... to try for a low key response to this ( inappropriate song lyrics accessed when Dc under MIL Supervision)

[sparkysparkysparky]

DH and I had a night off from duty at wknd and DC (7) stayed with in laws. They watched The Voice during which time apparently contestants covered the Pitbull/Kesha (no idea what proper letter configuration of her name is) charmfest that includes the phrase "head down/booty up". Donâ??t know if a sanitised version used on The Voice but DC duly downloaded lyric sheet - it got past various blockers I have on DC's tablet which are, as we know, no substitute for supervision. Dc also downloaded lyrics to Uptown Funk which includes "Bitch". DH went ballistic and was criticising his mum in a panic. DC in tears worried that Granny is in trouble.
Trying to defuse things, I said Granny not in trouble but we all trying to keep grown up stuff at bay and it didn't work this time. I have also said that dc must ask me or DH first before downloading lyrics because Granny doesn't always read them well enough.
Dc has told me that will just download again. I said need to check with us first.
I don't think it fair to block even listening to Uptown Funk but even an old duffer like me knows that Kesha is a no no. I explained to Dc that sometimes you can't always hear the grown up stuff in songs but sometimes you can. Er...

1. Suggest alternative way to handle dc?
2. How do I tell MIL who will be mortified?

[sparkysparkysparky]

Wow. Talk about over reacting. Mr Sparky draws an overworked line at Pitbull and is totally relaxed about most other stuff. Other people draw a line elsewhere or don't draw lines at all. Thanks for all the useful comments.

[nooka]

At seven I would have been very unhappy about dd/ds listening to/reading this sort of lyric, not the swear words so much (although I really dislike bitch, it always seems to be used in a pretty misogynistic context) but the general sexual unpleasantness of the lyrics. I'd not have blown up but I would have made sure that the children knew I didn't like it and didn't want them to play it. In fact there have been a few songs where dd and me have analysed the wording and agreed either she wouldn't play it or at least not when I was around (that was a teenage discussion though).

I'd also not allow children of that age to use the internet on their own, regardless of blockers. We went for computers in main rooms only no blockers but always supervised. This was pre-tablet days (they had DSs so not technologically deprived) but I think that the chances of the OP's dc getting access to things that her dh doesn't like are really pretty high, especially with an apparently defiant child.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

Poor OP, anyone else got the feeling this is going to go on and on and on

Agree that misogyny is the real issue and context, not just the word "fuck" for example. But DC are going to hear it, and the earlier it is to have a chance to explain why some of it is unacceptable, the better really.

I'm not sure that letting it pass "over the heads" is the best way really. But then there's got to be a fine line with judging age appropriateness of explanations.

So although everyone is piling in and having a good laugh at the OP's DH, who even she has admitted acted like a bit of a fucknugget , there's actually an interesting discussion to be had.

[CinnabarRed]

Agreed that this seems like a good opportunity to start age-appropriate conversations about hurtful words and sexist attitudes.

Out of interest, OP, I don't think you elaborated on your DC saying s/he would just download the lyrics again anyway - how did you manage that? Because in my book that's the most worrying development.

[piggychops]

You as as adult will understand all the double entendres but children have no idea.
DS at your DCs age downloaded a song which , although his iPod had the explicit filter on, had completely slipped through the net. We just had a discussion about what was and wasn't appropriate, then it was deleted without any tears, shouting or hysteria.
Playground language is far more colourful than many song lyrics.

[piggychops]

If it's deleted off the cloud it won't automatically download unless you choose to do so. Unfortunately when something had such a drama made over it, it instantly becomes super attractive as the children will now be really curious as to what the fuss was about...

[sparkysparkysparky]

In the moment which I was trying to smooth out, dc said would download again . DC actually very impressive at double checking with me about accessing other stuff. Hopefully just a heat of the moment thing. No obvious change of approach by dc since then. We'll keep an eye on it and keep talking as and when.

