to be angry with babysitter on phone but worried about confronting her?

[Maybemable]

We have a bbsitter who helps out a lot and we really rely on her as we new to area although I get annoyed by the number of phone calls she gets from her family. Booked her to hold fort for DD (11) and DS (9.5) late afternoon while I did 3 X parents evenings. DS (5) tearful about being left so he came with me. I wasn't feeling well so forgot to mention DS had football at 6 but thought I'd probably be back well before. PE overran. I came back at 5.45 and babysitter was shut in living room on loud and v emotional phone call to granddaughter who is in care. I know whole story and that speaking to GD very tricky for babysitter and hardly ever happens. Trouble is that my DS who is a tiny 9 yo was in the hall about to leave the house to go to football (at nearby inner London school) on his own at dusk without having had tea and without anyone being aware he was going. (We've him off and highlighted dangers). Meanwhile DD had raided cupboards for sweets and is unsupervised on the laptop (also not allowed). Neither child knows how long babysitter has been on phone. Babysitter finishes call - bursts into kitchen says she didn't hear me come in but asks me to guess who she's been speaking to?! No idea that I am furious that she has not been taking care of my kids. Have to feed DS in no time and get him to football and feeling ill so don't confront her. Plus feel it's really tricky because the GD is in care and they never speak. But I was paying her to look after my kids and she wasn't checking they were safe. I haven't tackled the phone calls before now - my bad - but she knows from my body language that I'm not happy with it and gets off the phone when I come in the room. Have left it so long don't know how to tackle it but will have to if she's going to ever babysit again.

[Only1scoop]

Find another babysitter

[Catsize]

Can you not just choose someone else if you are not happy?

[anotherdayanothersquabble]

Find another babysitter.

[honeylulu]

Get rid. I've had a babysitter who massively took the piss, messed me around etc. There were plenty of others willing to take my money and do a proper job.

[theycallmemellojello]

Absolutely no point confronting. Yes, find someone else. I think it's fine for babysitters to take calls but she does sound like she was not paying attention.

[Maybemable]

We are new to area - have used one or two other people but they are not as available. Need more options obviously.

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

What would you have done if ds had left home without anyone knowing? You'd definitely have sucked her, you'd be furious
Well this could have happened so let her go
Your kids come first not her emotions

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

Is it such a rural area? There are services that provide babysitting you don't have to be ages in the area
Could you ask a teacher at DC school if you they know anyone who can help?

[BillSykesDog]

If she's making other calls to her family you should bring that up with her. But I don't think you should make an issue out of this one. She is in care, it's really hard to speak to her. What did you expect her to do? 'I'm too busy to speak to you, I'm looking after someone else's children' And I'm prioritising them over you. Click.

That call was an exceptional one off. I wouldn't make an issue of it. I think any negative affect on your children would be minuscule compared to a child in care being rejected on the phone by someone supposedly desperate to speak to them.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Lay down some ground rules in a calm way without getting angry or accusing her? It's not easy to find a babysitter when you're new to an area so I understand your angst. Can you go over the basics with her regarding how you want dc to be supervised, and your rules for the internet?
Also, advise your kids on what they can and can't do when being babysat, including what they can eat.
To be fair, at their age, I don't think they need an awful lot of supervision at 9 and 11yrs, just an adult in the house but I understand your annoyance at them not being fed or checked on.
The call sounded like a bit of an emergency this time but I agree social phone calls can wait.

Good luck, hope it all goes amicably.

[salsquiggle]

No point laying down ground rules - as it is she only gets off the phone when you walk in! Replace her with someone with some integrity who can follow simple rules. I wouldn't dream of behaving that way in the circumstances.

[MLGs]

Yes, just don't ask her to babysit again.

We recently had a cleaner who spent half the time she was cleaning on the phone, so was trying to do it one handed and distracted. Not same as ignoring children but also annoying. Plus I was sometimes working from home and she spoke extremely loudly!

[maydancer]

she isn't a nanny and your kids at 9 and 11 are big enough to get themselves a snack and to know not to go out in the dark alone.
A babysitter is just a casual thing .there is no employment situation so just don't use her again

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I would be quite cross with my kids if they started raiding cupboards for sweets and broke internet rules when left with a babysitter. I would leave my 9 and 11 year old without a babysitter and trust them to make a sandwich and behave responsibly.

[CocktailQueen]

She knows you don't like it but carries on.

She doesn't respect you.

No good for your kids.

Find another babysitter.

[LyndaNotLinda]

Are you saying that she was supposed to have fed your kids by the time you got back and she hadn't?

Of course you need to get another babysitter! If you're in Inner London, there will be thousands of people available. Go on childcare co uk and find someone.

I have a 15 year old who looks after DS sometimes and she's a lot more responsible than that

[pasturesgreen]

As others have said, get rid!

The situation you describe is frankly ridiculous. You shouldn't have to tolerate such behaviour from someone who's taking your money.

There are plenty of professional babysitters out there. Look for a new one.

[Birdsgottafly]

If you had of remembered to tell her that DS had football, would she have had to do him some tea?

Part of it is a lack of communication.

If you have lots going on and have to use a babysitter, perhaps an easy read calendar in the kitchen?

At 9 and 11, they should know that they need feeding.

The phone call is an exceptional circumstance.

I think there aren't clear expectations and that includes the children's responsibility.

[CandOdad]

We are new to area - have used one or two other people but they are not as available

I think you can work out from your problem with her why she is always available for you?

[BalloonSlayer]

She's only much more "available" than everyone else because she's not stopping doing all her stuff in order to actually, you know, look after your kids.

I'd be available for babysitting 24/7 if it was acceptable to take someone's money for looking after their kids while ignoring them and going about my business behind a closed door.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Blimey OP, have a heart! Her granddaughter is in care! How often do you realistically think she gets to speak to her?! Have sone compassion for gods sake!

As for your 'tiny 9 year old' - please, he's not a baby, so should know full well not to go out on his own! My DD of the same age wpuld have just said to her I've got football, would you be able to make me some tea- why on earth didn't he speak up?! YOU forgot to tell her, of you had done she would have fed him early!

Children at their ages don't need 'supervising ' and babysitters don't supervise, they are merely a responsible person their to mind the kids til a parent gets back.

I think you are massively overreacting.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Either you are prepared to have a conversation with her that says she doesn't take personal calls or you get rid. End of.

[shamonts]

She sounds awful. Find another babysitter.

[shamonts]

Blimey OP, have a heart! Her granddaughter is in care! How often do you realistically think she gets to speak to her?! Have sone compassion for gods sake!

and it's that attitude that turns women into doormats.

[BYOSnowman]

If you are in London you will have no trouble finding someone else. This lady is clearly not looking after the kids properly.

However, I thibk you need to consider your relationship with anyone you choose - it is fine to be friendly but they are not a friend - you need to communicate what you want doing. As this is ad hoc childcare they won't know your routines.