Lula, my brother died a few years ago now.
Thank you very much to everybody who has understood, as they say, 'where I am coming from' - I realise that it may look negative/miserable to some but the truth is as I've tried to explain, whatever you do and wherever you go it is set against the backdrop of an empty house, of living alone. I've lived with that for oh, over a decade now, I am used to it, I like my own company and it's fine.
But, sometimes, it's really hard. And Sundays, especially wet Sundays when you have a cold and have a bit of a stressful time at work and there's no one there to take your mind off it, are the hardest. I wish I did have friends who could pop round on a wet Sunday evening, but I don't.
I have a dozen or so close friends - I think that's normal-ish, as well as many 'friendly acquaintances.' Out of those dozen close friends, all are in long term relationships. Two don't live in the country and only one is local (I have not lived in the area for long.) I am trying to meet people of course, hence the horse-riding, the exercise classes, Weight Watches (need to lose a stone!)and a cookery class (I still can't cook mind you!) but all of these are in the week apart from horse-riding which is Saturday morning.
The problem is that doing isn't always the answer; a lot of the time you just have to sit on a feeling and wait for it to pass as indeed my 'Sunday' feeling did.
I am not looking for a partner because I feel it's not very productive and so am looking into other avenues to have my own family. I am not adverse to meeting someone but don't feel it is hugely likely at this point in my life.