It is odd, you see all these reports which say "How did 70s parents tolerate cheeky postcard sleaze and sexism? ". As a kid then, I always thought it was a ridiculous overreaction to be uptight about it. But the casually aggressive sexuality you can find so easily now does make me shiver. DH overreacted in this situation and I wanted to see whether you agreed I was right to play it down. Turns out I'm far too uptight for even wondering about it.

[SolidGoldBrass]

The thing that is actually worth worrying about is the intensity of your H's hissy fit, which had his child in tears, terrified that beloved grandmother is in trouble. Your H needs to apologise to DC for being a bully. Yes, we all snap at kids sometimes when we are tired and stressed, and sometimes over trivial things, but your DC and MIL had done nothing wrong and an aggressive over-reaction that's left as 'well, you were naughty' when that wasn't the case, makes for unhealthy parenting.

[Ubik1]

Just tell them those words are not ok to use.

Tell them to ask before downloading. Most kids hear worse at the football. Andy Murray said fuck on Sunday much to the delight of my children.

[sparkysparkysparky]

Solid you have chosen to add terrifying aggression to the scenario described. Sorry that you have done so.

[GraysAnalogy]

Are you using the word 'downloaded' in the right context here because usually when kids (or anyone for that matter) views song lyrics they're on a webpage. Not downloaded.So even if downloading of content was prohibited it can still be viewed online.

[sparkysparkysparky]

Good point Grays. I stand corrected. Thanks. She accessed completely normal and in no way unsuitable lyrics from some song lyric website. left on a tab. Tab removed after gentle discussion. No attempt or interest even in accessing again.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Sparky you said your H 'went ballistic' and left your DC 'in tears worried that Granny is in trouble'. Sounds pretty aggressive to me.

[SensAbility]

I'm 61 and I really thought that heads down and booty up was a dance, like twerking lol
I agree with most posters on here that your DH should have handled it differently.
And also the need for more parental control re the Internet etc.
I can remember several years ago and a friend of mine who was a lunchtime assistant in a primary school and I was shocked when she told me how the 5 to 7 year olds had the worst language she'd ever heard..
It may be sad but times have changed so much and some teenagers especially seem to be more hostile with each other and even bad mouth each other much more than 'we' used to. I never swore at my Mum and Dad even though I heard bad language around me, but times have changed so much.
I'm not condoning the language in some lyrics today and indeed over the years, I'm a lover of rock music so I have a collection of music with some dubious lyrics in too, but let's face it, chart music now has a certain catchment and they rely on the kids and teenagers with money and Internet access to download their music etc so they have to appeal to that catchment age ! with 'music', 'lyrics' and 'videos' and sex and violence is used both in music and 'gaming' to entice the catchment group to make the purchases etc..
Music has changed so much over the years.. and thankfully we still have some classics around of different genres and tastes, to still listen to, but I'll probably be shot down for saying this but lots of the chart stuff is targeted at this catchment who aspire to be like their idols and they think that swearing , 'in your face sexuality', hostility and being disrespectful is acceptable.! ( I bet many of us could relate to this in our teenage years)
But it's nothing new really, look at the Punk era! and some would say even as far back as the Teddy Boy era too... Elvis nearly got banned for gyrating his hips lol.........
Sensible Parenting needed to monitor the Net and Downloading in General.
My youngest daughter(she's disabled) likes to go on you tube and see all the kids singing 'Frozen' songs, but I've had to jump in several times when it appears that some crank has done his 'own kind' of Frozen video and up loaded it on to you tube..
I wouldn't have sleepless nights over it.. save that for bigger issues like the birds and the birds guidance, relationships, and drug use awareness, issues like these are the ones to sweat over.. Good luck

[skylark2]

"Dc has told me that will just download again."

How clever of him to be able to do that without access to a tablet or computer.

Give it back in a week, if and only if he's apologetic.

[RandomNPC]

Wait until DH heard about my friend Billy with the ten foot willy. His head will explode.

[sparkysparkysparky]

Maybe like the great Pitbull I need to choose my words more carefully.

