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to admit I find days like today hard

(191 Posts)
ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 19:58:00

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend blush I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

Hissy Tue 14-May-13 18:55:17

A child won't stop your feelings of loneliness, a dog, cat, cockatoo.

In fact, if you don't address the core of what you feel and why you feel it, and have the bandaid baby, you'll just damage another human being.

You need to learn to be content by yourself, to accept you as you, and enjoy your own company.

You are NOT ready for a child. You need to learn to be YOU first.

You are so resolute in your negativity, that tbh, I am starting to doubt the veracity of this thread.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 18:57:23

I am not having a child to alleviate loneliness; please do not make assumptions about my character or what I am ready for based on one evening.

Ponyo73 Tue 14-May-13 19:21:01

Hissy, I agree with you wholeheartedly, it would be so damaging to introduce a child into this world if the OP had issues but what if the bandaid was to give another human love and kindness. What if contentment only came when there was someone she could give love and safety to. I know as a mother, I would feel, well words cannot describe the emptiness I would feel at not having a child. I think the OP has been very brave to open up and basically say, don't want dog, new friends, fed up and the core of what she is feeling is that, I want to be a mum. Sorry if I'm sounding over emotional.

Hissy Tue 14-May-13 19:24:54

You are the one that started the thread and are STILL banging on about it, now we have a child being brought into the mix for whatever reason.

You are not thinking about anyone except yourself, and tbh, are sounding more petulant and immature the longer this goes on. It's like a kid at a window looking out and saying 'I'm BORED!'

Shedloads of support/ideas/empathy and you have shrugged it all off.

You have your health, a job, a home, friends and hobbies. What screams through all this is that you aren't happy with yourself/your own company and are looking to external sources to fill that hole.

Please STOP running away from the issue. Face it and deal with it. It will transform your life.

The 30's are not easy, when you look at it from a 20 yo's perspective, but tbh, looking back on those years with a 40-odd year old perspective, it's not that big a deal, no need for all the angst and naval gazing. Relax, chill out and let life just 'be'.

Appreciate what you have, learn to love YOU, and it won't matter if it's raining outside, cos it'll be bright INSIDE.

You can change this, YOU and you alone. It's an outlook.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 19:25:32

Thanks Ponyo - the only thing is that I wasn't, really, talking in this thread about my desire to be a mum. It was Sunday evening; I felt low, a bit ill with a cold and lonely.

I DO want to be a parent, more than anything, and much as I like them, I don't want a dog, I have cats already and I love them but they are not the same as a child and it's a bit crass to suggest they are, really. After all, you don't carry a cat for nine months, give birth to a cat or breastfeed a cat (well, some weird people might! grin) But even more than that, a cat is not a child, your own child. It's quite normal, despite what people want to think, to be a woman in your mid-thirties longing for a child.

I am a very positive and happy person usually, but what can I say, sometimes, being alone can get to you ... that's all this thread was. I know people want to offer a solution but there aren't really many solutions to "Sunday evening, wet, cold, miserable."

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 19:32:25

Hissy, I'm not "banging on" about anything! I'm answering people!

I do quite like who I am actually!

Believe me, I appreciate all I have but to be honest despite me trying to be patient and polite, you are quite fixed in the opinion, really, that I'm a negative, miserable person - based on what was very much a snapshot of both my life and thoughts - I am intelligent and well educated and I trust my judgement with this. If I didn't, well, I wouldn't be doing it.

Since it WAS two days ago, I would be quite pleased if we could maybe draw a line under it?

Saddayinspring2 Tue 14-May-13 19:35:56

Some of your answers seem like you don't want to connect with us at all, although I can see you might be feeling a bit defensive as you want support but not to be pitied or told what to do?

Are you feeling Any better yet! Hope so

Saddayinspring2 Tue 14-May-13 19:37:36

Ah, crossed posts. It's ok to feel like you did, people were only trying to see if they could help alleviate those feelings:-)

Ponyo73 Tue 14-May-13 19:45:01

Crappy, wet sunday(with cold), who is feeling like doin' a jig? You needed to vent and get it out there. Think some posters are just a bit exasperated that they can't give you a resolution to your weekend of woe but you have friends, a good job and a roof over your head. Circumstances might change that will enable you to perhaps think about fostering or adopting. Please look into it. Sorry if I'm saying all the wrong things.

patienceisvirtuous Tue 14-May-13 20:49:06

OP ignore posters who are saying you are selfish etc for wanting to go it alone with a child.

