to admit I find days like today hard

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

Valium - I wish that were true. I've joined several clubs over the last 3 years since I became single again, particularly to try and find some more single friends (already had loads but all bar one coupled). It is almost impossible to find single people in their mid-30s - mid-40s (or at least round here - may not be the same for OP). People will tend to do things on a Saturday, true, but on Sundays it's impossible to get people out, it's a family day (which I understand).

[Lulabellarama]

Why did you say you don't have siblings then go on to say you'd lived with your brother?

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Lula, my brother died a few years ago now.

Thank you very much to everybody who has understood, as they say, 'where I am coming from' - I realise that it may look negative/miserable to some but the truth is as I've tried to explain, whatever you do and wherever you go it is set against the backdrop of an empty house, of living alone. I've lived with that for oh, over a decade now, I am used to it, I like my own company and it's fine.

But, sometimes, it's really hard. And Sundays, especially wet Sundays when you have a cold and have a bit of a stressful time at work and there's no one there to take your mind off it, are the hardest. I wish I did have friends who could pop round on a wet Sunday evening, but I don't.

I have a dozen or so close friends - I think that's normal-ish, as well as many 'friendly acquaintances.' Out of those dozen close friends, all are in long term relationships. Two don't live in the country and only one is local (I have not lived in the area for long.) I am trying to meet people of course, hence the horse-riding, the exercise classes, Weight Watches (need to lose a stone!)and a cookery class (I still can't cook mind you!) but all of these are in the week apart from horse-riding which is Saturday morning.

The problem is that doing isn't always the answer; a lot of the time you just have to sit on a feeling and wait for it to pass as indeed my 'Sunday' feeling did.

I am not looking for a partner because I feel it's not very productive and so am looking into other avenues to have my own family. I am not adverse to meeting someone but don't feel it is hugely likely at this point in my life.

[Saddayinspring2]

Hi OP
Sorry to hear about your brother . It's a shame you are being judged on this thread when you were only asking for a bit of understanding. For some reason people don't like to admit they are lonely and other people admitting it makes them feel uncomfortable.

I agree with someone upthread that at uni I felt a bit lost and lonely sometimes... as a mum with small children a lot less so, and now with a very busy job , only occasionally get it... When someone is negative towards me or when I am overtired. I get this melancholy that I can't even describe , as if life has just worn me out and no one cares. Then the next day everything seems better.

You aren't alone in feeling this way .

[valiumredhead]

jessica why do the friends have to be single though? As I said earlier if someone arranged something at the weekend I would be gagging to go especially in the evening as would most people I know.


You have a dozen close friends OP, wish I did?!!

As I said before even if you are convinced you won't meet new friends it will help to have structure to your weekend so you don't feel you are just waiting for it to pass.

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

Valium - trying to get anyone who is part of a couple out on a Sunday is like pulling teeth, honestly

[GladbagsGold]

Make friends with shift workers' partners - I'm married and have endless Sundays on my own!

[valiumredhead]

You need different friends jessica

[raisinggirls]

OP are you the same person who was asking about IVF via sperm donor a little while ago on here? Your posting style reminded me of her then you said you were looking into "other avenues" to have your own family.

I have a good friend in a very similar situation to you. I don't know what to say really to you, but you're not the only one, (which was your original question).

From the point of view of one of those people who has kids and is also stuck at home, I'm always happy if my friend texts and says can she pop round. She doesn't do it every weekend, so I don't mind at all when she does, it usually makes our weekend a bit different as we do get stuck in a routine.

[NannyPlumIsMyMum]

Gladbags me too .

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Possibly, raisinggirls - I am planning to try for a baby as a single lady using anonymous donor sperm but there seem to be a few threads floating about at the moment with this question so I'm not sure if mine is the one you're thinking of. I have been planning this for a while so I probably didn't ask opinions if you see what I mean, but it depends how far back you're thinking.

Thanks again for the thoughts. I think it's just that small children tend to mean not much spare money and since a lot of my friends are around an hour away people just can't always justify the expense.

I'm sure I'll meet new people around here, especially with a baby which I hope I shall have in the next twelve months or so!

[raisinggirls]

Yes, it was definitely you - you didn't want opinions on your thread, just information.

I hope it all works out for you.

[theFairyBiker]

OP - please don't take this as a criticism; but what are you planning on telling your child when s/he asks about his/her daddy?

[thepig]

OP tbh I'm struggling to see how you're so resolutely negative about things, and how you think it's possibly a good idea to bring a fatherless child into your life right now.

You say it's too late for a relationship or it won't happen...why? Why not try internet dating...yes another solution but it's worked for lots of people I know, even late in life.