[jamaisjedors]

We are abroad and all songs on the radio contain the full explicit lyrics which means I now do try and censor what the DS hear because some of it is really full-on and I don't want to get into too many discussions about song lyrics like these:

Talk Dirty - Jason Derulo
"Sold out arenas, you can suck my penis (SUNG REALLY LOUDLY)
Gilbert Arenas, guns on deck
Chest to chest, tongue on neck
International oral sex"

which was on non-stop last year.

However, I was quite pleased with DS1's misinterpretation of that Robin Thicke song - when he keeps singing "you're a good girl, you know you want it", he said, that's about a dog isn't it?

I said, err, think it's a woman, and he said, no, that's how you talk to dogs.

And of course he's right!!!

Not quite on topic OP, but thought it might make you smile!

[sparkysparkysparky]

Thanks Jamais It did. To avoid further unnecessary but obviously kindly meant concern "going ballistic " chez sparky means having an annoyed tone in your voice. Here I could tell DH was annoyed about something - i was in another room- he said "well, I need to have words with Granny about that", I stepped in, shoed him out and soothed Dc ( who is a dd) who was upset and defiant. If DH had got into a crazed rampage he would be out on his ear and I wouldn't be wasting my time discussing pop music etiquette on Mumsnet.

[chocolatemademefat]

I'm a lot older than seven and the phrase "head down booty up" goes over my head. It's a song not an interpretation lesson. If you hadn't made such a fuss he would've moved on to something else.

If I was your MIL I'd be telling your DH to act his age and reminding him I was doing him a favour. If something so trivial drives him into a rage I'd be concerned about his reasoning.

[Metalguru]

I would be far more concerned at your DHs aggressive behaviour than those lyrics. Watching his "ballistic" dad shouting at his gran far more damaging than anything else that he saw that day imo

[sparkysparkysparky]

Metal - no aggression, no shouting at MIL - she knows nothing of this she wasn't even there. ( see my earlier post explaining what I meant by ballistic AND what would happen to DH were there a crazed rampage as many posters have imagined ). Thank you for your concern.

[Mumm300]

You are right in low key approach. I would be grateful your in laws are prepared to take child for a weekend. I never had this luxury and if your husband behaves like this you may find the in laws will withdraw their support. Your dh IBU.

[sparkysparkysparky]

Thanks Mumm. Again: chez sparky is more Outnumbered than Eastenders. We don't do rampages when we get cross. At worst, we leave the room with a Harrumph. We ALWAYS apologise to each other if we get cross abd we NEVER go to sleep on an argument. I have been taken aback at some of the responses. It only dawned on me this morning that posters had some sort of episode of Eastenders in their minds when they read my AIBU. And, yes, MIL and FIL, are fantastic support.

[SensAbility]

Sparky, I used to be a member of many forums, re disability and some medical ones too. As I've been on my own for many years bringing the children up my social life diminished and I enjoyed my 'me' time on the Internet but over the years I've experienced many 'rows' and sometimes escalating threads into arguments, because what is written is sometimes taken out of context. When we write we use phrases that mean different things to different people and also we don't see each other's expression that would probably show the meaning behind the phrase.
People's comments are usually suggestions of help etc but even then we sometimes write things that come across the wrong way.
I'm not on many forums any more and I left twitter and facebook last year after experiencing some nasty bullying.
I try now to comment on threads that I feel I can have a positive input but I usually withdraw if the bullying starts, if it's aimed at me.
I'm not suggesting that there is any bullying on here, I'm just saying that when we 'click post message' it's gone and if the post could be open to mis-interpretation then we spend a whole thread explaining ourselves. And believe me I've had to do that several times.
I've got to the stage where I will answer posts sometimes if I can support the person but I hardly ever start my own threads if it's personal to me because, as you've read on here, our words sometimes mean different things to different people.
Don't stress about it all, just move on and be careful how you explain things if you post again.
No disrespect meant BTW