AIBU to be pissed off dh is going on a holiday of a lifetime without me and dc?

[RedPencilPot]

Right I prob ABU but I'm really fed up about this!

It's a very special interest holiday, one that I would never want to go on but I'm fed up that dh is getting a holiday this year and ds and I will go nowhere!

I'm back at work full time after having ds and come the summer(I'm a teacher) I will be exhausted, but due to finances we aren't able to afford a holiday for the family.

My poor dh has saved for this for ages and now the time has come I want to be happy for him and pleased he is going but tbh I just feel a bit envious.

He will be away for 10 days. I guess it's not even so much that he is going but the fact it is for so long and I'll not even get a wet weekend in a caravan!

Needless to say he thinks I'm being v u and I can't talk too much about it as I really don't want to spoil it for him.

[SantanaLopez]

My poor dh has saved for this for ages

Did you not think about this when he starting saving? It is slightly BU to turn round now and say no.

[ilovepowerhoop]

I'd be pissed off too. why should he get to go on a jolly but the rest of you can't?

[TheGreatHunt]

Yanbu!!!

What do you mean he saved? Do you have separate finces??

[TheGreatHunt]

*finances

[CMOTDibbler]

YANBU, but could you not borrow a tent in the summer and go camping in the summer? It can be very cheap and a lovely break - the site we went to last year was £50 for 4 nights and had a pool

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

Actually, I think its a bit off if one person gets to go on a great holiday if that means that nobody else can afford to.

It seems a really selfish thing to do. A holiday for one person really ought to be after a family holiday, not instead of it. But that's just my pov and I know other people see it differently.

Will you be able to take your child on holiday next year?

Will you get a great trip away just for yourself at some point?

[noblegiraffe]

Start saving for your own holiday? If he could save, then you can continue saving.

[mummymeister]

sorry I might be in the minority here but I think yabu. you previously agreed he could go on this holiday. he has saved for it (so indirectly have you). you can feel a bit envious sure but don't make him feel guilty or give the holiday up. make sure though that in future you think ahead before agreeing to separate holidays. very few people seem to be able to make them work. cant you go away with your dc to a friends for a few days in the summer. will you really be that exhausted for 6 whole weeks???

[StarGazeyPond]

Surely you can go somewhere in the 6 week Summer holiday?

[Fairenuff]

Is he using 'family' money to spend just on a holiday for himself, leaving the rest of the family unable to afford a holiday?

If so, did you agree that he could do this?

[firsttimemama]

Why is there no savings for you and doc to have a holiday?

[RedPencilPot]

I really don't want him to feel guilty so that's why I'm posting on here!

When he talked about it initially there was no time scale so I assumed it was for 4/5 days tops! Anyway, as I said I'm probably being VU.

I know, if I agreed I shouldn't be moaning now. Very fair point and true.

I actually feel quite childish for being upset.

[WooWooOwl]

If he has saved for it out of his own personal spending money then he deserves to have his holiday, as long as he wouldn't object if you wanted to go away and he had to be left at home with the dc as well.

I think if you love someone, you should want then to have fulfilling experiences that enhance their life, even if you do feel temporarily a bit gutted that you are being left behind.

[RedPencilPot]

There are no savings for a family holiday as we used all our money that we normally have for that when I was on maternity leave.

[noblegiraffe]

Start planning your holiday.

[ThePinkOcelot]

YANBU. Fair enough him going on his holiday of a life time, if you were going on a holiday as well but it seems a bit unfair to me that his holiday is instead of a family holiday. Where is he going btw?

[Caitlin17]

If it's his money why not? OH and I do separate holidays and each pay our own.

[RedPencilPot]

Yes he saved for it our of his own money and asked for parents etc to give him money for birthday/Christmas for the last while so he could afford it.

I'm a bitch aren't i?

He would have no problem if I were going and the tables were turned. I couldn't actually leave my son for that long but that isn't the issue.

[backinaminute]

I'm in a similar situation, my DP is going away with his sister to see him mum abroad for a week. I said I didn't mind him going or for how long (thinking a couple of days) and he booked a week. He'd asked if we wanted to go (but bumps up the cost) or take ds1 (2yo) but I said no, as not worth it for a couple of days. I did go a bit crazy when he said he'd booked a week. I have calmed down now but still irked at him choosing to do that rather than spending his week off work with me and 2 toddlers but have to right to as I did say I didn't mind........... So annoying

[MisForMumNotMaid]

I get it but i feel sorry for your DH if this is something he's saved for and planned.

It sounds as though your DS is quite young and you've had a lot on your plate by going back to work. For that i sympathise. Its emotionally and physically a challenging time.

Do you think the jealousy thing is the holiday, the lack of money, the tiredness or the lack of you time?

If you work out what the one thing you'd really like is I bet you can find a way of achieving it.

A few pounds a week in a jar between now and the summer would be a day in a health spa.

Ebaying all the stuff your DS has grown out/ not used/ no longer needs i'll bet would be a couple of nights in a £19 travel lodge room or a premier inn room.

What about relatives that live away? Aged motherly empty nester aunts, if you're lucky enough to have any, make wonderful hosts with a bit of babysitting thrown in.

What about house swapping? DH is a teacher and its something we've talked about because of the restricted holiday times and cost always being an issue.

[RedPencilPot]

I'm going to sound very sad but I couldn't actually plan and go on holiday without dh. Dh is very independent and because he is a history bore is very happy to holiday alone.

[Dollydowser]

YANBU, I'd be pissed off too. The money he's been saving is your money too, I think it should be used for a family holiday. I think I would be pissed off that my dh would rather be on holiday without us.

[mrsminiverscharlady]

I don't think YABU. Personally I wouldn't want to go on my 'own' holiday if the rest of the family wasn't getting a holiday. But then we don't have any concept of 'own' money, it's all family money.

[Birdsgottafly]

I felt the way you do, when my DH got the chance to get a break to Barcelona and France, without me.

Looking back I'm glad he did, he then became unwell and has numerous health problems, until his eventual death from Cancers.

We had holidays planned, but put them off and they never happened.

If he will give you the opportunity to go away, child free, if you want to, then I think YABU.

You don't know what life has in store, having been involved in a "Young Widows" support group and working in Adult Disabilities, I'd advise anyone to not put things off.

[thecatfromjapan]

In all seriousness, are there issues about sharing finances equally here? And resources - especially the biggie, post-children: time? I'm guessing baby is quite young, so there appears to be a series of assumptions about time and childcare, along with money and leisure. I'm guessing it's one of those charity experience things: biking to Kathmandu. Fair enough if there is parity. If not . Less good.