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Or this not on?

(149 Posts)
Soontobemama Sat 26-Oct-13 10:24:44

For your husband to decide to go to the pub after work without bothering to let you know when you're at home with his 11 week old baby?

Because that's what my 'D' H did yesterday and I'm not happy. He usually finished around 5 and calls me to let me know he is on the train and then I go and pick him up. When it was nearing 6 with no word from him I tried calling him and emailed him. No response. I called him 3 times in an hour and each call was ignored.

He got in just after 7 and was drunk. Won't have it that he has done anything wrong as he wasn't out late. To me that's not the point. I had no idea where he was and what if I had been trying to contact him in an emergency? He had no idea why I called 3 times but still didnt pick up or call me back.

I look forward to him getting home at night and clock watch as its a small break for me. Obviously as he was drunk I couldn't leave our baby with him at all so I had to do everything myself. He is still in bed now!

NotYoMomma Sat 26-Oct-13 10:26:36

well I would be annoyed but it wasn't too late and I think it would depend if it was a one off or a frequent thing

Cleorapter Sat 26-Oct-13 10:27:02


He could have just called you to let you know. It's not that hard.

LindyHemming Sat 26-Oct-13 10:30:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDeepRedBetty Sat 26-Oct-13 10:30:37

To clarify, you're pissed off with the failure to communicate rather than the drunkeness?

Yanbu, it's not hard to send a text or make a call, just to say you're having (say) a birthday drink on a Friday and will be on a later train.

LindyHemming Sat 26-Oct-13 10:33:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soontobemama Sat 26-Oct-13 10:34:14

I'm pissed off with both. There was no reason for him to go out he just wanted to. By how drunk he was he had obviously left work early to go drinking.

I'm annoyed that he didnt bother to let me know. I'm also annoyed that he thinks its appropriate to come home drunk when WE have a small baby. He obviously assumes that its my job to look after the baby while he does what he likes. Or he thinks that its ok to care for our son when he's drunk and a danger to him.

diddl Sat 26-Oct-13 10:37:34

I think it odd that he didn't call at least to say that he wouldn't need collecting.

I don't think all men get that you have been at home with a baby all day though & are desperately looking forward to them coming home.

I suppose if he knew he wouldn't be long he didn't think that it warranted a call-because he didn't realise that you were counting down to him coming home?

maras2 Sat 26-Oct-13 10:38:35

Is he up yet?

SarahBumBarer Sat 26-Oct-13 10:41:18

There was no reason for him to go out he just wanted to

Yanbu, he should have let you know but you are being a bit unreasonable about this ^^

Isn't that a reason? He wanted to. This is actually ok y'know - to want to go out for a couple of hours. Is that why he did not let you know? Because he knows that you would not think it was ok?

verytellytubby Sat 26-Oct-13 10:41:54

He got in at 7pm?

maras2 Sat 26-Oct-13 10:42:06

Oops.OP was only a few minutes ago.Wake him up with a cuppa and hand over baby for a few hours.Don't let it spoil your weekend even though he's a thoughtless git.

Soontobemama Sat 26-Oct-13 10:44:19

He knows I wouldn't have been happy. It was his 2nd night out this week. He was also out twice last week.

Am I the only person who thinks when you have a baby its both parents responsibility then? I can't just decide I'm sodding off out to get pissed whenever the mood takes me so why should he be able to?

Howsuper Sat 26-Oct-13 10:45:17

It's annoying and I'd have felt the same as you - but from his point of view he went for a drink on a Friday night and was back by 7pm.

You can see why he wouldn't think that was unreasonable?

I'd just say 'can you let me know next time, and can I have the time in lieu please ie I want two hours off tonight at bedtime'?

SarahBumBarer Sat 26-Oct-13 10:46:13

Defensive much? Most people are totally agreeing with you so you are hardly the "only person" to think that a baby is both parents responsibility. Even I who think YABabitU agree that of course it is both parents responsibility. But that does not mean that on some nights one parent can take responsibility while the other has 2 hours out.

petalsandstars Sat 26-Oct-13 10:46:15

No lie in.

Hoovering needs doing outside the bedroom door, slip a bit on the door too.
I'd be fuming.

NotYoMomma Sat 26-Oct-13 10:46:31

no you are not he is bang out of order from what you have said since, it wasnt clear in your OP if it was a one off or a constant entitled attitude.

he is a selfish nob who needs to step up.

dh would have done this once and never ever got away with it again. angry

SarahBumBarer Sat 26-Oct-13 10:46:36


Howsuper Sat 26-Oct-13 10:46:52

X posted. Why can't you decide to go out for a drink with your friends, once he's home? Because you're breast feeding or because you feel you shouldn't or because he's home late?

Soontobemama Sat 26-Oct-13 10:47:11

Yes he got home at 7pm but the time isn't the issue. He was too drunk to be safe to look after his baby. Meaning he had purposefully left work early to go drinking. He didnt even feel he had an obligation to let me know. He certainly didnt think that he ought to come home and give me a break.

headoverheels Sat 26-Oct-13 10:47:27

Agree with howsuper. Just make sure he does bedtime tonight.

SarahBumBarer Sat 26-Oct-13 10:48:25

It is still not clear Notyo. Twice this week does sound a bit more of a concern but if that is the first time since baby was born it is not so bad and also depends on how long the first night out was. Lots of parents don't even get home from work until 7 pm and it did mean that OP did not have to leave the house to pick him up. If he normally leaves work at 5 what time does he actually get home - just how late was he?

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 26-Oct-13 10:50:29

If he was home by 7 and has a train to get too, how drunk could he realistically have been?

NotYoMomma Sat 26-Oct-13 10:50:54

and twice last week I think she said?

Heartbrokenmum73 Sat 26-Oct-13 10:51:11

Ah, xposts. He'd left work early to go drinking.

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