Over invitation to non-existent party

[Booboostwo]

As I dropped DD (4yo) to preschool today her best friend gave her a party invite (undoubtedly a party invite as it said 'party' on the outside and X invites Y on the inside, where the best friend had meticulously written her own and DD's names). So I read it all out to DD and she was thrilled (she's only ever had one other party invite from school and that was a year ago). She gave her best friend a big hug, said thank you and wanted to hold onto the invite all day long.

The invitation didn't mention a day or time which I assumed was because a 4yo had filled it in so joked with best friend's mum about it who turned around and said 'Oh no, there is no party, her birthday is in July'. Turns out best friend wanted to give out an invite but there is no party and her mum let her.

Isn't that a shitty thing to do to a 4yo? DD will not only remember this, she will obsess over when she will be able to go to this party.

[justmyview]

I would turn the party into a playdate. A bit of cake and some dancing.

[QuiteLikely5]

you need to take this in the manner it was intended. No malice at all.

Let it go.

[MrsHathaway]

That's weird - if she was so desperate to fill it in she could have been helped to give it to daddy or grandma or someone who'd get that it was just imaginative play.

Play date imaginary "party" might work with some children.

I remember DB at only a little older than this being devastated to realise on the first day that "sports camp" (ie holiday club with sports activities) didn't involve sleeping bags and hot chocolate like my Brownie/Guide "camp".

[MangoBiscuit]

Of course there's no malice, and the 4yo wouldn't even have realised that OPs DD would be disappointed, but the other parent flipping well should have. Allowing her child to hand out fake invites is a pretty shitty thing to do.

[Booboostwo]

justmyview she's not been invited to a playdate either!

quite of course the best friend was not malicious. She is a lovely little girl, but I would expect her mum to have intervened. She could have encouraged her to make a Christmas card for DD, or a painting or something else which did not raise expectations and then dash them.

Thanks MrsHathaway and Mango.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Yeah just like you would do if it were your child, Quite.
You're definitely right op. It is a shitty thing to do. To build up a childs hopes. We all know children love parties, and getting dressed up.
I think the mother is way way way out of line. Intentionally upsetting children, or at least allowing her dd to do so, who it coukd be argued is a 4 year old baby so doesnt know any better. Perhaps she (the mother) needs looking at.

[ShoesOnQuickly]

She's four? You've got years of this ahead, I'm afraid you are going to have to chill! She sounds like one of those mums who can't possibly disappoint their child, regardless of how ridiculous the request.

[justmyview]

I was suggesting that you get the girls together for a playdate and turn it into a bit of a party for them if they wish ie play this down and not let it be such a big deal

I think that DD will get over it quickly if you don't make it a big deal

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Have the little girl to yours to play. She sounds sweet. Do a party tea with jelly and ice cream. They will love it :)

[TheOriginalMerylStrop]

This has happened to both DD in the past and DS2 before, more than once. In fact DS2s class seem to be sending each other little nonsense notes and invitations all the time.

Don't overthink it, I doubt your DD will. What it is is a sign of friendship. I agree with Ghoul, invite the little girl over for a playdate and have party food. Concentrate on the positives.

[Floggingmolly]

The other mum is a ridiculous loon. If she really struggles that much to say no to her child, she should have had a tiny, really a playdate party; not allow her to ask her friends to a never going to happen one.

[SaucyJack]

YANBU if your issue is with the parent- and not the child.

Yes, it's something all kids do outside of their parents' knowledge..... but you'd have to be a bit of twat to stand there and let your child do it.

[Booboostwo]

Dawn no one is claiming anyone was malicious. Put down the grip and read the thread.

MrsDeVere DD does not have SN but she will ask about this party again and again. I will never mention it again, of course I wouldn't bring it up or make a big deal out of it, but she will. Three months ago she saw a man touch a fish at the aquarium which se had been told was against the rules...she still brings it up 2-3 times a week!

[KeepOnMoving1]

fgs the child is 4. Keep that in mind, she's 4! You sound overdramatic and need to brace yourself for actual disappointments.
They were just playing, why would the mum now create a party? That would be silly.

[wigglesrock]

Yup, it does happen quite a lot. I've a four year old and there's always wee notes, pictures etc being done and stuffed into school bags to give to friends. I usually check her school bag in the morning to make sure she hasn't stuffed a precious piece of Frozen jewellery in it to give to her best friend but sometimes I just forget or don't see it. My daughter in return has come home with several bits and pieces of Lego and figures that I know are her friends big brothers.

Just deal with it in a very low key way, so and so was playing, she's not really having a party, her birthdays not until the summer - what are we having for dinner, oh look at that on tv! Even when they get a bit older it happens, not so much with written invites, but my eldest has come home and mentioned that one of her friends is having a big sleepover next weekend, they are going to do this and watch that. I know they're not.

[Floggingmolly]

Of course the little girl was just playing. But there are types of "playing" that they need steering away from sometimes, and I happen to think inviting all your friends to a party that isn't; is one of them.

[StrawberryTeaLeaf]

It was thoughtless. But you'll experience worse from school parents TBH

When is your DD's own birthday? Can you talk about plans for that?

[Snowglobe18]

This is weird. Not of the LG, but definitely weird behaviour by the mum.

[mrsjanedoe]

My son also nicked my cheque book and gave his mates cheques to the tune of 2.5 million pounds!

that's hilarious! off to hide my cheque book NOW

[CorporeSarnie]

They like the idea of sending invitations at that age, and make up parties all the time. Could you not just say it is a card vs. an invitation? And that DD's friend made a mistake? Or as MrsDV says, just a game? I know they are often persistent about random things, but I think you need to minimise this to yourself as well - it wasn't done to spite you or DD, it was just a game to the other child.

[MaidOfStars]

It's fairly common to read here about small children being routinely excluded from class parties, and the heartache it may cause the child but almost always causes the parents.

I think the dismissal of fake party invitations as 'just games' is ignoring the potential for hurt. I think the Mum should have considered this?