could ask, but you risk offering him a new lever to abuse you with. On the other hand, you dont ask, you dont get. Offering him the chance to contribute and thanking him if he does but letting it go if he doesnt and never relying on it may be a way forward, especially if things have calmed down and you are not likely to be back in court over contact soon.

Egosumquisum Tue 14-Jun-16 20:54:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MunchCrunch01 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:55:06

I've long thought it ridiculous that child support doesn't split the childcare costs 50/50 separate to child maintenance

Muddlingalongalone Tue 14-Jun-16 20:58:21

This is the most frustrating thing about child maintenance system. Minimum no way covers nursery fees/wrap around care.
My ex doesn't seem to grasp this concept at all.

Agree try tax credits - when I was on stat maternity last year & had 3 months unpaid it was surprisingly generous.

AyeAmarok Tue 14-Jun-16 21:00:18

I agree that it's ridiculous that the NRP doesn't need to pay childcare costs. Absolutely nonsensical.

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