About the fucking thank you letters?

[LennyCrabsticks]

I suspect I am but it does wind me up.

Mils friend (who we barely know) very generously gives each of our children a fiver in a card for every Christmas and birthday.

But then we have to endure the next few days of mil phoning more than once a day and each and every time she calls she 'reminds' us to do thank you cards for her friend.

We do obviously get the dc to sit down and write cards but I find the whole thing so very wearing. They certainly don't do them on Christmas Day or Boxing Day and in fact the first time I've actually asked them is today, the 12yo has produced his already, dd is creating something and I've sat down and helped the 3yo to scribble.

Everytime she calls, which this year has been from Christmas Day evening onwards, I clench. And I feel like saying actually, we're not going to bother doing cards so stop fucking wanging on about it.

We don't do cards for anyone else but that's because we see everyone else and thank them personally. And I just find the whole thing ridiculous because she stresses so much about it and I just would rather her friend didn't bother giving us anything so i don't have to be made out to be the laziest most ungrateful wretch ever because the cards aren't immediately forthcoming.

Aibu?

[madmother1]

The problem is your MIL constantly ringing you and reminding you. Just tell her gently, that of course your DC are going to do the thank you cards, and that you don't constantly need reminding!
My DC has got to send a thank you note to say thanks for the money, when the money hadn't been put in the gift card, so spare the Aunt's feelings!!

[happystory]

YANBU my mother is like this takes all the sodding pleasure out of it. This year she announced she going to stop sending to her neighbours kids as she had never had a thank you letter. She sees them every bloody day and they thank her in person! I do think it's a generational thing though, hopefully will die out soon. Have memories of doing mine and the one to my uncle had to be extra neat ' cos he's a teacher'

[Ohfourfoxache]

Tell her that every time she reminds you, you'll add a day on to getting them sent

[WitchOfEndor]

Tell her the first time she asks that they are written and posted. Then act bewildered when she phones up a week later to say they haven't arrived yet. Don't forget to blame the postal backlog at this time of year, and tut.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Just lie and say 'Yep, done', the first time she asks you.

[MrsTawdry]

Yes...lie and say "Oh we did them already!"

[MinnieM1]

I don't get the thank you card thing, never wrote one or received one in my life

[Fairenuff]

Dh had this with a relative who used to send him a cheque and then complain to his parents that he hadn't cashed it. He just didn't have time to get to the bank and sometimes he would put it in his wallet and forget about it.

His parents would keep ringing and make him feel bad. In the end he asked the relative not to send him any more money. It stops feeling like a gift if it comes with an obligation attached.

[Ladymoods]

I think these days the adults expect a thank you card more than the kids expect a fucking present. I get my kids to do them because it seems to be a terrible thing if you don't but I couldn't care less if I don't get one and usually just chuck them anyway to be quite honest.

Someone I know has a 9 year old daughter and she writes them for her. What's the fucking point of that?

[loiner45]

We never did thank you cards in my family either - I only came across them when I moved to exHs town and had children. We thanked people when we saw them - either it's a gift freely given or its some contractual relationship bringing with it the obligation to make the giver feel good.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

My ExMIL has already reminded me twice about Thank you cards for gifts DD opened at her house on Christmas Day with ExH in attendance.
On principal I will not ask DD to write these cards DD has another parent who should be responsible for this. ExMIL has a DS who she can chase about these. Just because I am the DM does not make it my responsibility.
Aside from the fact that I am RP, work full time whereas ExH is super flaky works part time and pays virtually nothing.
This winds me up, can you tell?

[tallulah]

Actually I think YABVU. You know she's going to keep on. Even if you don't make the DC do the letters Christmas Day or Boxing Day you had yesterday. How long does it take? 10 mins?

I don't think it hurts children to realise that some people do things differently and the price of getting a gift/ some money is to give up a few minutes to write something.

[BlackbirdOnTheWire]

YABU.

Tallulah, there is no "price" on a gift. If there is, it's not a gift. A thank you letter is a courtesy, and should be freely offered, not written under duress and to a tight deadline.

My DC will write (or draw, in the case of the 2yo) thank you letters. They will do so at a time convenient to us (this afternoon) within a polite timeframe (a week, barring illnesses). All senders have already been contacted via text when parcels arrive, they know that a scribbled thanks when a child would much rather be doing something else is worth bugger all and might as well be written by a parent. Something they've spent time and care on, though, is worth a wait of a few days.

[JT05]

Old fashioned, I know, but if I sent a present and did not see the person/ child I'd expect some form of thank you. Email/letter or phone.

Once sent 21st birthday, Christmas, engagement and wedding presents to a niece. All within a couple of months. Not a thank you for any of them! Nice manners!

[stubbornstains]

DS has received 2 presents from people he hardly knows this year- one from someone, a friend of my aunt's, whom neither he nor I have met. Why? Why would you send a fiver (yes, it was money) to a child you don't know? I'm hoping that the lack of thank you letters might act as some kind of a clue, and that they will not send anything next year.

[Dropdeadfred2]

write them in advance this year

[Dropdeadfred2]

it will really annoy her when you tell them they were put in the post on boxing day

[willowisp]

Yes you ABU & a bit spoilt & ungrateful.

Do the bloody cards so when she calls you can announce "done & awaiting postage".

I think you should be a bit embarrassed tbh.

[magpieginglebells]

Tell me about it. When I had my baby my mil was clearly checking with her friends if they had a thank you card yet, a week after she was born. I had better things to do that week...

[cosmicglittergirl]

Dropdeadfred. Yes, exactly!

[willowisp]

Stubbornstains I am at your attitude. Are you & your DC too good for this lady's £5 ? Shame on you.

[PogoBob]

'embarrassed' about not having written thank you card after 3 days! Are children supposed to be writing them as they open the presents or something.

Our DC haven't done thank you notes yet but today is the first day this Christmas that we've not been doing anything with family, thank you notes will be done and posted tomorrow so family should receive them by the end of the week.

[SuzySheepSmellsNice]

How about writing those thank you cards out in the run up to Christmas?

[JennyBlueWren]

We had to go out on Boxing Day and buy a box of chocolates to take round to PIL's neighbours to say thank you for knitting a baby blanket (baby due in February, it is lovely).
The neighbour had knitted clothes in the summer too and MIL phoned up repeatedly to remind us to send her chocolates. We only sent a thank you card that time (although I had also thanked her in person) so we didn't send chocolates too. Apparently this was rude.

As children one set of grandparents expected thank you cards and one year actually sent a pack of them as a very obvious hint!

[ArchangelGallic]

My DD has her birthday in January so I admit we do pre-printed cards towards the end of the month that cover Christmas and birthday. Everyone gets the same card with a generic thank you for my present comment.

Takes 10 minutes to do on photo box and saves any comments about being ungrateful or forgetting aunty Jean down the road.