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Was I unreasonable to buy my friend something she didn't ask for

(143 Posts)
LifeofI Mon 29-Feb-16 20:10:50

I went on holiday for a week and my friend was looking after my cat.
Before i left i said i will give her petrol money (she lives about 10mins drive) but she refused and asked if i can buy her some tobacco in the duty free.
When i came back i passed by spain and the tobacco she wanted was 55 euros as they only had the big boxes.
So instead i brought her a MAC mascara.

When i gave it to her today she said to me she didnt ask for this and wanted tobacco.
I could tell she was disappointed and i felt bad.

was i wrong to do this?
should i buy her a pack of tobacco from here?

JuxtapositionRecords Mon 29-Feb-16 20:13:57

Just say you couldn't afford it. Plus you don't do stuff for people expecting things in return.

Although to be fair if you'd have had to put your cat in a cattery it would have been a hell of lot more than 55 euro so she did save you a fair bit.

AnotherEmma Mon 29-Feb-16 20:14:42

Yes I think you were a bit stingy. €55 is only about £40 which isn't much given that she looked after your cat for a week. (A cattery or professional cat sitter would have been much more expensive.) Maybe you could buy her a few packets of her favourite cigarettes as a sorry/thank you?

FWIW I wouldn't want to buy someone cigarettes but you did promise to get them so in that case you should follow through.

AnotherEmma Mon 29-Feb-16 20:16:24

Just realised she wanted tobacco not cigarettes but the same applies!

OhShutUpThomas Mon 29-Feb-16 20:17:02

Well I'd be pretty pissed off if I was her although I don't smoke

She's looked after your cat for a week, driving 2(?) times a day to your house, saving you ££££ on cattery fees and you couldn't stump up £40!?

ghostyslovesheep Mon 29-Feb-16 20:17:22

yabu - I pay £150 for a weeks cat sitting - £40 is cheap

StarlingMurmuration Mon 29-Feb-16 20:17:47

I think getting her mascara was a bit random - does she like MAC make up? Couldn't you have bought her favourite brand of tobacco in a uk supermarket or off licence, if you wanted to buy a smaller pack?

nocabbageinmyeye Mon 29-Feb-16 20:19:38

I think you were unreasonable to be honest, as a smoker the tabacco would have been useful and saved her money so she was probably looking forward to it once you agreed and to then get a mascara, I'd have been a bit confused. You should have either text from the airport and asked if she wanted to back the money for the big box (assuming money was the issue) or gotten her tabacco when you for back as a thank you.

Had you not agreed to anything and just got her mascara as a thank you that would be fine but you agreed and she was expecting it so you are being unreasonable.

What was the price difference between the mascara and the tobacco?

Birdsgottafly Mon 29-Feb-16 20:19:47

Personally, because I have to board my pets when I go on holiday and pay between 16-20 a night, I would have paid out for £43.

Unless you also do her lots of favours.

If that's not the case, then I would buy her a pack.

CooPie10 Mon 29-Feb-16 20:20:17

Yes Yabu and stingy. It didn't really work our to that much more given she did you a huge favour. Hope she's not so helpful next time.

TurnOffTheTv Mon 29-Feb-16 20:20:50

Good lord, you tight bugger! She did you a massive favour, saved you a lot of money and specifically asked for something in return which you didn't get? I'd be a bit annoyed too.

VimFuego101 Mon 29-Feb-16 20:22:00

I think the tobacco was more than fair given she looked after your cat for more a week. Does she even like makeup? If you want her to cat sit for you in future I would just buy her the tobacco.

Scarydinosaurs Mon 29-Feb-16 20:22:36

YABU she saved you loads of money and of course it was only the big packets- that is generally all they sell at airports.

Osolea Mon 29-Feb-16 20:23:09

If I was expecting a friend I'd done a favour for to bring me cheap holiday cigarettes and they gave me mascara instead, I'd be pretty gutted.

Be nice and buy her some baccy.

roundmyway Mon 29-Feb-16 20:23:18

Smokes & Make up are incomparable !

If you smoke cheap cigs/ baccy saves you money for a few days whereas make up is more "luxury"

It would be like asking someone to get a bottle of cheap Smirnoff at duty free & them bringing 3 toblerones instead.

Just 2 completely different items.

LavaCat Mon 29-Feb-16 20:24:00

I would have been annoyed too. It would have saved her loads in tobacco costs for a while and it would have cost you way more for a Cattery.

If you agreed to it you should have stuck to it.

nocabbageinmyeye Mon 29-Feb-16 20:24:30

Actually the more I think of it the more unreasonable I think you were, if I drove to your house twice a day to feed your car and you got me a Mac mascara cause you wouldn't part with a few pound extra for my tabacco I certainly wouldn't be minding kitty again

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 20:26:18

If it's the same friend who didn't clear up the mess after her DC in the cafe then no.

It's not tobacco she needs its manners.

I would presume if someone asked me to get them tobacco then they were going to pay me back.

I'd give the mascara as a gift.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 29-Feb-16 20:26:55

if they only had big boxes I'd have picked one up or got a smaller pack from a super market here.

you would have been better off lying and saying they didn't have any than mot buying her what you said you'd get. she saved yiu a fair bit of money and even a few mins down the road if yku do ot properly (ie wash out bowls, empty trays, check house, spend some time stroking/playing with put out bins etc) then that's a fair but of time tbh.

40 quid is nothing fir that.

LoveBoursin Mon 29-Feb-16 20:27:48

Hmm it depends on how much you wanted to give her for the petrol money. Was it close to the £40?

Did you tell her about the big packs at £40 that were too much?

Would you have thought that £40 to look after your cat for a week would be too much?

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 29-Feb-16 20:28:02

Given she was doing you a considerable favour, yes yabu.

I wouldn't ask her again either.

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 20:28:04

Just re read your Op

She refused but asked for tobacco

I'd have bought the tobacco

ZenNudist Mon 29-Feb-16 20:30:56

Oh dear, yes yabu and I don't smoke. Buy her a bunch if flowers or a bottle of her fave booze (& some smokes) as thanks.

Do you usually help her out in kind?

tealoveryum Mon 29-Feb-16 20:33:55

YWBU, why did you ask if you didn't want to get it? Mac mascara is pretty random and easy to pick-up in boots for the same price.

55Euros isn't much considering what you save not getting someone in but if you felt it was to much then if I was you I would have called her from the airport saying they only had bigger ones and it was too much for you. She may have offered to pay the difference.

Champagneformyrealfriends Mon 29-Feb-16 20:37:23

YABU. Can't believe you'd even have to ask tbh.

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