to admit I find days like today hard

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Oh, I do DO stuff - you can always do something.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Arrghhhh! This is EXACTLY why I don't dare mention it! Everyone says "ooh come to mine!" and spending Christmas with a bunch of strangers is really, really, really not fun, trust me!

[patienceisvirtuous]

ilike - do you have any pets?

My home felt much more like a 'home' when I got a cat (when I was 34 and lived alone). To be honest, without wanting to sound melodramatic, she revolutionized my life really. I felt much less lonely, and needed. She is such good company and brilliant to veg on sofa with.

I can empathise. I lived on my own for years and it can be grim when the loneliness hits.

I hope things get better for you.

[Hissy]

I used to feel like this in ,my 30s when I lived in London. I found living in London particularly, the pressure to DO something, be somewhere, with some people is quite high.

I used to go weekends without talking to a soul. sometimes it bothered me, a lot. Sometimes not.

That was then.

What I didn't know then was that I would go on to live an existence in a flat in a city thousands of miles away from everyone I knew, not allowed to go out, or to look out of the window. My longest stint indoors was 10 solid weeks, with only a tiny baby for company. No telly, no phone/internet/email, only a crappy 'P' that would come home late of an evening and make life miserable.

3 years later I got out.

I am now home, free, and well shot of Mr CrappyP. I'm happy.

OP. You are young, you are single, free and can get out and about IF you choose.

If you choose not to, that is OK too. This is your life. YOURS. There is nothing wrong with not talking to a soul, if that is what suits you.

Clearly, on a day like today, it doesn't. But the choice is there, the choice is yours. If your life bothers you, DO something about it. You really ARE worth that investment in you.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

yep 3 cats :)

Kansas, lol at forcing with menace. Seriously though, I have only once gone to someone else's for Christmas and it's utterly miserable. Everyone peers at you with pity, you have to eat horrible food, you're massively in the way ... I don't actually mind spending Christmas on my own as I am used to it, but everyone else minds! You might not but trust me some people DO force with menace!

[squeakytoy]

OP, do you ever invite any of your mates to do anything with you on a weekend?

I am married, but I have lots of single friends.. in fact I would say almost all of my friends are single, but I still socialise with them at the weekends.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Hissy, oh dear, I'm trying really hard here but I HAVE FRIENDS. I am NOT some sort of idiot loner-type person but you can't just FORCE yourself onto people when they are BUSY.

I'm hiding this thread now, it's upsetting me. Some circumstances are just outside of my control, I just hope those of you who have tried to be helpful but in fact have just issued bossy posts realise that sometimes you can't control everything. I have a happy life mostly but it's LONELY. And you cannot make people care for you - or care for you more than their husbands and children, and nor should they.

I am actually REALLY upset now.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

other way round for me squeaky, yes, we do sometimes do stuff on a weekend but not every weekend.

[OrangeMabel]

OP -why do you not want a partner?

[GladbagsGold]

I can empathise, I have been there. I found the rainy days worst. But I always felt it was better to be lonely by myself, than lonely in a crowd just to be 'doing something'.

If I was one of your 'weekday friends' I would hate to discover you felt you couldn't call me if you wanted a chat just because it was a weekend. I'd feel really sad if a friend was lonely and I could help, and I never knew.

[GladbagsGold]

Cross posted - so sorry you are upset now. There are lots of people who don't get it, but there are some who do understand. Hugs xx

[apostropheuse]

I think people are just trying to be helpful OP. Perhaps, like me, they don't really know what you want out of this thread.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Gladbags, thanks. I can call friends but the thing is, they are busy, they are spending time with husbands or putting tiny children to bed and even if they can talk it is - an hour? I have a day to fill

Sorry for going off on one, I am just getting a bit tired of the insinuations and implications that it is my fault, when someone in a bad marriage isn't subjected to similar scrutiny. Can't you just admit you're finding things a bit rough without it being your fault in some way?

Mabel, it isn't that I'm not wanting a partner but I'm not looking, is all.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Asos - I've said a dozen times, at least - it's in my opening post, I just wanted to know I'm not alone.

[Monty27]

Wot about having, at least a monthly saturday at yours, pot of something easy, chilli or whatever and wine etc with your girlie friends. Some of them might be delighted with that, as their dp's may have been to the pub or out doing something, golf or whatever during the day. Iyswim.

Just because people are 'holed' up with their partners and dp's etc at the weekend, doesn't mean they'd turn down a Saturday night at their mate's.

I did do London on my own in my 20's, sat in a bedsit from Friday night til Monday morning when I went back to work, I do know what you're talking about.

[Saddayinspring2]

It's horrible being alone all weekend.. Too much time alone is depressing.
Also filling it artificially not necessarily the answer.
I don't live alone OP, but I get lonely fairly easily after a couple of days or so and it's not nice .

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Look, I do sometimes have things like that. Not usually at my place, because despite my username I like home cooked food someone else has made but I'd say an average of one Saturday a month I see friends for lunch, shopping, whatever.

That leaves around three Saturdays, and Sundays blank, I go horse-riding on Saturday mornings (couldn't this week because of the weather) but as a rule that fills some time and I enjoy it.

This wasn't intended to be "I never see my mates" it's "I can't see my friends very often because they have other commitments" which is fair enough but I just wish people wouldn't turn it round on me and make out I'm doing something wrong or am lazy because I'm lonely after 48 hours on my own.

[2468Motorway]

Don't be upset. I'm with someone and I have kids and I don't see my friends on a Sat or Sun night. Mostly because I think they can do something properly fun (not watch rubbish on tv with a take away.) Perhaps I'll ask them soon.

The Christmas thing, that I do understand. Pre-kids I'd cheerfully spend it on my own, there is nothing worse than forced joviality.

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Sadday - thanks, yes, it's that I'm talking about, artificial time fillers aren't a help at all :)

[squeakytoy]

you could make new friends...

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

OP I don't think anyone is thinking you are lazy.

I know exactly how you feel, I felt it for a couple of years in my mid-twenties, I can remember dreading the weekends and feeling really spaced out and detached from the world by Sunday evening.
Eventually I realised that nothing would change unless I changed something, and so I changed job and altered my life completely.

I suppose I am reading your responses to people and wondering whether you have accepted that this is how your life is - you are happy enough although lonely, or whether you would like things to change?
Don't feel that you need to answer, I don't want to upset you more than you are already.

[OrangeMabel]

I understand. When you think about it, though, just about everything we do is about filling time, isn't it? I'm married with a DD and bloody hate Sundays. Much of it is spent watching them do the sport they share and I have no interest in.

[StuntGirl]

Yes but OP if someone was posting about the downsides to married life, people would post suggestions to try and make it better. That's all anyone's doing here.

No you're not alone, there are thousands and thousands of people in your position. Does the solidarity in misery make it any better? I don't know.

I agree with lady you sound very sad and defeatist and I hope you feel better soon.