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DH is being unreasonable [title edited by MNHQ]

(179 Posts)
expatbrat Sat 06-Jul-13 03:27:58

To think that it's bloody ridiculous how much research is going into which Doctor to go to for a vasectomy and how little (none on his behalf) it was for me to go on birth control?
I mean REALLY... Get over it and get it snipped!
Happily married, 2 grown kids, no plans for any more (fingers crossed) Time of life I would like to not be screwing up my hormones and reach menopause in some kind of natural state. All he has to do is pick which Dr he would like to go with and in/out Bobs your uncle.
IABU to think Google is a bugger and should be banned from all Husbands on a quest for vasectomy horror stories?

Should add he really does agree/want to get it done.

lisianthus Sat 06-Jul-13 07:35:04

I thought she meant as in "special snowflake", but let's see what the OP says. She may be horrified that it has come across as insulting to children with SN.

MrsDeVere Sat 06-Jul-13 07:35:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch Sat 06-Jul-13 07:35:27

Oh goodness thisisaeuphemism. Poor him!
It's a personal crusade then smile

Ubermumsy Sat 06-Jul-13 07:36:32

Look, there's a big difference between saying "he thinks he's something special" and "he's being 'special'". The latter usage is unacceptable IMO. Saying that it's trying to make special a reserved word is missing the point.

Thisisaeuphemism Sat 06-Jul-13 07:37:38

It is- every time, the word vasectomy turns up on Mumsnet I'm on it like a surgeon with a rusty scalpel...

Eyesunderarock Sat 06-Jul-13 07:37:54

So there you are expatbrat.
Not only is your title insensitive and offensive to others, you are also coming across as insensitive and unsupportive to your husband in your post.
Was that what you expected would happen?
Will you come back all huffy and indignant and filled with reasons for your unreasonableness? Like a brat?

ThreeBeeOneGee Sat 06-Jul-13 07:38:24

Poor choice of thread title. Please don't use "special" in that way. Yes, it's just a word, but so is "retarded". Or "cripple".

WeAreSix Sat 06-Jul-13 07:40:00

So a homophobic or racist word would be ok too fairylights as long as the OP focusses on the point of her thread?

curlew Sat 06-Jul-13 07:40:13

It's political correctness gorn mad, I tell you. You just can't say anything nowadays! Well, all I can say is that all my black, gay and disabled friends think it's hilarious when I call them chocolate face, faggot and spaz. They've all got senses of humour you see. In fact they all get quite cross when the professionally offended take up arms in their behalf. They think that's offensive in itself.

kungfupannda Sat 06-Jul-13 07:40:15

The problem is "just semantics" or "jut words" hurt people.

What's wrong with expecting people to think a little bit more about how they phrase things - especially when discussing things on a forum, where we only have words to go on? We don't know anything about the OP, or whether she's someone who is habitually insensitive, or whether she's lovely and just hasn't made the connection between the way in which people use the word "special" and special needs.

Words are the way in which people express their views. Pulling them up on their words might just make them re-think a viewpoint or a casual prejudice or thoughtlessness.

fairylightsinthespring Sat 06-Jul-13 07:46:48

Fine, point taken. I do understand why people are upset, I just think that the amount of "upsetness" is perhaps out of proportion to the intention of the thread title. I notice that the OP was written at 3am so maybe she wasn't thinking entirely clearly.

SolomanDaisy Sat 06-Jul-13 07:46:56

Curlew, I can't tell whether your post is a joke or not. I do hope so.

MrsDeVere Sat 06-Jul-13 07:51:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlew Sat 06-Jul-13 07:51:50

SolomonDaisy- I think it says a lot about society in general and Mumsnet in particular that you have the slightest doubt.

Eyesunderarock Sat 06-Jul-13 07:51:56

'I notice that the OP was written at 3am so maybe she wasn't thinking entirely clearly.'

Clue is in the name though, she's probably in a different time zone.
With foreign doctors. shock
I do feel sorry for her husband, my mum was much more understanding when my dad was fussing.

Eyesunderarock Sat 06-Jul-13 07:54:35

'Words are the way in which people express their views. Pulling them up on their words might just make them re-think a viewpoint or a casual prejudice or thoughtlessness'

Jazz did on a post a while back when I explained why 'Fucktard' was offensive. She was shocked and won't be using it again. Because she's a reasonable person.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Sat 06-Jul-13 07:55:51

The children on Justin's show have special needs. They are special children (no irony).
This poster is using the word "special" which in this specific context means 'short for special needs = a bit slow, backwards, r****' and is used that way by schoolchildren and adults with no sensitivity or awareness.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 06-Jul-13 08:04:21

fairy - clearly the point isn't 'taken' by you. It doesn't matter when it was posted, it is offensive. It's not what she 'wrote' that's the problem, it's what she thought. That comparing the way her DH is acting to someone who has special needs. It is horrible.

OP -

YABU - to have used ''special'' in that way - it is hugely offensive. How on earth has that missed your radar?

YABU. It's his genitals that are going to be affected, not yours. Just tell him how much longer you are prepared to take the pill for then he needs to either have had it done or no sex. Job done.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 06-Jul-13 08:06:57

Oh and to the nincompoops who say things like 'you can't reserve a word' FFS, there's a world of difference between saying 'It's a special birthday' or 'You make me feel really special' and saying 'He's acting ''special''' and if you genuinely can't see that, I pity you - but just learn not to do it.

curlew Sat 06-Jul-13 08:15:33

Anybody still in any doubt, imagine it pronounced "speshul" with air inverted commas and thatface (I'll go into details if anyone needs me to). Get it now?

Tortington Sat 06-Jul-13 08:18:39

poor use of title - but doesn't need a huntng party furnished with torches and pitchforks.

RE vasectomies - i truly believe women are held to randsom over this point.

I told my husband in no uncertain terms that unless he had a vasectomy, if i became pregnant, he could stay home and look after the 4/5 children we would have under the age of 6.

I told him that by my early 20's having already had three children, i had had more than my fair share of NHS hands up my vagina, and feeling my boobs.

in contrast at that time, he had never had a doctor or nurse touch his balls or penis.

I had pumped hormones into my body, tried every kind of contraception, had my periods messed about because of this and my emotions all over the place.

DH on the other hand didn't have to do this. has never had to take drugs that alter his hormones.

and all this by the time i was in my early 20's. I had asked to be steralised- I had taken responsibility for my body, but because of my young age the doctors said no. ( this was many moons ago it might be different now).

I had to take anti-depressants because i was so low after the births of my children i wanted to kill myself.

and after the arguments above, if he didn't go and have a vasectomy, well i would consider that he had no regard for my wellbeing, no love in his heart and no consideration for anyone or anything beyond the embarrassment of having someone look at his genitalia - something which i had to do regularly.

CrapsWithBears Sat 06-Jul-13 08:21:59

I always thought it was pretty well know that saying someone was being 'special', especially when pronounced 'speshul' as Curlew said, was very offensive.

I work for a charity that advocates on behalf of people with learning disabilities, and I also work with adults with learning disabilities, one of the tasks I had to do at my induction was to list words and phrases used to insult people with learning disabilities and explain what they mean/why they are offensive. 'Special' was definitely at the top of the list.

FannyFifer Sat 06-Jul-13 08:23:11

I just thought OP meant he thought he was more special & important than her with regards to sorting contraception etc.

echt Sat 06-Jul-13 08:24:41

Same here, FannyFifer.

CrapsWithBears Sat 06-Jul-13 08:25:04

I'm sure OP meant to use 'precious', however if no-one points out when someone is using offensive language, it stops them from being able to correct themselves.

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