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to be upset and angry at the mum who told DD(6) that...

(139 Posts)
herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 13:44:35

Father Christmas didnt exist? She was talking to me (about her older son finding out) but both DD (6 and 3yrs) were standing right next to me. She just came out without it, without warning or checking with me. It went over DD3's head, who was engrossed in something, but the look on DD6's face broke my heart. We took them to see Father Xmas this year, did the whole food for Santa on Xmas eve, had video from Portable North Pole and they were so filled with wonder and excitement (was the first year they both really got it) it was just delightful. I know they will find out at some point but I just wish it wasn't now. I dont know whether to say something to the mum (or indeed my DD) - and what to say?

cardibach Fri 03-Jan-14 13:46:14

SHe'll probably have forgotten by next Christmas if you don't refer to it again. It is annoying and the other mum should have had more sensitivity and intelligence but it doesn't seem worth saying anything to her now.

formerbabe Fri 03-Jan-14 13:48:34

I would be fuming...that is terrible. My ds was told fc doesn't exist by some kids in his class. I looked outraged and confused and told him 'who brought the presents then?!'. He bought that...for now.

Tell her the woman was lying and that fc only visits those who believe.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown Fri 03-Jan-14 13:48:45

I would tell her that some people don't believe but they are silly and of course father Christmas is real. Insist that you believe in him.

herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 13:48:49

Yes, you're probably right. Was going for the 'ignoring' as best policy (with regards the topic to my DD). I should just get over it - she just looked so stunned and then completely crushed.

SashaOfSiberia Fri 03-Jan-14 13:50:25

I wouldn't mention it to your DD again. Just act like she still believes, if she mentions it then I would just go with of course he's real type talk, and tell her something along the lines of only those who believe get a visit, so she mustn't tell people he isn't real otherwise he won't come.

fluffygal Fri 03-Jan-14 13:51:18

My DD would remember for sure next year. What a shitty thing to do, I would have said something at the time though, what did you say to her? Get DD to watch Miracle on 34th Street, might give her a bit more faith in it.

herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 13:53:01

OK, deny, deny might be the way forward. She is young enough to want to believe. Formerbabe - glad not only one that would be cross (even though I know is minor in grand scheme etc...)

SaucyJack Fri 03-Jan-14 13:53:17

YABU. She didn't tell your DD- she was just talking to another grown-up.

Your DD will have to find out at some point you know?

I don't get all this angst over pretending he's really really actually genuinely real. It's all just a bit of fun chez Saucy.

mousmous Fri 03-Jan-14 13:54:17

non issue
there is no father christmas and she would have found out at the school playground anyway.
christmas is magical without fc.

anothermadamebutterfly Fri 03-Jan-14 13:55:35

Seriously? You mean - you fill your kids heads with stuff you know is not true and then get upset when then find out?

herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 13:56:01

Fluffygal, I didnt say anything to DD as I was just about to drop her off at a friend's birthday party (yesterday) - we were just outside the (other) friend's house - and by the time she came back she was talking of other things. I didnt know whether to bring it up.

herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 13:56:22

PS miracle on 34th a good idea!

herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 13:58:52

Saucy et al - yes, I know she would have found out at some point (see original post). But there is magic in believing.

peking Fri 03-Jan-14 13:59:06

YABU it's no more of an issue than another parent who comes out with "the Tooth Fairy/God/Devil/ghosts don't exist". Your family has the right to believe in whatever you want to believe, of course, but don't restrict the public's right to free speech.

Christmas can be "magical" for all ages without belief in the whole FC story anyway.

KungFuBustle Fri 03-Jan-14 13:59:06

YANBU. This woman has had the fun of her older DS believing, he's found out now as they all do eventually. Doesn't mean she gets to piss on everyone else's chips.

Surely you moderate what you say when children are present? No sex, drugs or festive fantasy busting.

AlpacaPicnic Fri 03-Jan-14 13:59:11

Thats such a thoughtless thing to do. I would tell dd that people who are naughty obv dont get visited by FC so thats why that 'silly lady' thinks he's not real. But obviously WE know the truth!

elliejjtiny Fri 03-Jan-14 14:01:58

I found out at about 6 and so did DH. My older DC's (aged 7 and 5) know he's not real but are under strict instructions not to tell people.

herewegoloopyloo Fri 03-Jan-14 14:05:04

Sorry, Peking, not being funny but am not buying it. Christmas can be fun, joyful, exciting etc for all ages but not "magical" without the magic. I think the 'restricting free speech' is a bit OTT - I was just suggesting a bit consideration might be in order (as others have said, we do moderate topics of conversation in front of children and that is not usually considered a violation of the right to free speech).

anothermadamebutterfly Fri 03-Jan-14 14:07:29

I would be sad to think that there is nothing magical in reality

peking Fri 03-Jan-14 14:08:42

Mff. I can see everyone's point, but I'm quite a cynic when it comes to the whole fairyland thing so don't have much patience with the "let's keep the belief going as long as we can and insist he's real even though he's not". A product of my upbringing I guess. Sorry OP, I'd be more impatient with the fact that you're trying hard to keep up the pretense rather than the woman for letting the cat out of the bag.

I love an easy life and so just pottered along letting DS's believe if they wanted to (which they kind of pretended they did) but that way they weren't upset when older children started going on about how he's not real. I didn't have to worry then!

anothermadamebutterfly Fri 03-Jan-14 14:11:17

Peking, can I exclude myself from ' everyone' there - I totally agree with you, even if my last post was a bit mystical!

Joules68 Fri 03-Jan-14 14:11:23

But she's going to be over 7 by next Xmas. Doubt she will believe by then anyway, not with this seed already planted.

Think it's worse to keep reinforcing fc is real if they are already having doubts and are older like your dd is.

Marzipanface Fri 03-Jan-14 14:12:30

It was v thoughtless of her.

MelanieRavenswood Fri 03-Jan-14 14:13:50

sorry, but at 6 I think it is far better to just explain the whole thing than start it all up again, only for her to be disappointed again in a few months time when someone else tells her (or when she works it out for herself).

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