As a parent I can't help but feel desperately sad for the yet to be born child. I know that's not what you want to hear, but at the very least I really think you need to speak to someone before you go ahead. It's slightly worrying that you seem to have no recognition that your rigid way of thinking is problematic, and more so that it won't affect the child who will no other side of the equation...a father...and so will be highly receptive to your way of thinking which seems very unhealthy.

Lonely wkds in will be even more lonely with a baby I can assure you.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

OP, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm a single parent and have been single for nearly 7.5 years, since I was pregnant. I work and have colleagues that I'm friends with at work but I don't socialise with them outside work much, as I'm a good 10-15 years older than most of them and quite honestly I have no interest in Friday night pub crawls. My friends outside work are all married with kids and if we meet up once a month it's a miracle.

I often feel like you, especially at weekends. Yes I have my DS but it's not the same as having an adult's company, and when he's in bed it's just me, my iPad and the TV. Many a weekend I've gone a full 48 hours without talking to another adult. It can be soul-destroyingly lonely. The strange thing is I'm actually very independent and enjoy my own company. I think you can sometimes have too much of your own company, in just the same way that other people can become irritating if you spend too much time with them.

I've had many suggestions similar to ones on this thread - join a club, go on a course, take up a hobby, start online dating - mostly doled out by my coupled-up friends and colleagues. I'm sure they mean well but I find it all so cliched and ever so slightly flippant, tbh. Even if I wanted to do a night class or attend a social group I have the added complication of needing a baby sitter.

I don't know what the answer is. It's hard. I just want you to know you're not alone.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

ThePig my DS doesn't have an involved father either - his father abandoned me, refused to have anything to do with DS and has never even seen him. My DS is happy, healthy, well-adjusted, bright, friendly, polite and considerate. You don't need an involved father to bring up a child, and bring that child up well. Are you saying single parents aren't allowed to feel any emotions, or that we all, as parents, should be perfect in every way before having a child, lest our emotions and insecurities are passed onto our offspring?

Just because I'm a lonely parent, doesn't mean I'm a bad one. Just because the OP feels the way she feels, doesn't mean she'll make a bad parent or that her feelings will have some kind of detrimental effect on her child.

[Notcontent]

Hi OP
I am joining this thread late, but just saw it and had to post, because I know exactly how you feel. I am a few years older than you, and I am also a lone parent - but obviously a small child is not quite the same as adult company. Like you, I work, and I do have some friends, but weekends can be quite lonely. I don't think humans are really good at living alone... I found the bank holiday weekend very difficult because I was craving having another adult to talk to. My life wasn't always like this, it's just how things have turned out...

[thepig]

Kitty I'm sure you're a great parent.

It's not about being a single parent. It's about positively deciding to have and raise a child on your own at a time when you're perhaps not in the best frame of mind.

No one would seriously suggest that's an ideal or even good situation. And that child has no father history at all, no recourse later in life that even an abandoned child has if they desire, and no history that the child of a deceased parent has.

[Notcontent]

Soft kitty - I just read your post, and you could be my twin...

Can I just say that when I first found myself alone I thought that if I made a huge effort - making new friends, getting out, etc. - then I would be able to build for myself this new, busy, social life. I really did try.

[Monty27]

OP so you want a baby to abate your loneliness?

Personally, I'm thinking of getting a dog.

Thepig I'm with you on this.

[valiumredhead]

I was thinking about this thread last night, OP please give serious thought to having a child on your own, if there is even a tiny part of you that is doing it to alleviate boredom then please don't do it. There is nothing lonelier than being with a small baby on your own having to cope by yourself and that's even with a partner.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

I don't think I've ever stated that I would be having a child to alleviate boredom; that would be because it isn't true. I'm having a child because I want one, more than anything else. That is true of most people who plan a baby.

If mid/mild depression when poorly on a rainy Sunday is a reason not to have a child then I will answer that charge. However, I don't believe it is. I have given this a great deal of thought, planning and foresight. Note I did not mention my plans on this thread because they are not relevant.

With respect I posted about ONE evening on my life, on ONE weekend of my life and I don't think that tells everything there is about me!

Whoever asked what I would tell the child about their father - the truth.

[Ponyo73]

Sorry if this has already been suggested but have you ever thought about fostering. You sound like you have so much to give and they are crying out for good foster parents. I don't have any knowledge or experience on fostering but I bet you would make a great mum.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Thank you, that's very kind :) I haven't really thought about fostering due to full time work commitments, I'd love to do it if I wasn't at work full time (and my house was bigger!) x

[Hissy]

A child won't stop your feelings of loneliness, a dog, cat, cockatoo.

In fact, if you don't address the core of what you feel and why you feel it, and have the bandaid baby, you'll just damage another human being.

You need to learn to be content by yourself, to accept you as you, and enjoy your own company.

You are NOT ready for a child. You need to learn to be YOU first.

You are so resolute in your negativity, that tbh, I am starting to doubt the veracity of this thread.