Bringing a child into the world is selfish whether you are single or part of a couple - people have children for their own benefit, not the child's.

You sound thoughtful, sensible and like you would be a good mum. I hope it all works out for you.

everlong Tue 14-May-13 21:06:17

Hey OP I hope you feel a bit better now?

I find weekends hard tbh. The constant trying to please everyone, make sure everyone's happy. Then it pisses down. And you have to rearrange plans.

I prefer week days when they're all at work and school smile <misery>

moisturiser Tue 14-May-13 21:16:21

Haven't got the energy to read the whole thread so apologies if it's moved on, I just want to say I know how you feel.

I am alone 95% of the time (have a lodger but don't see them much). I can't work either. Literally, I sit in my house day after day after day alone, other than seeing my carer for a couple of hours a week. And the lodger for the odd half hour. But I'm actually really happy at present, just dumped someone who wasn't right, and I have good friends, lots of groups to [occasionally] go to, lovely hobbies. But there are definitely moments when I want to wail with the utter loneliness of it. It can be a torment. It's usually at night, especially at weekends, and actually hits usually after I've been out because I've had fun and life seems a bit empty suddenly. Plus it does feel like everyone else is with their family at that moment, having a lovely time. I desperately wanted to be married and have children and the children thing definitely won't happen now.

It's like you say, op, when there are hours and hours to fill, you can have hobbies which keep you busy for a bit, but they don't fill the time 24/7. I'm very grateful I like my own company and do have the hobbies I have because I'm completely convinced this life would kill some.

I have been doing a lot of work recently to try and like my situation more than I have in the past because there's no guarantee this isn't forever for me (though I do think I'll meet someone again soon, just a case of getting out) I'd recommend the Book of Silence by Sara Maitland (the idea someone chose my life made me take another look at the positives), and watch 'Ben Fogle, Lives in Wild' too - again more people choosing to be alone and loving it. I constantly try to do new things, and I'm trying to fill the lonely hours with new films and books rather than feeling sorry for myself. I'd kill to be able to foster (not well enough) or have a dog too. They're on the list of 'maybe's for the future.

Notcontent Tue 14-May-13 21:43:00

OP, I hope you are ok. Lots of people here can sympathise with how you feel.

Hissy - it is true that we are all responsible for our own happiness, etc, blah, blah... Yes, it's true that just having a partner will not make us happy. BUT - let's face it - you would have to be a Buddhist monk not to allow external forces affect how you feel. Speaking from a personal perspective, I try to keep busy, and I know that I have many things to be thankful for - but guess what, sometimes on the weekend I just wish I had another adult to have dinner with. I think that's only human!!!
Unless you have been completely alone, it's hard to know what that's really like.

ilikehomecookedfood Tue 14-May-13 22:15:29

Being a Buddhist monk sounds WICKED! grin

Sorry to everyone else who has those low moods/feelings. They are hard, and they aren't even so much about being content with yourself - I think it's just that naturally other people are or can be comforting, a comforting presence, someone to share thoughts and ideas and memories with and a distraction. I've had a hard few weeks work wise and I do have a few work-based anxieties which is probably why I feel most tense/nervous/low on Sunday nights (it makes no logical sense but I do sometimes get worried about the week ahead.)

I promise, I am a very sociable person, I love my friends to pieces, they are absolute rocks but they don't live locally (bar one) and like I've said, I'm trying to meet new people, cookery class, slimming class (grin - the irony!) horse-riding and body combat but it's a long process meeting people and I can't afford to do EVERYTHING - I'd be broke! shock

I think this thread for me was the equivalent of just wanting a bit of human comfort and chat and in hindsight it was a bad idea - should have just posted about funny books or something - but you know smile

SkivingAgain Tue 14-May-13 22:26:55

I find Sundays miserable too. I've started volunteering for Contact the Elderly who host afternoon teas one Sunday a month. Look them up on t'web. It's good fun and the guests have fascinating stories to tell.

Saddayinspring2 Tue 14-May-13 22:41:19

I get the pre work downer sometimes before a difficult week, or after a difficult work situation too.
I love my weekends because I work 1 in 4 of them therefore the relaxation is just bliss when I am home. I used to hate them because they often meant cleaning and arguments!
The bottom line is when we are on our own a LOT it can detach you a bit and feel lonely. It's natural. And you don't see many facebook posts about it !
So thanks for your honesty OP and I hope it helps that so many of us feel the same sometimes depending on circumstances.

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