To have ordered a cup of tea?

(114 Posts)
overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:44:39

Dh, Dd, ds and I were invited to a pub lunch today with a group of friends. Money is a bit tight at the moment so we'd talked beforehand about trying not to spend too much.

After the meal we were all chatting leisurely whilst the kids played. Ds asked dh for a drink as he was v hot. As he got up to go inside to order dh asked me if I'd like anything. I said 'ooh yes please, a tea' he said 'really?', I said 'yes please' and he went inside and got one.

In the car on the way home dh seemed subdued so I asked him if he was tired. 'Yes,' he said 'but also I am NOT happy about you ordering that tea...'

It seems that although he asked me if I wanted anything, he expected me to say no, given our previously arranged budget, and if I wanted a tea that was an indicator that it was time to go home. My feeling was that, although we had talked about not spending much, he did offer and therefore shouldn't be cross I accepted.

To be fair dh suffers from depression, struggles in the heat and finds social stuff exhausting. But still, should I accept his view on this??

LondonSpoon Sun 05-Jun-16 16:46:36

What did you agree about spending?

Pinkheart5915 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:48:13

I think although you had agreed not to go crazy, is a cup of tea really going to break the bank?
IMO you done nothing wrong. If he didn't want you to have anything why did he ask

dementedpixie Sun 05-Jun-16 16:49:40

Why on earth would he ask you if he wanted you to say no? Bit passive aggressive to be annoyed about it

dementedpixie Sun 05-Jun-16 16:50:29

A tap water would have been free I suppose

overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:50:47

london we'd agreed to try and stay as close as possible to £40. I knew we were already over that but thought it was a 'what the he'll it's sunny why don't we just stay a bit longer' kind of a thing. Clearly I was wrong!

ChicRock Sun 05-Jun-16 16:52:32

Depends really.

If you had a pre-agreed budget and you spent the time quaffing wine and fillet steak while he was having tap water and beans then I can see his point.

caroldecker Sun 05-Jun-16 16:53:33

Of course you were wrong - he offered in front of your friends so as to cover up the skint bit - you were expected to play along as previously agreed.

overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:53:35

No, we both had an equally priced main, a lemonade, and shared a dessert.

AugustaFinkNottle Sun 05-Jun-16 16:54:08

He shouldn't have asked you if he didn't want to have to buy anything.

overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:54:38

Carol that is a very good point, I didn't think of that. sad

EveryoneElsie Sun 05-Jun-16 16:54:49

Then he shouldn't have asked you if you wanted anything.

dementedpixie Sun 05-Jun-16 16:55:06

Is a tea really going to break the bank though? He was getting a drink for the child anyway

Penfold007 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:55:23

You'd both agreed a budget and you knew you'd already gone over it but thought 'what the hell '. I think I understand DH's annoyance.

overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:55:52

Thank you demented ! Also true!

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sun 05-Jun-16 16:55:58

My first thought was the same as carols to be honest.

ChicRock Sun 05-Jun-16 16:56:21

Given your update I can see why he was annoyed.

dementedpixie Sun 05-Jun-16 16:56:53

But he was going over the budget to get the Dc a drink. He could have said at that point it was time to go rather than saying yes to the child getting a drink.

frenchielala Sun 05-Jun-16 16:57:25

You were not in the wrong! It is a tea, what £3 max? If he didn't want to you have anything, he shouldn't have asked - you are not a mind reader.

I hope you enjoyed it. I hope his attitude didn't ruin your afternoon in the sun!

GrimmauldPlace Sun 05-Jun-16 17:03:45

I appreciate budgets are important and we aren't exactly floating in money ourselves. But, if we were seriously broke we wouldn't be going to a pub lunch in the first place. To me, your post sounds like you'd decided that money is a bit tight so you'd both be careful with what you spent and not go overboard. It doesn't sound like you had £40 and that was it, not a penny more. I would never dream of getting annoyed with DH if he dared have another drink whilst we were out. If he decided to buy a couple of rounds for everyone I might say something. I think he is overreacting.

Rainbunny Sun 05-Jun-16 17:03:55

Well I can understand his annoyance at being over budget but he shouldn't have offered to get you a drink! How are you supposed to read his mind to know whether it was a token offer you were meant to refuse or if he genuinely was happy to get you a drink? I can't stand passive aggressive behaviour like that.

Jodie1982 Sun 05-Jun-16 17:08:07

How much was the cuppa?

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 05-Jun-16 17:08:25

I think he offered you a drink to be polite and out of habit. But he expected you to decline because you both had already agreed about the budget.
His offer didn't cost any money. You asking for a tea, did.
YABU

overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 17:08:27

mrsfizzy that is exactly our situation. We aren't in a dire financial situation, just trying not to go overboard.
And to be clear, I wouldn't have asked for a tea. I just accepted his offer. But all points are taken on board as I don't want this to ruin our day!

overwhelmed34 Sun 05-Jun-16 17:09:30

I think £2.50 jodie

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