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AIBU?

To tell DD she can pay for her own activities from now on?

105 replies

BerylStreep · 26/11/2015 16:28

She is 10. I am fed up with paying for activities that she becomes bored with. Over the years we have had Brownies, Tennis lessons, Ballet, and now gymnastics - each time she tries it for a bit then gets bored, or finds it too difficult, partly because she doesn't go to most of the lessons.

So WIBU to tell DD that she must pay for any new activities she wants to take up? I have already told her that she needs to pay for any lesson that she doesn't attend.

She has lots of money that she has saved, and plenty of opportunity to earn money at home doing chores.

OP posts:

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grumpysquash · 26/11/2015 16:29

Why doesn't she go to the lessons?

ChristmasZombie · 26/11/2015 16:30

Why is she not going to her sessions? Surely if she's 10 it's up to you to get her there? I understand the frustration for you though!

mummymeister · 26/11/2015 16:30

perhaps she just hasn't found something she really enjoys but goes along to these because of peer pressure or because they are things you want her to do. I think its more important to find out why she has given them up rather than make her pay for future ones.

shutupandshop · 26/11/2015 16:31

Why don't you make het go to lessons rather than skip them. Dd3 has just started gymnastics and finds it hatd/doesn't want to go. She is going fir 12 months as Ive paid club fees.

BerylStreep · 26/11/2015 16:32

She says she doesn't want to go because she is bored, or tired, or whatever. I don't feel I can physically drag her there.

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 26/11/2015 16:32

Well I wouldn't make her pay for missed lessons. It's obviously not working.

I would only let her join a new one if she agrees to go to all lessons you can get her too (excluding illness etc) for 6 months and stick to it.

If you think she won't stick to it, done sign her up.

My dd tried a few things until she found her 'sport' but she always attended for a while before she decided to give it up.

A friends dd wants to be good at gymnastics but doesn't want to put in the work. The older dd is very good but trains 9 hours a week. The younger one just doesn't get the amount of work needed. So she takes it up then drops it, then takes it up and drops it.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 26/11/2015 16:33

You're making it VERY easy for her to be flaky. My parents did this with me. Lifelong flaker here.

bittapitta · 26/11/2015 16:33

Ten is very young to be just "not going" - aren't you taking her (lift/bus?). And she is too young to use her own money on extra curricular stuff like this IMO so Yabu

TheSecondViola · 26/11/2015 16:34

She says shes' bored and you just say ok, no problem? And you're upset with HER?
You're the parent, you tell her to get her arse in the car and do as she is told.

laundryeverywhere · 26/11/2015 16:34

I think it would be a bit unkind to say it that way. Maybe tell her you think it would be better to stop doing activities and just have fun at home instead, you could invite friends over and so on.

Wombat87 · 26/11/2015 16:34

I would! My parents eventually stopped paying for things as it was wasting their money. Maybe not all of it if it's expensive, but maybe 75/25 to start with, and a review in however long to maybe take it down to 50/50 if she still wants to go. Parents aren't banks. Sounds a bit harsh i know, but now I look back on how much i have potentially wasted through doing this I'm a bit mortified!

Enjolrass · 26/11/2015 16:34

You can't drag her, but what happens when you refuse to discuss it and say 'you may not want to but you are going'

FinallyHere · 26/11/2015 16:38

Whose idea was it, to sign her up to the activities? Which would she sign up for, if it really were her choice? Just wonderin,

Duckdeamon · 26/11/2015 16:41

If she tries it beyond the first free go she should attend for the block you've paid for. Don't let her not go unless she's unwell. Fair enough if she doesn't then want to continue.

BerylStreep · 26/11/2015 16:41

Her idea to sign up to all of these - I haven't pushed her (well I might have encouraged the Brownies). Really enthusiastic to start with, then interest wanes.

It just goes against everything I think is right - I think you need to stick with things, put the work in etc.

OP posts:

Keeptrudging · 26/11/2015 16:42

Too tired? I'm evil so I would be saying 'oh dear, you'd better go to bed/no electronic devices'. It's not good to let her opt out all the time. She's made a commitment to go, even if it's just for a term. I would be enforcing it.

Duckdeamon · 26/11/2015 16:44

Also, trying four activities "over the years" isn't many really, unless there are many more.

DH says he tried private lessons for about 5 instruments when he was young: drove his parents mad. Never managed to carry on any of them. he's not great with time management or musical or sporty but perhaps it was Ok as he's still a huge fan! But now spends his own cash watching.

Duckdeamon · 26/11/2015 16:45

When it comes to recreation, rather than studies or work (and even those things too) sticking with things is only good if you enjoy the things. Takes a bit of time to find out if you like them. Some people like to dabble!

ofallthenerve · 26/11/2015 16:46

Keeptrudging I am equally evil. OP I think you are making it too easy for DD to flake out. I don't really think money is the issue.

Wolfiefan · 26/11/2015 16:48

I agree money isn't the issue here. You go every week or give it up completely.
You say you are going then you go. You don't have to physically drag her You are the parent. You insist!

LaLyra · 26/11/2015 16:49

I insist mine go to another 3 sessions if they say they are fed up with something that we've already paid for. Beavers (DS1), gymnastics (DD1) and rugby (DS1) fell by the wayside as after the 3 more sessions they still wanted to give up. Everything else found a renewed interest after one rubbish week.

Viviennemary · 26/11/2015 16:54

I was a bit like your DD. . And my Mum never let me forget it. Not sure paying for it with her own money is the answer. It will still be money wasted if she only goes once or twice and misses lessons already paid for.

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titchy · 26/11/2015 16:55

You do know that kids aren't automatically born with a work ethic and perseverance don't you? They're qualities that you as a parent have to develop in your child. Which you are categorically not doing by letting her miss sessions cos she can't be arsed.... So yes yabu and a bit crap tbh.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 26/11/2015 16:56

You're not encouraging get to stick with though, are you op? You're letting her bow out every time.

SocksRock · 26/11/2015 16:58

Anyone who is too tired for activities here goes to bed early. That does tend to get them over the occasional bad week, the threat of no computer/television and an early bed...

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