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... to try for a low key response to this ( inappropriate song lyrics accessed when Dc under MIL Supervision)

(112 Posts)
sparkysparkysparky Mon 02-Feb-15 11:47:57

DH and I had a night off from duty at wknd and DC (7) stayed with in laws. They watched The Voice during which time apparently contestants covered the Pitbull/Kesha (no idea what proper letter configuration of her name is) charmfest that includes the phrase "head down/booty up". Don’t know if a sanitised version used on The Voice but DC duly downloaded lyric sheet - it got past various blockers I have on DC's tablet which are, as we know, no substitute for supervision. Dc also downloaded lyrics to Uptown Funk which includes "Bitch". DH went ballistic and was criticising his mum in a panic. DC in tears worried that Granny is in trouble.
Trying to defuse things, I said Granny not in trouble but we all trying to keep grown up stuff at bay and it didn't work this time. I have also said that dc must ask me or DH first before downloading lyrics because Granny doesn't always read them well enough.
Dc has told me that will just download again. I said need to check with us first.
I don't think it fair to block even listening to Uptown Funk but even an old duffer like me knows that Kesha is a no no. I explained to Dc that sometimes you can't always hear the grown up stuff in songs but sometimes you can. Er...

1. Suggest alternative way to handle dc?
2. How do I tell MIL who will be mortified?

LadyLuck10 Mon 02-Feb-15 11:55:05

It's absolutely not your mil fault. Was she even aware that your dc had been downloading it. Tell your dc that they need to always check with you before downloading and you can ask your il to check what they are downloading if staying with them. Your DH is bu with his rage about this because it seems like a mistake and your dc have learnt something from this incident about what's fine to listen to.

VulvaVoom Mon 02-Feb-15 11:58:44

It's your life and the way you raise your children is up to you but I think to have a go at Granny would be a bit harsh. I'd let it go. The lyrics aren't nice but they could have been worse (sadly)

DoJo Mon 02-Feb-15 12:00:29

Dc has told me that will just download again.

That attitude would annoy me - do they have to take tablets to granny's?

Thisvehicleisreversing Mon 02-Feb-15 12:02:42

In the nicest possible way I think you need to calm down about it.

Your child is 7?! They'll hear worse walking to school.

The voice is hardly an adult only show, if your child liked the song and downloaded the lyrics then fair enough if you want the lyrics 'lost' but you can hardly have a go at granny for letting them watch a family show.

however Mon 02-Feb-15 12:04:41

I've taken a different approach because I've decided you can't really shield your kids from that stuff. I explain that X word Is a grown up word and that they aren't to use it and yes sometimes adults say it and sometimes in songs it is said but it is not said in the house at someone, or in anger....ec.

If you would normally have not allowed your son to watch The Voice then you should let her know for next time.

ahbollocks Mon 02-Feb-15 12:09:48

Bitch is edited out in the radio version of uptown funk so that woukd be okay surely? Imo you and dh are being OTT

pinkyredrose Mon 02-Feb-15 12:11:17

Why would a 7yr old even know why head down/booty up could be inappropriate?

Aridane Mon 02-Feb-15 12:14:22

YAB(V)U - no wonder poor DS was in tears after DH went 'ballistic'...

evmil Mon 02-Feb-15 12:15:41

Its not your MIL's fault. I don't mean to sound harsh but if you are going to allow your children to have access to tablets, but don't want them to access certain things within them then it is up to you to control that.

Also, i don't think it is really a big deal tbh. Kids will pick up words like that at school ect. Just explain they are not acceptable and move on.

fredfredgeorgejnr Mon 02-Feb-15 12:20:02

Your DH, you sound absolutely bonkers, your DH "went ballistic" because your 7 year old read the word BITCH as part of music lyrics or read "head down/booty up" ?

Your DC probably should be worried about adult behaviour like that, it's simply a massive overreaction and hugely inappropriate to panic or criticise his mum for it (I'm not even sure what she's supposed to have done wrong here, the voice is not after the watershed, it contains nothing inappropriate for the vast majority of 7 year olds, but that wasn't the nature of your complaint anyway.

YABVU

sparkysparkysparky Mon 02-Feb-15 12:21:51

Thanks. Some very useful stuff. To be fair to me I was trying to play it down as best I could while trying not to undermine DH. Feel sorry for MIL (not my usual!) and don't think she did anything wrong.
I was totally banned from pop music as a child (wartime generation parents) and don't think it is the correct approach at all.
Tips much appreciated.

pinkyredrose Mon 02-Feb-15 12:23:15

DH went ballistic and was criticising his mum in a panic. DC in tears worried that Granny is in trouble

This is way way more inappropriate than the lyrics your DC read.

SuperFlyHigh Mon 02-Feb-15 12:25:43

This makes me laugh so much as we had childhood playground songs which were explicit ahem - John and Mary anyone?! around the 7-8 year old mark and although we sort of knew what it meant it was all childish giggling and there were a few songs with lyrics (My Mama Told Me (not real title)) that we certainly had no idea about.

Like everyone else is saying here you need to mention these words aren't acceptable (maybe explain some songwriters use them etc) but they're not for everyday use. Certainly don't blame your MIL! And get controls on tablets etc.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 02-Feb-15 12:27:00

If your DCs say 'we'll download it anyway' then they shouldn't be allowed to take their tablets to Granny's.

The Voice is pre-watershed and on BBC 1 so any lyrics would have been cleaned up. And I completely understand someone thinking it would be kid-safe, in fact DS9 watched some of it on Saturday.

You and DH also need to have a calm talk about this. Yes, I wish we lived in a world where DCs would never hear questionable words or attitudes from music, but we don't. So spitting the dummy isn't a reasonable or helpful response from DH.

I am really, really careful about lyrics but just realised yesterday DS had been listening to a NSFW version of a song which had 'fuck' in it, so it's easily done, believe me.

SuperFlyHigh Mon 02-Feb-15 12:27:49

OP I just saw about you being banned from from pop music. My mum (teacher) tried to ban us from watching Grange Hill etc - as unsuitable - we still managed to watch it sometimes. And other films etc...

when something is made illicit often it becomes more tempting...

Tinkerball Mon 02-Feb-15 12:28:52

I'm not anti-screens in the slightest but I would be concerned about the down loading part, my 7 year old wouldn't even know what was meant by head down, booty up anyway.

U2TheEdge Mon 02-Feb-15 12:29:50

I'm sorry but this is a total over reaction.

I know mine have heard worse at school.

I too, take the same approach as however

This is a lot of fuss about nothing and I can't wrap my head around it or your husband's reaction.

LucilleBluth Mon 02-Feb-15 12:30:17

Oh my, total overreaction from DH, and a bit of a weird one too, but then again we have all sorts of music in the house/car, my DCs could sing the complete Flight of the Conchords at 7 ;)

sparkysparkysparky Mon 02-Feb-15 12:31:29

Agree about danger of making something illicit.
Poor you, Super fly, no Grange Hill. Even I got to watch that.
Calm talk with DH coming up.

Ohmygrood Mon 02-Feb-15 12:33:52

Massive overreaction.
Poor MIL does you a very nice favour and her son goes 'ballistic?'

NancyRaygun Mon 02-Feb-15 12:38:52

Surely to a 7 year old "head down, booty up" is meaningless? I think your child is already had tears over this complete non incident (in my opinion- although my DC are younger so..) time to move on. I would not say anything further to MIL. The suggestion upthread to say to your DC that some downloaded song lyrics are adult and they should check first is your only way to go really ... short of banning all pop.

sparkysparkysparky Mon 02-Feb-15 12:40:07

Just to be clear: dc got a quiet chat and a hug from me (and from DH after I first sent him out to calm down). Granny was NOT blamed. Don’t even think she knows. Lessons learned. Your advice appreciated.

youmakemydreams Mon 02-Feb-15 12:48:24

My oldest is 11 now and I've found that the less fuss made the better. All thee of mine know that some words are grown up words. But when it comes to music they see it on cbbc and hear it on the radio. I don't agree with the need for some song lyrics but I don't censor either. They like the songs and are mostly oblivious to most of the lyrics anyway.

MrsHathaway Mon 02-Feb-15 12:50:34

DH overreacted, and you're right to talk about it calmly.

I can't work out the timeline - did "we will just download it anyway come before or after DH's explosion? If after, I'd say he brought it on, but either way the reaction from you is the same. They cannot have free web access at MIL's - whether that means her changing the WiFi password, or tablet staying at home.

And you sound very naive about your child's internet access. You need better settings, preferably a whitelist of domains, needing you or DH to input a password every time another site is accessed. He is 7 ffs - how much does he need to go online?

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